My[30/M] fiance[29/F] told me that she would leave me for her soulmate and that it is normal of couples to have this agreement.

A man learns a devastating truth after his fiancée admits she considers her ex to be her soulmate and claims it’s normal for couples to have an “arrangement” to leave if their soulmate returns. Now questioning the foundation of their relationship, he is left hurt and confused. Read the full story below.

‘ My[30/M] fiance[29/F] told me that she would leave me for her soulmate and that it is normal of couples to have this agreement.’

My fiance dated a guy before me that she was incredibly in love with. I knew she was into him, but they dated for 2 years, and we have been together for 4 years. He ended it because he wasn’t ready for commitment, according to her. We’ve been engaged since July, with the wedding set for next September. Over the Christmas holidays she told me that since we are getting married, we need to be open and honest with each other, which I have been about my whole life, and I thought she had.

Come to find out she considers her ex to be soulmate and if he asked, she would go back. She said this is normal for most couples to have an arrangement like this, and that he may never say anything. If that is the case, she loves me and wants a life and a family with me. I got upset and said why are you with me then, and she told me to calm down, that everyone settles. She said she will always love me, but this is just the way things are.

I’ve been avoiding her for days now. I am incredibly hurt, I thought she wanted to spend her life with me, but now it is with an asterisks. Am I overreacting, like she says? Is it normal for people to have this type of situation? Tl;dr: Fiance said she is soulmates with her ex and would leave me if he asked, said this is normal for most couples.

Check out how the community responded:

OMGTRIGGERED −  Its not normal for an SO to say she will leave over the idea of a soulmate. Basically, shes warned you that if she can do better than you she will drop you immediately. Get some self respect, find someone who wont leave over a “soulmate”, which is really just hollywood b**lshit.

AnferneeBourdain −  I believe this is just one of those things where you say “welp…” , and start canceling the wedding invitations. Most issues can be worked through in a relationship, but this isn’t an issue, it’s a fact; you will always be her participation trophy, and she will always wish you were her first choice.

mucifous −  The vows don’t say “Forsaking all others, except that one guy…”

Tera0000 −  everyone settles. Wtf? No. Everyone does not settle. Those who do, regret it. You are her second best, her safe bet and she is using you. You need to let her go back to her so called soulmate so you can find yours. You should absolutely not settle for someone who does not put you first and is pining for someone else. Please have more respect for yourself, you should never be your wife’s second choice.

replyer −  She said this is normal for most couples to have an arrangement like this, and that he may never say anything. Er, no. First I’ve heard, and I’ve been around. This is no way even approaching normal. She is bullshitting you here. So, she has stated, absolutely clearly and honestly : “Honey, you are my second choice. My consolation prize. Not great, but you’ll do.” I’m guessing you aren’t too thrilled to be the backup plan, the spare tyre. I mean, props to her for coming out with it, when she could have kept silent. But I think that is a deal breaker. At least put the wedding on hold.

TheSadSadist −  I’m pretty sure we all know that s**t isn’t “normal.”

Clydicals −  Sometimes I wish I could meet these people. They sound fascinating.

eshtive353 −  Never be someone’s second choice OP. This is not normal in relationships. You deserve an SO who thinks the sun shines out of your ass, not someone who’d leave you in a heartbeat for their ex. This is a huge deal, and imo, a dealbreaker personally. Your smartest move would be to just end the relationship and move on. I’m not sure how to resolve this situation any other way with the least amount of pain.

CharacterLimitsAreSo −  If I were in your shoes, I would break up with her over this. This is not an acceptable or normal thing for spouses to do to one another. It should tell you all that you need to know that she doesn’t respect you enough to stay out of a relationship if she still holds a candle for her ex. Especially since she pretty much said “I will marry you” and “But I’ll leave you for my ex the second he asks” in the same breath. That isn’t love or respect. That is “I’m too insecure to be alone, so I’m going to drag you along behind me until I don’t need you anymore”. That is not okay.

I encourage you to have the self respect not to be this girl’s second choice. If she wants to wait around for her ex, I say let her do so and let her do so while she is single. You deserve to be someone’s number one, not wondering every day if your f**king **wife** is going to come home or not.

ETA: I am a married woman. I do not believe in “settling” nor does “everyone” do it. She is lying to your face in order to normalize her bad behavior. It’s even more m**ipulative that she waited to tell you this not when you got into a relationship but when you’ve already decided to marry her. Most likely hoping that because you’re so attached, you won’t d**p her like she deserves. She is a s**t partner and a s**t person. Don’t marry her, OP. You can and should do so much better than a partner who 100% will always put their ex first.

anonRedditUser11 −  Run. You are not reacting enough. Get out now or you will likely experience lots of heart ache later.