AITA For not giving my wife her daughter’s address so she could see the newborn?

A Redditor shared a complex family conflict involving his stepdaughter, Sarah, who recently gave birth. Sarah’s relationship with her mother (the Redditor’s wife) has been strained for years due to her mother’s harsh behavior. Now, the wife is demanding Sarah’s address to visit her grandchild, but the stepdad refuses out of respect for Sarah’s wishes. His wife, backed by family, accuses him of being cruel and controlling for not sharing the address. The situation has left him wondering: Is he in the wrong? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA For not giving my wife her daughter’s address so she could see the newborn?’

Hear me out please. I’m a 46 year-old father who lost a daughter (Molly) years ago to Brain Cancer. Molly’s death broke me. She was my only child I’m no longer who I was before this tragedy. I married my wife when my stepdaughter (Sarah) was 15. Sarah had issues with her mom. Her mom would kick her out over small arguments.

She kicked her out for getting a haircut, for failing one class and other reasons. Every time she’d bring her back home and tell her to learn her lesson or she’d be kicked out. One time her mom kicked her out over a dairy at 17 and Sarah had enough and didn’t return. She started working. I remained in contact.

I just couldn’t let her struggle I tried to help her financially but she refused. she’s incredibly independent and a hard working person. She reminded me of Molly. I decided to help in other ways. I got her a better job opportunity by calling someone I knew at the time.

This way she still had to work to earn money which is something she wanted. And also work a better job that appreciated her more than the previous job. She’s an artist, she wanted to be a graphic designer.

I sold my old car to pay for her courses. She started paying me back bit by bit only because she’s independent. She lived with her then boyfriend now husband and paid for other things. My wife didn’t try to mend things. She disowned Sarah the day she got married but I stood firm and told her that I’m free to talk to Sarah and she should respect that.

I attend gatherings with Sarah from time to time and she calls me dad infront of other people. In the past it was just my name. This sounds crazy but I believe this all happened just so I could meet Sarah and have a chance at being the best father that I could be.

She’s now 22 and just had a babygirl a few weeks ago. I visited several times and we talked. She told me that it was unfortunate that she lost her dad but was glad she has me in her life. I cried although I’m not good at expressing emotions and it got worse after Molly’s death.

My wife knew about the baby and demanded I give her the address so she could go see her granddaughter. I refused because Sarah asked me not to tell. And because she’s already dealing with postpartum and will not be able to deal with her mom’s behavior. My wife threw a fit and said that this is her daughter and grandbaby and I shouldn’t try to stop her from seeing her.

She called me selfish and cruel. The argument didn’t stop. The family are agreeing with her and telling me to stay out of it. I argued with my wife about it again. And she said I had no right and that I needed to give her the address. She didn’t even seem regretful or wanted to apologize. Everyone is blaming me telling I’m being cruel and demanding I give her the address.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Dszquphsbnt −  I refused because Sarah asked me not to tell. It begins and ends there. You are honoring Sarah’s wishes. You would be a huge a**hole to do otherwise. As it stands, you are the opposite of a huge a**hole. You are a wonderful father. Congratulations on the birth of your granddaughter. May she be a light in your life that reminds you of your Molly.. **NTA**

DoctorBurnsy −  NTA. In the kindest way I can muster, get a divorce.

MissMurderpants −  NTA. She is going to boundary stomp all over her daughter. Don’t let her. Please make sure she can’t follow you or track the daughter down. Personally, I’d rethink the marriage. And seriously. You let her kick out her underage daughter. That’s really awful. I’m glad you’re making it up to her now.

**Dont you dare ever tell anyone not approved by the daughter to know how to find her**.

blorpoo −  The only conceivable way you’re an a**hole is for not divorcing someone like this before now. And I want you to understand that that’s where this is headed. You’re going to have to choose whether you want your daughter in your life or her mother because you can’t have both.

0biterdicta −  Why are you still married to someone who can treat their own child that way? Get some therapy and a divorce.

no_comment12 −  lol, no. “The family are agreeing with her and telling me to stay out of it” cool, so that’s what you’ll do. Stay completely out of it and let mom and daughter handle it themselves. Mom can try to contact the daughter and get her address herself.. Just be “Maliciously Compliant”. NTA, but your wife kinda seems like one.

Consistent-Leopard71 −  NTA. Your wife is TA. I am very glad that you and Sarah have each other and now so does your new granddaughter.

RinoTheBouncer −  Per your wife’s logic, you are “selfish and cruel” for not violating Sarah’s trust and giving her the address against her wishes, but she’s somehow an angel and not selfish or cruel for kicking her minor daughter over anything and everything, AND disowning her?

Your wife is a gargantuan AH and she needs to come to terms with what she did and “learn her lesson” before she gets to make demands and call people names. NTA. I’m so sorry for your loss and bless you for being the dad and the mom that Sarah deserves.

T1s1phon3Aaronz −  DO NOT HAND OVER THAT ADDRESS.

Remember ever adage you’ve ever heard about actions having consequences? They ***all*** apply here. As you sow, so shall ye reap; make your bed and lie in it; one who steals has no right to complain of being robbed; what you give is what you get, etc.

Your wife has spent almost 20 years proving she couldn’t give a f\*\*\* about her daughter; the only reason she’s making an effort *now* is because ‘Sarah’ has something she wants. You, on the other hand, have the best interests of this woman and her family at heart. You want to protect her during a delicate time. You’ve proven who most deserves her address/visiting privileges, and it certainly isn’t her mother.. You’re not being cruel at all, OP.. You’re also NTA.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. You respected Sarah’s wishes, which is the 100% right thing to do. There’s a reason she’s NC with her mother. The rest of the flying monkeys can die mad about it.

Do you think he’s right to respect Sarah’s boundaries, or is his wife entitled to know where her daughter and grandchild are? How would you handle such a delicate family matter? Share your thoughts in the comments!