AITA for ignoring my mom asking me to get involved with her new family after I got rich?

A Redditor shares a deeply personal story about his estranged relationship with his mother, who left his family when he was a teenager. After achieving financial success, his mother now pressures him to reconnect and help support her new family. Despite feeling guilty, he struggles to forgive her for the past. Is he wrong for ignoring her requests? Read the full story below to see the emotional details.

‘ AITA for ignoring my mom asking me to get involved with her new family after I got rich?’

My mom left my dad when I was 17 (I’m 29 now) and had a new boyfriend literally straight away. We all suspected that she was cheating with this dude beforehand but there was never any proof and she even to this day refuses to admit it. She had 2 more kids with this guy.

When my mom and dad broke up I moved out to live with my dad who had moved back in with his parents. The major reason for this was because she told me to leave as I kept fighting with her new dude. I really did NOT want to deal with a new guy in my moms life and I was really upset that she didn’t give a s**t about how much pain my dad was in.

When she told me to leave…Something in me changed and I am still unable to forgive her. That solidified bc my 14 year old sister stayed with my mom for a year and then begged to come and live with my dad because she hated it so much at my moms place. And my sister and mom were CLOSE so for my sister to feel that way it must have been bad.

Since I was 18 my grandparents kept pushing me to start a business bc I like to tinker and had built a few specialised tools for a niche construction industry that my dad was in and they saw potential in me. They gave me a lot of money as an investment (actually they re mortgaged their house that’s much they believed in me) and basically, I majorly lucked out and managed to land some national contracts at 24 that turned into more than a few millions of dollars over a few months when the business boomed.

The profit trajectory has risen since then and basically, I’m living a life I never thought would be for a shmuck like me. I moved my dad, sister, and grandparents out to the east coast a couple years back and we’ve started a new life. I am surrounded by people who see and saw the best in me and I’m grateful so much bc I was seriously messed up after my mom blew our family apart.

For the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. She is getting increasingly more insistent that I go visit her and her boyfriend and kids and keeps trying to guilt trip me because my sister has a much more privileged life now and my younger two half siblings don’t. She keeps telling me that ‘even if I don’t forgive her I should look out for the kids as they’re innocent in all this’

AITA because day to day I have no interest in helping her or her family? IMO she made her bed and she can lay in it but the guilt eats me alive sometimes. I just can’t forgive her though.

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

frumpyfrog −  NTA. For the last couple years or so my mom has been on my case to reunite with her. Your mom had no interest in a relationship with you until it would benefit her and her “new” family. If you want to set your half-siblings up with a college fund (that your mom can’t touch), go for it. If not, don’t, and quit feeling guilty about it. Your mom made this mess and you have no obligation to her. You have no reason to feel guilty for YOUR success.

w3woody −  NTA. And wealth has nothing to do with this. She disconnected from you when you were young and apparently created a toxic environment for your sister–and now she wants to re-connect.

Frankly I wouldn’t touch that with a 10 foot pole, because you already know how this will play out, right? She’s looking at you to help her out of a life of her own making after shoving you away–so if only for your own sanity, I’d stay far away.

teresajs −  NTA. It’s HER job to look out for her kids. Consider going No Contact… she only wants your money.

Whoozit450 −  NTA it’s unfortunate for her other kids that they have her as a mother, but you can always advise her to support those kids like your dad and grandparents supported you if she wants them to be successful.

I mean I understand that those kids are half siblings, but you weren’t raised with them. They are strangers to you. It would be no different than if you had been given up for adoption and later found your mom and half sibs. Sharing DNA does not make a family.

seth928 −  NTA. Yea, your half siblings are innocent in all of this but you’re not actively harming them. It’s your money, you get to take care of who *you* want to take care of. If you don’t feel enough of a connection with them to ‘look out’ for them in some way then you don’t have to.

It was your mother’s responsibility to forge a bond between you and your half sibling, she failed at that. If anyone hurt innocents here it was her. She doesn’t get to guilt you for hurting innocents when she’s the one who caused harm. They’re her kids it no one else’s job to ‘look out for them’.

robinscats −  NTA. Your mom sees an ATM in you and she’s hoping to be able to cash in on your success. Don’t feel guilty.

bossyjudge −  NTA. Congrats on your success. You do not owe her anything.

JackThreeFingered −  NTA – You really shouldn’t help out her and her family. And can we talk for a second about the whole, “the kids are innocent in all this” phrase that I’ve heard more than a few times on here? I feel like that phrase is being used to rationalize all kinds of BS. I see it being used in cases where somebody has no obligation to specific kids and is expected to give up a lot or turn their lives upside down for their benefit.

Jaykaybabay −  NTA at ALL. Congrats on having a family who believes in you and being successful in your career. That said, it’s your career, your money, and your closest family. You have no obligation to ANY of them (besides paying your grandparents back) and do everything because you want to, which is so lovely and kind. Your half siblings live with their parents and by your account, aren’t starving or in need. You don’t need to do anything.

Enjoy your life and surround yourself by people who love and support you. I’d suggest having a script for when your mom starts in on this. Something like ‘we’re not going to discuss finances or what you feel is unfair between the siblings. If you can’t agree to that, we can say goodbye today and chat another day.’ If she keeps going, hang up!! Hold to the line!! It’ll feel rude but demanding someone else’s money is actually the rude thing.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Those are her children not yours. You owe nothing to them or her. She chose to have kids with her new man so she should expect to take care of them herself.

Do you think the Redditor should put aside his past pain and help his half-siblings, or is it fair for him to prioritize the people who stood by him during his struggles? How would you handle a family member reaching out after years of estrangement? Share your thoughts below!