AITA for Telling My Twin that She Should Have Worked on Herself Instead of Expecting Me to Let Myself Go for Her Wedding?

A Reddit user shares the fallout from her twin sister’s wedding, where tensions flared after the bride (May) accused her of trying to “upstage” her. The user had transformed her lifestyle over the years, working on her physical and mental health, but May expected her to stop prioritizing her appearance to ensure the bride felt confident on her big day.

The situation escalated when May became upset at the wedding and made comments about her sister’s appearance. The user responded by telling May she should have worked on her insecurities instead of expecting others to hold themselves back. While her family supports her, May’s friends and in-laws have sided against her, leaving the user questioning her actions.

‘ AITA for Telling My Twin that She Should Have Worked on Herself Instead of Expecting Me to Let Myself Go for Her Wedding?’

At the end of our first year of college, I was in a car accident, and I ended up with a facial scar and major trauma. I started seeing a therapist because of the nightmares and the fact that I was panicking any time I got into a car. That lead to me realizing there were some deeper issues, which we worked on.

As part of that work, I got a physical, started working with a dietician to fix my diet and the smorgasbord of vitamin deficiencies it caused. I started working out (strength training 3 days and sprints or HIIT on 3) with our older sis. By the end of our first year of college, we had each gained about 30 lbs.

By the end of the next year, I had lost half of it, but I was smaller at 134 lbs. than my previous 120 because of the muscle mass. And that’s been my size for the past half decade. I found a new beautician, and she gave me long layers (to make my natural curls be curls instead of waves of frizz) I always wanted but that my old one said would look bad and refused.

I stopped bleaching it and let it go its natural dark blonde/light brown. I stopped spray tanning. Again, that’s been my look for the past five years. I live in a rural area, and the internet isn’t great. Things like facetime just aren’t options, and I can’t post a lot of pics on social media b/c of it. This is relevant because a big issue is that May didn’t see me over the quarantine.

We talked on the phone a couple times a week, but it mostly revolved around her wedding planning (she got engaged before the Rona put us on lockdown). I wasn’t her MoH, so mostly I was being told decisions, not involved in the process. When it came to the bridesmaids’ dresses, May sent our sister, SIL, and me a link and told us to get it in our size.

Same with hair and makeup, but we had to arrange for a beautician because May’s wouldn’t do more than four, and she wanted her friends at the appointment with her. Except she didn’t do a bachelorette party with us (she did with her friends) or rehearsal dinner, so May didn’t see any of us until the start of the wedding. She was livid.

Apparently, she thought we would have stopped working out because of the Rona (even though we did it at home?) or that we would have stopped when she announced her engagement, so we didn’t upstage her. She was mad because I didn’t try to hide my scar and didn’t tan, thought it. “would be implied.”

She made several snide remarks before throwing a drunk temper tantrum at the reception, basically accusing the 3 of us, but me esp. of trying to upstage her. I don’t have that excuse b/c I was a DD so sober, but I (quite famously) have a low tolerance for angry or crying drunks.

I told her “If you’re so insecure, you should’ve got off your ass instead of expecting us to lay on ours to make yours look better.” It only got worse. Our family is on my side b/c I didn’t start it or **do** anything, but his family and her friends are giving me s**t. So, AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

withOneStar −  A wedding day is probably the day where your sister should have been the center of attention. Well she did an exceptional job of that, now everyone will remember her as Bridezilla. NTA at all, but I would suggest she works on herself. Maybe appoint a therapy session for both of you to improve this relationship? (if both of you want, of course)

Careful-Bumblebee-10 −  NTA. Your sister sounds like a majorly entitled bridezilla. How were none of you, her bridesmaids, not invited to the bachelorette or the REHEARSAL DINNER??? Wtf.

marmaladestripes725 −  NTA. If a bride wants to look good for her wedding, she needs to work on herself and not expect her bridesmaids to change just for her. Your sister is being incredibly childish for expecting you to let yourself go to make her look good. And her husband and his family are AHs for getting in between sisters.

Something_or-Other −  NTA. You went through a lot and instead of being proud of you for facing your fears, your sister has been incredibly selfish. Seriously, it sounds like she wanted to get married just to feel good about herself rather than because she truly loves someone. Has she always been like this?

ele71ua −  NTA…..What on Earth. Are y’all supposed to rock up looking like baby beluga whales while twiggy the bride is complimented on how thin and tan she is? And you have a scar, from nearly dying. That’s life, she should be so happy you aren’t dead. What if you had been horribly burned or otherwise disfigured completely, if you had missing arms would you be a bridesmaid?

She’s really vain and not nice. Girl, you do you. Just look in the mirror and be proud of yourself. (And here’s a tip for your curly hair, I found this and my naturally curly hair and it’s been a magical transformation: Cantu Natural Hair Shampoo & Conditioner, the Cantu curl activator, the twist and lock gel and the super shine gloss. It’s not nearly as expensive as all the others I’ve tried. Just a tip from one curly girl to another. )

VarnishedTruths −  NTA Your sister sounds super entitled and, frankly, cruel. Good on you for taking care of yourself and not being afraid of your scar! Your sister should be happy for you, and it’s a shame she can’t be.

RestInPeaceLater −  NTA she was being a bridezilla and you don’t need to uglify yourself to make someone feel better. Though at the wedding you should’ve said “you look so beautiful, there is no way I’m upstaging you” because it’s a wedding and she’s the bride. but I understand lowering yourself due to being provoked

bellePunk −  NTA! Wow, so she didn’t even bother to invite you to the rehearsal and then has the audacity to be angry that you aren’t ugly enough for her? What exactly was she wanting from her siblings? Were you all supposed to show up looking h**eous so that she could be the pretty one?

You obviously were not invited to share in her joy. You were props, but she didn’t bother to make sure that her props matched her expectations. You and your sisters have grown lovelier and that didn’t suit her idea of what you were supposed to look like.

Ritehandwingman −  I think ESH, but not because you chose to work on yourself, and she didn’t. She let her insecurities get the best of her while in drunk bride from hell mode. She went on a drunken tirade and that’s inexcusable. You, being sober, should’ve have recognized this was a time to hold your tongue and walk away.

Most circumstances, I think it would have been fine, but in the middle of her wedding ceremony, in front of what I’m assuming was most *everybody* she knows, she’s already making a pretty big fool of herself. There’s no need to add fire to that, no matter how drunk and assholeish she’s being.

Party_Teacher6901 −  NTA. Has she always been this entitled?