My husband of 16 years is having a baby. And it’s not mine.

A Redditor shares the heartbreaking situation of discovering her husband of 16 years is having a child with another woman. After leaving the family for a year and living a bachelor lifestyle, he returned, but later revealed he is now expecting a baby with his girlfriend from abroad. Despite wanting to move on with her, he refuses to divorce, leaving her struggling to make ends meet while caring for their two children. She is seeking advice on how to secure a divorce and financial support for her kids. Read the full story below for more details.

‘ My husband of 16 years is having a baby. And it’s not mine.’

I (46f) have lived with my husband (48m) for over 20 years, married for 16 and we have two kids (16 and 9). One year ago he decided that he has had enough of family life and went to live with his parents for some time. He was behaving like a bachelor for the entirety of his stay with them, found a girlfriend and was drunk constantly. He had used alchohol before but we never had much problems around it. He also spent a lot of his time playing games with friends on his computer.

One year ago he informed me that he found a girlfriend and was ready to move out of our apartment and cut ties, although he didn’t quite do that. He left me (making close to minimum wage) to care for our two kids and also left a collection of unpaid bills going back months. After that I fell into a depressive episode that lasted two months and my two close friends managed to get me out of it.

About three months after he left us, he came back, well not really. He started coming to our city, hanging out with the kids again and also with me, inviting me out for drinks and dinner. All was going well and my 16 year old went on a week long trip with him.

For a while, all was going well. He said that the girlfriend was a lie and he just needed some time away to clear his head, last night I sent him a “Good night, love you” text as I usually do, but in the morning he replied with “I don’t deserve your love. I’m about to become a dad again. I’m sorry” I later called him to ask what he meant by that and he told me that he has a girlfriend in another country who is pregnant with his kid. She plans to keep it and he wants to cut ties with me and our kids to care for that child.

I don’t know what to do. I requested devorce but he declined saying he was not ready. Can anyone give me advice regarding this situation. Can I divorce him anyways, even though he doesn’t want to do it. Is there any way I can secure payments to my kids, since with only my job I can barely make end meet for the basics. I do some odd jobs here and there but it’s not enough..

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TL;DR! My husband of 16 years took a break from our marrieage, then returned and impregnated a woman he was seeing. He wants to be with her, but refuses divorce. I can barely make ends meet with my salary for our kids. Can I divorce him anyways, even though he doesn’t want to do it. Is there any way I can secure payments to my kids, since with only my job I can barely make end meet for the basics.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

EmotionalMycologist9 −  Speak with an attorney asap. He doesn’t want a divorce because he doesn’t want to help with the kids. File for divorce and request child support and alimony.

LazyCart −  I requested devorce but he declined. YOU DO NOT NEED HIS PERMISSION TO START A DIVORCE.

gottahavewine −  It’s already wild to me that you allowed him to come back and went to get drinks with him, sent “good night, I love you” texts etc. after he abandoned you and your two kids and left you with his debt… Divorce should have happened a year ago.

CocoJo42 −  Even if you guys are split why the hell is he not financially contributing to your kids’ needs?? He doesn’t get to just up and leave and you deal with everything. If he wants to leave then adios but he has to financially support/assist. You need to talk to someone to take the next steps. Ask the friends that helped you before to navigate the lawyer process with you. F**k that guy he’s a l**er.

Individual-Foxlike −  You need a divorce lawyer. Many will do the initial consultation for free. You’re going to need a divorce and to set up child support.

Famous_Tap_3971 −  He’s not ready for a divorce, but he was ready to make a child out of another woman!

WetFishy69 −  This s**t makes me wanna cry.

[Reddit User] −  Jesus christ…one of the worst things I’ve read in a while. Why the f**k do these men that have children outside of their marriage choose to just abandon their previous children/family?? Like okay, you’re already a disgusting individual that let your family down. But why choose to punish them even more by abandoning them?! What a disgusting excuse of a man.

MetaverseLiz −  You get a divorce and take him to the cleaners. Get a divorce lawyer ASAP and record every single thing your ex says to you. You’ll also want to start setting up therapy for your kids.

NerdyLifting −  Edit: I shouldn’t have assumed you were US based. Still, your best bet is to contact a lawyer to answer at least the divorce questions you have. Then see if your government offers any sort of assistance programs. He declined? That’s not how that works. Find a lawyer and have him served. Contact child support to apply, look into things like SNAP, TANF, and Medicaid.