Update – AITA for asking my wife to cut ties with her family after they invited her abusive ex to her birthday?

A man continues to support his wife after her family invited her abusive ex to her birthday, further traumatizing her. He confronted his mother-in-law, who apologized and promised not to involve the ex again.

Despite her apology, the couple is unsure if they should let the family back into their lives. The husband is torn between protecting his wife and giving her space to decide. Read the full update below to see what decision the couple might make next.

For those who want to read the previous part: https://aita.pics/tDMrX

‘ Update – AITA for asking my wife to cut ties with her family after they invited her abusive ex to her birthday?’

After we both decided to cut her family off my soon to be mil showed up at my place today and she said that I am manipulating my wife and she just wants to have a good relationship with her future son in law and her daughter but I am being unreasonable. I asked her if she loves her daughter so much why did they bring her abusive ex in our home? Did she expect us to just go through with it.

My mil apologized and said that ex is family as well and they wanted to involve him and he wanted to apologise but I kicked them out and she wants to be in her daughter’s life and her grandchildren’s life and she will never bring her ex infront of my wife and even willing to cut him off.

I asked her if she’s so important why would you bring your daughter’s abuser in her home and on her birthday? You cause so much pain to her and she doesn’t want to talk to you right now and what man hurts a woman as sweet and kind as her? She was abused and she is still scared and now not only her partner betrayed her even her family betrayed her.

I asked her to leave and told her that I will talk to my wife and we will get back to her, after she left I told my wife everything and she was shocked but she said if her mother is sorry and promising us that ex won’t get involved in our life she is okay with it.

I told her that we should wait and after what they have done we don’t know if they manipulating us or are genuine with their intentions, my wife agreed, she’s still angry and sad but I am helping her as much as I can to uplift her mood.

But I don’t know if my wife should be in their life, I can’t tell her what to do but as her man I feel like I should protect her after what they did and we trust and communicate with each other and we don’t do something unless we both agree on it so I am wondering what I should do?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Still_Actuator_8316 −  The only thing I can say is if your wife is willing then go ahead but take it slow. Make her parents earn her trust again though their actions and not just their words. But also make it clear to them that their will not be another chance if they mess this one up.. I wish you both the best

NefariousnessFresh24 −  What I don’t understand is how your MIL can consider a man who abused and mentally scarred her daughter “family”. If somebody did s**t like that to my daughter (I don’t have kids, so I am talking hypothetical), I don’t know if they would ever find his body. But I sure as f**k wouldn’t consider him “Family”

Find_me_at_the_beach −  NTA-they would consider their daughter abusers family?

Accomplished_Mud1658 −  OP, let’s talk about domestic violence? Listen, I worked with psychology evaluation in government assistance. I saw things. I know things. And I know that her family will hurt her. They’ll put your wife in dangerous situation. I still remember of the family who locked the daughter to forgive and forget the abusive ex. He graped her.

She had to run away cuz the entire small town believe she’s a lier. She unalive herself cuz in my country a**rtion is not legal and she had to give birth to the baby. This is just one of the many cases of way you should never keep contact with family who let your abuser give access with you. This is not negotiable.

With time, you guys will forget and give them access to your routine and house. You have to protect her and yourself. Your safety is more important than anyone’s feelings – even your own. What they’re doing is a form of domestic violence too and I can see why your wife got in such a terrible relationship.

Kids who have this kind of family have a tendency of being pushovers. Your wife needs to understand the gravity of what they did. GIVING ACCESS TO YOUR ABUSER IS A FORM OF VIOLENCE. NEVER MINIMIZE THAT.

wlfwrtr −  You should get your wife into therapy to not only help with the abuse trauma but she has the strength and tools to stand up for herself if ever she finds herself alone in such a situation. Family won’t be cutting ex off if they consider them family too. She should not agree to meet even for a cup of coffee without you by her side.

Bencil_McPrush −  * I told my wife everything and she was shocked but she said if her mother is sorry and promising us that ex won’t get involved in our life she is okay with it*. Your wife seems very gullible. Be on your guard, that ex WILL be back. Your MIL has not changed and she did not learn anything from this.

LucyLovesApples −  I’m going to tell you this. If one of my children was in such an abusive relationship other than helping them escape the person I would NEVER EVER let that abuser near my kid again. No matter how old they are. Block the in laws. Get a ring doorbell and tell your partner you want to try therapy together so they can see how f**k up their parents are

denitra1984 −  MIL: We love our daughter and want to be in her life. Also MIL: Supporting the abusive ex because he wants to apologize.. Make it make sense!!! Good job supporting your wife, her family needs a reality check immediately with strict boundaries.

mcindy28 −  Still NTA but this is up to your wife. Give it time but take it slowly. Just be on guard for her.

bigbadmamaofdc −  How the f**k does MIL fix her mouth to say the man that abused her daughter is still family? Nah, she needs to f**k all the way off. I’d gladly go to jail for what I’d do if a man raised a hand to my child. With a smile. Still NTA and your wife needs to be kept away from her parents/family until she. Is strong enough to tell them to f**k off as loud as possible. Disgusting!

Do you think the husband should continue to protect his wife by keeping her family at a distance, or should they allow time for reconciliation? How would you handle the situation if you were in their shoes? Share your thoughts in the comments!