AITA for refusing to give my parents money?

A 19-year-old shared a conflict with her parents, who, after years of financial mismanagement, demanded she hand over the money she had worked hard to save during her teenage years. Her parents argue that she owes them for raising her, claiming the money is “rightfully theirs.”

Despite initially planning to help with a loan, the user refused when her parents demanded the entire amount and guilted her for refusing. Now, her siblings have joined in pressuring her, leaving her torn between guilt and standing her ground. Read the full story for more details.

‘ AITA for refusing to give my parents money?’

I’m a 19 year old F with six older siblings. My parents spent most of my childhood spending money they didn’t have on my siblings, so by the time I hit my teenage years, I realized I was probably going to have to fend for myself financially when I turn 18. I started babysitting and doing odd jobs around my neighborhood when I was 14,

and eventually got part-time jobs during the school year. By the time I was 16, I was working three jobs in the summer and two in addition to school. When my parents told me they couldn’t pay for college, I’d already earned enough (along with scholarships) to be able to put myself through college and have plenty left over.

I’ve continued to work during the school year, and have been able to make money during quarantine by tutoring online. The issue began a few months ago, when my eldest sister (29F) got married. My parents spent 30 grand on her wedding, taking out a second mortgage to do so. To make matters worse, my dad was furloughed 6 days after the wedding.

They’d effectively dug themselves into a hole they couldn’t get out of. Two weeks ago, my mom texted me for the first time since the wedding. She didn’t say hi, ask how I was, or make any small talk. She just said “Your dad and I need a favor. When can we call you?” I’d expected this. None of my elder siblings are doing well financially,

and they’ve exhausted all other loan options, both from family and the bank. I figured they would text me, ask me to loan them a few thousand, and promise to pay it back when they could figure things out. I was absolutely willing to pitch in a few thousand, and had even considered giving them some of my tutoring jobs so they could make some extra cash.

I was not, however, expecting them to demand I GIVE them all the money (close to $40,000) I’d made from the ages of 14-18. The exact statement my mom had made was “You made that money under our roof. We were the ones who allowed you to work, so you only have it because of us anyway…We bought you food and clothes for 18 years.

That money is only a fraction of what you owe us…” and so on. I said that food, clothes, and shelter were the very minimum, it’s what they signed up for when they chose to become parents, I didn’t ask for any of it, etc. They responded by telling me that if it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have the life I have today. I said they were being ridiculous, and hung up.

Since that day, both (along with two of my siblings) have continuously hounded me about giving them what is “rightfully theirs.” My siblings, who have never been asked to give them money, are still professing that it’s my job as their kid to take care of them.

I told them they wouldn’t see a cent of my hard-earned money, and have no right to make such a request. I’m torn. I feel awful for refusing to help them out, but on the other hand, this was their fault. I feel I shouldn’t be responsible for fixing their mess. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

BeatMeating −  NTA. Their poor financial choices are not your fault or problem, speaking purely based on you being a separate person. The fact that they EXPECT this from their own CHILD is downright disgusting. I’m so sorry that you’re being put through this

sgdoherty −  Okay first of even if they HAD gone above and beyond for you in your childhood and also paid your way through college you wouldn’t be TA for refusing to give them money.
Parents caring for their kids financially is what parents do… it’s not something that needs to be made up for once you’ve grown.

If that were the case then it seems to me your sibling have a lot of paying back to do. You’re NTA and don’t let them hound you until you give in because they’ll end up milking you dry and putting you in the same situation and them and your siblings.

nonanonaye −  Gosh I hate parents who see their kids as a piggy bank. Nope NTA and I would block anyone coming at you with any nonsense of “owing them”. You don’t need that kind of energy in your life. You’re right, they chose to have you. Which includes providing for you for at least 18 years, which they clearly didn’t even do if you had to start working at 14.

Their irresponsibility is not your responsibility! Oh another; don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm. Just because they did it, doesn’t mean you should. I’m sorry you have a r/justnofamily. The beauty of adulthood is finding people that enrichen your life, and cutting out those who don’t. You get to choose your tribe. No one is entitled to being in your life just because you share some dna.

CranchMcBasketball −  Don’t in any circumstances give them any money. You are not the a**hole. You seem like the smartest in the family. Imagine the audacity to demand money as ‘repayment’ for raising you the last 18 years like that’s not what parents are SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN THEY HAVE A CHILD.

If I was in your position I would cut all ties from all family members. I think the fact that the first contact they have with you after not seeing them for a while is a request for money which then turned into a demand. That should tell you everything you need to know about these people.

mindonthebrink −  NTA. EVER. WTF. Do not give them a DIME. You worked your ASS off because they couldn’t/wouldn’t manage their finances and children properly. They were legally obligated to feed and clothe you for eighteen years because you were a MINOR. You earned money in preparation for being neglected and forgotten once they were no longer obligated to look after you.

They wasted money on your sister for no damn reason (yes, I know, wedding… a mortgage for a wedding is no damn reason. Saying this as a female who would love to be married one day. I would never put my parents or even myself into financial hardship for a fancy wedding) and they dug themselves into that hole. Please tell me you’re living somewhere on your own and not in any way shape or form ever going to be required to live with them again.

RogueDIL −  Hold up. You’re 19? And they couldn’t assist you in any way with the cost of **your education**. But they remortgaged their home to pay for your 28 year old sister’s ***wedding**?. *****NTA*****. Don’t give them a dime.

hedgeh0gburrow −  You are NTA. that is F**KING OUTLANDISH that they would even say that to you. INFO, why do you have a relationship with these people?

elsie223 −  NTA – Do. Not. Give. Them. Your. Life. Savings. You are flush now which is great for someone just starting their life. Get the college education you saved for. Keep a little nest egg to put money down on a house. Maintain your savings to bail yourself out one day, if you find yourself out of work.

A small loan in my family never turned out to be a loan, and never turned out to be a one-time thing. If you can from this point forward, avoid telling your family what you make and what is in your savings.

R3publicrul3s −  NTA, that’s ridiculous really, I mean come on you lived here as a minor so give us 40 to cover the 30k we dropped on your sister??!!!! They have serious issues and need to learn how to manage their money

ritan7471 −  Lock down your credit. They have your SSN and if you are in the US, you’d be AMAZED how easy it is to open credit just with an SSN and a date of birth. Do it before they steal your identity.

A family argument in a modest living room. The parents are sitting on a couch, looking frustrated and gesturing toward a young woman standing opposite them with crossed arms, visibly upset. A few adult siblings are in the background, some looking tense, others speaking up. The room is cluttered with family mementos, emphasizing the strained dynamic!