Me [33 M] with my wife [32 F] 11 years, I’m falling for my co-worker [32 F].

A 33-year-old man shared his inner turmoil about developing feelings for his 32-year-old coworker, “Talia,” despite being happily married with two children and a third on the way. While his marriage is strong and loving, the connection he feels with Talia, rooted in shared interests and engaging conversations, has sparked emotions he didn’t anticipate.

Feeling guilty and ashamed, he seeks advice on how to navigate this situation without jeopardizing his family or marriage.

‘ Me [33 M] with my wife [32 F] 11 years, I’m falling for my co-worker [32 F].’

I have a great life wonderful wife and 2 beautiful children(with one on the way). I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt my family or my wife and I feel ashamed even writing this post.
I have a co-worker who I’ll call (Talia) she’s very beautiful and nice. I’ve found myself………. fantasizing about her. I catch myself always trying to be around her and talk to her.

We talk and we’ve told each other about our lives and we have a lot in common. She watches the same shows listens to the same music and even read the same books. My home life is fine my wife and I still talk and are very much in love. But it feels nice to talk to Talia and just have a conversation about a common interest.

Everytime I’m with her I feel butterfly’s in my stomach and get excited. I feel as though I’m falling in love with her. I don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose my family.
**tl;dr**: I’m happily married but am falling for another woman.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

[Reddit User] −  oh wow ya’ll watch the same shows?! damn thats f**king crazy you must be destined to be together. holy s**t you and your wife share the same offspring but thats nothing compared to the SAME F**KING SHOWS! damn bro i cant believe that.. the same shows!!

[Reddit User] −  Don’t fuel the fire of l**t with either your thoughts or actions. If you find that you don’t have the self-discipline to control those thoughts/actions, then you need to find a way to limit your time with Talia. Refocus on your wife, do something nice, plan a nice date, write a love/thank you letter for all she does. Kindle that flame.

wombatzilla −  So, you “catch” yourself always trying to be around her and talk to her and then what do you do? You just go and do it, right?
You need to stop. You’re entertaining this crush and already emotionally cheating on your wife. Stop, distance yourself, only speak to Talia when you have to, and only speak to her about work.. Refocus on your marriage.

megamoze −  Do not confuse a crush with love. She’s hot and you’re around her often. Crushes happen. The trick is to remind yourself that you are married and have a family and that NOTHING is worth hurting them, certainly not a fleeting fantasy with a co-worker.

ender_less −  I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt my family or my wife and I feel ashamed even writing this post. Then stick to that plan and limit contact with your co-worker.
Crushes happen, and you can’t magically shut off s**ual attraction because you’re in a relationship. It’s what you do about those crushes that define your morals as a person.

Stop “catching yourself” around her constantly and limit contact to professional discourse. You’re playing with fire, and I don’t think your wife would appreciate you continuing/building affections with a co-worker. Or, I don’t think you would appreciate if the shoe was on the other foot, and your wife continually talked with a guy at work who gave her “butterflies”.

[Reddit User] −  OP, let me put it into words that describe your life if you let things go too far with Talia. Seeing your wife in more pain and grief and hurt than you’ve ever imagined.
Do you see your children every night, play, read them stories? Standard custody arrangement where I am is every other weekend.

That means you get to hold and kiss your children for four days a month. Are you conversations with Talia worth losing your children? Custody arrangements for nursing mothers also go something like this: two hours a week at the mother’s home, gradually increasing with the first overnight stay at about 18 months.

(That’s court-ordered overnights; obviously if things go well the parents might come to an arrangement sooner.) Do you think you will ever bond with your youngest child in two hours a week? They won’t see you as a parent, just a visitor for the longest time. Could your wife afford to run your home by herself? Will she have to sell when you move out?

Will your children cry at leaving behind their bedrooms, their yard, maybe even their schools and friends if she decides to move to a cheaper town? Where is your wife from? Would she move to be nearer family support, effectively removing her and the kids from your life? The other thing I want to talk about is pre-affair behaviour at home.

When we see something we want, we often subconsciously resent the people in our lives who stand in the way. This manifests in changed behaviour, setting them up against you in your head. They’re not the sources of your happiness, they are obstacles to your happiness. So have you noticed recently that you’re more irritable with your wife and the kids? Less attentive?

Grouchy if you’re needed at home and you’ve been texting or thinking of Talia? Have a talk with your wife. Has SHE noticed that you’re more grumpy and tetchy lately? Partners are perceptive, you know, and it’s very likely that she’ll say yes and without knowing, pinpoint it at the time your feelings for Talia began to strengthen.

Maybe she’s already talked to you about being angry or irritable or impatient, especially with the children? Has she asked you if you’ve been stressed at work? This is such a subtle change that the person changing doesn’t realise they’re doing it. But by setting your family up as obstacles to your happiness, it lets you tell yourself later “well,

I haven’t been happy for a long time/I want out/we fell out of love a long time ago” and move on with a clear conscience, when this unhappiness/falling out of love is a shock to your partner who has been giving you space for going through a hard time.

I frequent another forum mostly used by older married women. The Script they refer to is that when your husband of 10 years says to you “I love you but I’m not in love with you” it really means “there’s someone else who doesn’t have the drudgery of family life attached”. Don’t be that guy.

Fitzwilliger −  But it feels nice to talk to Talia and just have a conversation about a common interest. You can have conversations about a common interest with people you don’t want to f**k. You’re falling for her because you’re allowing yourself to fall for her. You’re putting yourself in this situation. Stop it.

PM_YOUR_DOOBZ −  It’s super common to develop crushes on other people besides your SO. What you have to realize is that what you are feeling is infatuation, not love. You do not know this woman. It’s completely fine to have a crush, and fantasize, in fact, it can be unhealthy to repress those feelings. Just do not act upon them. You have to distance yourself from her. The feelings will subside.

imreallyjustsayin −  Clearly you’re not “happily” married if you’re “falling” for another woman. STAY FAR AWAY FROM HER. Are you so dense you actually needed someone to tell you that???

wittythiswaycomes −  I actually talk to people about common interests every day. They’re called friends. Are you giving the whole story?