Wife broke down crying at dinner table over ex-boyfriend.

A Redditor shares his distressing experience at the dinner table when his wife unexpectedly broke down in tears over her ex-boyfriend, even though they’ve been married for nearly a year. While her daughter innocently asked about the ex, his wife was overcome with emotion, revealing the deep pain caused by his betrayal over four years ago.

The Redditor is now struggling with feelings of insecurity, wondering if his wife still has lingering feelings for her ex and whether their relationship can ever fully heal. Read the full story below to learn more about this challenging moment.

‘ Wife broke down crying at dinner table over ex-boyfriend.’

Me: 42M. Wife: 42F. We have been married for almost a year. Together for 3. Scenario: Having dinner, eating & drinking wine. (Just one glass of wine not getting drunk) – her daughter (12) asks about her Ex boyfriend, as in what happened/why they broke up (more than 4 years ago) and my wife breaks down at the table, full on crying, gets up and leaves the table. We are just stuck in slow motion at the table. Her daughter says ‘thought she would have been over that by now’ and I say the same.

We talk about it privately and she says that she was hurt by him and his betrayal. (He left her for another woman) – but 4 years ago, and I’m now married to her. She says her episode was a result of the pain from the betrayal, not from feelings for him.

I’m having a hard time with this as it seems like there are some left over feelings for him she isn’t telling me about. I’m feeling like maybe I’ll never live up to what they had together. Her daughter isn’t biologically related to the ex-bf. The energy in our house is very heavy.. Help.. Trying to get past it.

Check out how the community responded:

workingtrot −  When I found out my then-fiance was cheating on me, I threw up. I still have a very visceral reaction when I think about that time, now almost 9 years later. I am in a wonderful relationship now and have not a shred of positive emotion towards my ex. But the feelings were still very intense and still reverberate sometimes.

SadderOlderWiser −  Her daughter took her by surprise and apparently poked a sore spot when she asked about why they had broken up. Your wife may very well have been surprised by the strength of her own reaction. How awkward for her to be asked that by a child, too, and perhaps not know how to answer without either having to lie or going into more adult details than you’d want to share with a 12 year old.

Please don’t make this into something about your relationship – bring your wife some flowers and try to show that you understand emotions can be a little messy at times and that’s OK. Bonus: you’ll be showing your wife why the man she married is a better man than the a**hole who cheated, too.

[Reddit User] −  A guy left me for another woman in the most horrible and degrading fashion that I was upset for years afterwards just thinking about it. If I was at all unprepared for the memory I would have burst out crying too. Even while wanting to rip his stupid face off.

The fact that 12 yr old daughter didnt know makes me think she could be 100% honest, and buried that pain with “I dont want to talk about it” before now. Kids are curious though so eventually daughter thought she could ask. Your wife needs someone to talk to who wont be judgemental about this like a therapist. Please dont hold her having feelings against her. Try to problem solve with her instead of assume the worst about her actions here. Good luck

skyscan1 −  Let me start out by saying that I am happily married and have been married for over two decades. But I am still hurt by an exgirlfriend that cheated on me many years ago. We were the couple everyone looked to. We went everywhere together. I was invited to all her family get togethers. She was smart and very attracted to me. She couldn’t keep her hands off of me when we were together. We, I thought had a great relationship. I worked some nights during the week but always asked off for a weekend night to take her out.

On the nights I was working she was hooking up with another guy. He never took her out on dates. He just went to her house to hook up. She did this for a year before I found out. I was the safe stable guy with a job while he was the guy who was getting her on the side. He knew all about our relationship. All of her family knew and never told me.

Even today 30 years later I sometimes think of her betrayal and how I looked like such a fool to so many people. How I was used and taken advantage. I have no good feelings for her but I am still bothered how she could use me so easily. Now I wouldn’t break down over it but I have talked about it over the years and used it as a teachable moment with my kids.. She probably has no feelings for her ex but the betrayal still hurts.

iSoReddit −  She says her episode was a result of the pain from the betrayal, not from feelings for him. Why don’t you believe her when she says this, do you have reason to disbelieve her when she tells you other things?

danimals3 −  Sounds like she was asked to recount a particularly painful time in her life and she was genuinely upset remembering it. Doesn’t mean it’s about you or that she is not over him. I’d definitely say there should be further conversation, but I also think it is far more likely that she is upset by this past betrayal and recounting the very painful memory associated with it.

ThatsATallGlassOfNo −  I can’t say I still cry about this but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t salty over my ex boyfriend of five years breaking up with me three days after my birthday. I mean, I’m happier for it and it’s been a year and a half and we’re good friends now. But… It’s pretty difficult to forget three days after your birthday 🙄. That being said, I went to go to an art show Saturday and I got there after it had closed because I misread the Facebook page. I had to keep myself from crying, and it was really more a cumulation of stress and migraine hangover. Is there something else going on?

starshine1988 −  Other people discuss why it’s probably more the hurt over what happened vs. not being over HIM/missing HIM. But I also want to offer another idea… If her daughter was 8 when they broke up, your wife probably wasn’t explaining the details of cheating etc to her and why the relationship ended… So I would guess that the idea of explaining it to your young daughter is probably a whole emotional can of worms that may have taken her by surprise. It’s one thing talking about a negative past it to a peer, its another thing explaining it to your kid.

cocoaboots −  OP, I was just broken up with about 6 months ago and I just had this exact conversation with someone a couple days ago. I don’t miss him as a person and I don’t want to get back together with him. I see his flaws and every way that he was not good for me. However, the memory of betrayal and being cast aside is still very painful and still leaves me with sadness, anger and shame when I think about it. I know that 6 months is not comparable to 4 years, but time isn’t linear.. ​

I am looking forward to dating and loving someone new, and these memories do not mean I still have lingering feelings for my ex. The pain is no longer associated with him as a person, but rather the pain and shame of being broken up with in the first place, and knowing that my long term investment was for naught.. ​

I suspect that these memories will always hurt, because it hurts to be hurt by another person and that’s okay. I do not believe indifference is achievable for each and every person. My sister is currently engaged, and still gets angry when she thinks about her last breakup from 3 years ago. She is completely devoted to her fiance and also has no feelings for her ex.. ​

My theory is that it is painful because the memory forces me to feel lesser than I view myself, and it feels as if my power is taken away. It also continually forces me to revisit the fact that I somehow got myself into that mess, that I was unable see the signs, which invokes feelings of disappointment in myself. That is where my pain comes from. I would not jump to the conclusion that your wife is not over her ex, instead talk to her about it more and try to see exactly where her pain comes from.

kt-bug17 −  Think about what happened at dinner from your wife’s POV: She’s having a good dinner with her husband and her daughter. It’s always great to sit down and spend time with her family at the end of the day, a special time to relax and bond. The two of you are drinking some wine, and the conversation has been relatively light, normal, and pleasant. Then out of nowhere her daughter asks “Hey why did you and EXBF break up?”

Your wife is completely blindsided by the question. She’s flooded with memories and emotions from that time: the deep pain, rage, and betrayal of finding out that her EX was cheating; the devastation and embarrassment of her relationship ending as her EX leaves your wife for his mistress; the confusion and shame of “How do I explain this to other people? How do I explain this to my child?”; the worry about how the sudden loss of an established parental figure is going to affect her daughter; and the fear and uncertainty as the path she thought her life was going on is suddenly yanked out from under her.

How does she even answer that question? What is she supposed to say to a twelve year old? Her mind is racing and she’s starting to panic. She has no idea what to say, she wasn’t expecting to talk to her daughter about this at this young age (especially not over family dinner), and the next thing she knows she’s crying as all those emotions she never properly dealt with begin overwhelm her. She can’t stand the thought of breaking down in front of her daughter so she gets up and leaves the room to try and compose herself..

The most likely explanation here is that your wife got o**rwhelmed by an out of the blue question that bought up some painful memories she wasn’t expecting nor was emotionally prepared for. It sounds like she still hasn’t fully dealt with the emotional trauma of being broken up with in such a painful, embarrassing, confusing, and traumatic way. Maybe she repressed all those emotions and that question brought everything up all at once.

Maybe she thought she had fully dealt with what happened and this instance is the wake up call she needs so she can readdress the trauma to actually heal. Whatever the reason for this emotional response she needs to consider talking to a professional to get help with processing and moving past this experience, because it sounds like she hasn’t been able to do so on her own.