AITA for telling my dad’s new wife I don’t want to be her daughter?

A 17-year-old girl is struggling with her dad’s new marriage to a woman named Cass. She doesn’t feel ready to accept Cass as a mother figure, despite Cass’s repeated attempts to form a bond with her. After rejecting her request to be her maid of honor, expressing discomfort with a “mother/daughter” relationship,

and setting clear boundaries, the girl’s stance has led to tension with Cass, who feels hurt and rejected. The girl is now questioning if she’s in the wrong for refusing to embrace Cass as a mother figure. Read the original story below for the full context.

‘ AITA for telling my dad’s new wife I don’t want to be her daughter?’

My dad got remarried in June. It was just me (17f) and him for years after my mom died when I was 5. Then he met Cass 3 years ago and they started dating and fell crazy in love with each other. I met her and her sons (10, 8 and 7) 2 years ago. I get along fine with them but I’m not crazy about her.

I didn’t see her relationship with my dad as me getting another parent but as him getting a spouse for the future and stepsons. When they were planning their wedding Cass really wanted me to be her maid of honor. I told my dad I really wanted to be his best person. He asked me if I’d prefer to stand with him over Cass and I said 100% yes.

I told him he’s my dad after all and I loved him. That this was all for him and not for Cass. He said he wanted me too but didn’t want to stop Cass from having me as her maid of honor but since I was more comfortable standing with him he’d let her know. She tried to talk me around a bit and it was annoying but could have been so much worse.

It was after the wedding things got weird. She had wanted me to pose for photos with her and her mom at the wedding, saying she wanted photos with her mom and her daughter and I made a face and said I wasn’t okay with doing that since I’m not her daughter. She seemed totally blindsided by the fact I didn’t see myself as her daughter.

A few days after the wedding she sat me down and told me she had been looking forward to having a daughter as the mom of only boys and how it really hurt when I said that at the wedding. Dad interrupted so the talk was dropped and I tried to avoid it.

But Cass bought us a matching mother/daughter costumes for a Halloween party she was attending, even when I already had a costume bought, and she has a photo frame in her home office that says mommy’s girl and there’s a photo of me in it. I find it so weird and I don’t even love this woman or like her that much. I appreciate her for making my dad happy but I’m not looking for a mom.

Just before Christmas Cass told me I’m so distant and she really wants me to treat her like my mom. She said she wants me to he her daughter. I told her I don’t want to be her daughter or for her to be my new mom. I told her she’s married to my dad and she makes him happy so friends, maybe. But I’m not open up a new mom.

She told me I was setting out to crush her dreams of having a daughter when I didn’t even give her a chance to be a good mom to me and she said that was so unfair when she’s here doing everything she can to make us have a beautiful mother-daughter relationship. And she brought up how much it hurt her that I wasn’t her maid of honor at the wedding.. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Broad-Discipline2360 −  NTA. Your dad’s wife’s fantasy is not your responsibility. She should be grateful that you are willing to be friends. Talk to your dad again. Cass needs to back tf off.

Secret_Sister_Sarah −  YUCK! NTA – The “Mommy’s Girl” photo frame with your picture in it really pushed this from disturbing to stalker level creepy… No woman should ever expect a teenager (or child, even,)

to embrace her as a replacement mom just because she’s marrying the dad. If Cass won’t respect your boundaries, please go to your school counsellor and explain the creepiness of this situation. Your dad should be defending your sovereignty much harder than he is.

ConferenceLittle8563 −  NTA. That “Mommy’s Girl” photo frame with your picture in it is *way* too much. No woman should expect a teenager to treat her like a mom just because she married the dad. Cass is being overbearing and not respecting your boundaries.

Your dad should be defending your feelings more and stepping in when she pushes this too far. If it continues, definitely talk to a counselor to get advice on how to handle it. You’re totally right to set these boundaries, and she needs to back off.. Sorry for the word, but Ewwww!

Helpful-Antelope-678 −  NTA. Good on you for standing up for yourself to this crazy ass woman

Dittoheadforever −  You’re NTA. Two of the most basic rules of stepparenting are:  – never intrude upon or interfere with the parent/child relationship . – never demand a parent/child relationship. Your dad’s wife needs to take a huge step back and quit trying to force herself into a role that she has not earned and is not welcome.

Accomplished_Mud1658 −  NTA she’s kinda creepy. Tell her that she’s dating your father, not you. The all mommy talk with a almost legal adult it’s just creepy and not cute as she thinks.

pennyb7 −  NTA. Sounds like she married him more to gain a daughter than a husband. Set boundaries now and be glad you’re about to be an adult so you can better shut this down. Get ready for it to ramp up if/when you marry/have kids. I suspect she will lay the “mother of the bride” and “grandma” status on thick including on wedding announcements.

GrrrYouBeast −  It’s not your job to “fulfill her dreams” of having a daughter. She’s pushing your boundaries and demanding a relationship with you that you don’t want. Stand firm, and if she continues to push, you need to talk to your dad in private and let him know you’re not comfortable with her demands. Honestly, she sounds crazy, and somewhat obsessed with you. I hope you have plans to go away to college. I think you need to get away from her.

Significant-Coat-884 −  NTA, she is delulu. Go to college as far as you can. Grab all of your documents and put them in a safe place so she cannot try to stop you from leaving. Or she can’t have acess to your applications and cancel those far away, or even try to adopt you.

Ok_Play2364 −  Wow! Maybe she should have just tried getting to know you for the last couple of years instead of waiting. How is her boys and your dad’s relationship?

How do you navigate situations like this, where a stepparent is eager to form a bond but one child isn’t ready to accept them in that role? Should the girl try to compromise for the sake of her dad’s happiness, or is she justified in maintaining her boundaries? Share your thoughts in the comments!