My [23F] boyfriend’s [24M] mother [50sF] attacked my twin sister because she thought she’s me & I’m cheating. Refuses to apologize.

A woman finds herself in a difficult situation after her boyfriend’s mother mistakes her identical twin sister for her and accuses her of cheating. The confrontation escalates to physical violence, and despite realizing her mistake, the mother refuses to apologize, justifying her actions. Now, the woman is questioning how to move forward and whether this incident is a dealbreaker for her relationship. Read her story below.

‘ My [23F] boyfriend’s [24M] mother [50sF] attacked my twin sister because she thought she’s me & I’m cheating. Refuses to apologize.’

I have an identical twin sister Jessi and we look very much alike. There are small differences but only those who know both of us can recognize them. BF and I have been together for a year. Things are good between us. Last night this happened: my boyfriend’s mom went out with her friends to watch a movie and Jessi was there as well with her boyfriend. After the movie one of her friends saw Jessi with her boyfriend. She asked her if that girl is her son’s boyfriend (I met this friend at a party a few weeks ago). So she looked at Jessi and thought yes, she is.

She went to her and asked what the f**k is going on. Jessi was confused since she hadn’t met her before, and she kept asking her what the f**k is this. At that point she was holding Jessi’s arm and she told her to let her go and called her a crazy b**ch. Eventually she told Jessi that she’s cheating on her son and called her by my name, and Jessi told her that that’s her twin sister. She slapped her across the face and told her to stop lying. Her friends then collected her and took her away.

She then called my boyfriend and told him that she’s found her girlfriend with another man. I was with my boyfriend at that time. He quickly got it that she must have seen Jessi so he told her and she hung up. She then left. I talked to Jessi, she didn’t even apologize to her. After she found out what she’s done, she just left.

So my boyfriend talked to her again and an apology is not coming. She feels like she did nothing wrong and she was justified in whatever she did since I hadn’t told her that I had a twin sister, so she’s justified in harassing her like that and slapping her across the face. She said that she expects an apology for being called a crazy b**ch.

I’m really pissed at her for what she did and the least she can do is apologize to Jessi. We were planning to visit my boyfriend’s parents this weekend but now I’m not sure that I want to go. I can’t just sit there and tell her how cute it was that she mistook me with my twin. I sure as hell don’t think Jessi should go and apologize to her. Should I let this go? Am I overreacting to consider this a deal breaker?

tl;dr: Boyfriend’s mother attacked and slapped my twin sister across the face because she thought she’s me and that I was cheating. Now she doesn’t apologize. I want to cut off contacts with her, am I overreacting?

See what others had to share with OP:

LilaLaLina −  She definitely owes both you and your sister apologies. She assumed the worst of you immediately and she attacked your sister. There’s no excuse for that. If she’s unwilling to apologize you are 100% justified to cut her off.

[Reddit User] −  Your sister should report the a**ault to the cops, she was assaulted which should not go unpunished. I would also stay away from any family gathering until she profusely apologises to your sister. She sounds a little unhinged, and your boyfriend should be completely siding with you on this matter, he should have no issue to you blanking his mother until she becomes an adult and fixes the problem she caused.

lottienina −  Something similar happened to me and my twin, except she was in a different country on vacation when she ran into my (now) ex boyfriends mom. His mom was shocked and upset at first, but she didn’t HIT my sister! That’s just straight up crazy and unnecessary, If she had done that I would have cut her out of my life.

If I was you I would really consider having someone in my life who’s first thought is to resort to violence against you when they perceive you to be doing something wrong, and also someone who can’t apologize when they are clearly in the wrong. It’s nuts that she expects an apology, if I was your sister I’d be pressing charges JUST because she has the nerve to expect an apology after slapping me. I don’t think you should just let this go- it just reinforces that her behavior has no consequences, which I suspect is what usually happens if her first thought was to slap your sister, then expect an apology.

zzeeaa −  She sounds like a horrible person. Jessi could press charges for a**ault, and I certainly wouldn’t blame her after she was hit, spoken to abusively, and received no apology. How has your boyfriend reacted to this?

jesteridiot −  Your sister should press charges for a**ault.

ImMostlyALurker −  You might want to head over to /r/JUSTNOMIL in order to take a glimpse at your future. Can you imagine her as a MIL? Or a grandmother to your child? No thank you.

LettuceJizz −  Wow. That is an awful story. The mother isn’t going to change. Maybe she’s so unbelievably embarrassed by her behaviour that she can’t even acknowledge it to herself yet (the preposterous defense that you & Jessi should apologise to her! that is rich!). Maybe she’ll come around to it, but I wouldn’t hold my breath. You’re not obliged to give her the space to do that either. Her actions were wildly outrageous; her ‘defense’ is ridiculous and *offensive*; she’s only going to dig in.

And then among the 3 of you, there will always be this outlandish damage done by her, for which she takes no responsibility, and which she’s gotten away with–in a way reinforcing that she can act with a**ault, g**lighting and accusation… with no personal consequences. There will be more crazy to come.

I’d stay away from her, no exceptions. If Jessi decides to file charges, I’d expect mom to blow. If Jessi doesn’t, I’d expect mom to still be crazy. We’re not required to have these people in our lives…. but obviously it will impact your relationship with your BF, likely be a strain as long as you’re together. The fact your boyfriend will be ‘in the middle’ for as long as he tries to appease her is true no matter what you & Jessi do. Let Jessi decide about filing charges.

Tell the BF there will be no contact or communication on your part. The crazy lady ceases to exist in your life; tell him to talk to someone else if he begins complaining about her (btw did he ever say he thought this was horrific?). See if your relationship can withstand that crack. Gird your loins for what’s to come. She’s not done justifying and defending her ludicrous behaviour.

Vinay92 −  Absolutely do not visit his parent’s house, lol. This is a turning point for your relationship. His mom massively fucked up. She needs to apologise to all three of you (starting with your sister). Face to face. If bf’s mom is unwilling to apologise, bf needs to insist that she does. And you need to insist that he insists. If he refuses, that’s the end of your relationship. There is no way you can have a relationship with her unless she apologises, and there is no way you can have a relationship with bf without having contact with his mom. Bf’s mom is lucky she’s not being charged with a**ault. That’s what I would have done.

istillheartyou −  In all honesty, I would be tempted to just end the relationship. I wouldn’t ever want anything to do with that woman again and it wouldn’t be fair for him to be stuck in the middle. So yes, I think you’re 110% justified to cut contact, just be prepared for how it will affect your relationship.

wanderingdev −  WTF! She absolutely owes your sister an apology and a thanks for not having her arrested for a**ault. The fact that she physically attacked someone, even if she thought it was justified, is scary as hell. Your boyfriend needs to reign in his mother and deal with this. If he’s not willing to do what needs to be done, I’d rethink the relationship.