Am I TA for allowing my BIL to be thrown out of my house on Christmas after he insulted my brother who has Down’s Syndrome?

A woman and her husband hosted Christmas, which turned into a joyful celebration when her brother with Down’s Syndrome proposed to his girlfriend. However, the joyous moment was marred when her brother-in-law made cruel and offensive comments about her brother and his fiancée. The husband promptly kicked him out, causing family tensions. Now, the mother-in-law is upset, claiming the family is being torn apart. Read the full story below…

‘ Am I TA for allowing my BIL to be thrown out of my house on Christmas after he insulted my brother who has Down’s Syndrome? ?’

My hubby (M40) and I, (F35) have been together 10 years, married for 5. We bought a fixer upper two years ago and finally completed upgrades and repairs just in time to host Christmas. Both sides of the family came. My parents, my brother Frank (M30) and his girlfriend now fiancee, Lila (F29) and my hubby’s parents and his brother, Todd (M32).

Since it’s relevant, I’ll mention that my brother, Frank, has Down’s Syndrome. He also graduated from HS AND college, ( he has his BA in Early Childhood Education) he also has his own apartment, and his own car. He works full time as a preschool teacher, and his job LOVES him.

I have freaking amazing parents, and when Frankie was born, their attitude was ‘You’ll do as much as you’re encouraged to do’ and we all invested heavily in helping Frank be all he can be. Which is a lot. I never felt left out or forgotten by my folks, BTW. They worked really hard to make sure we BOTH had a great childhood.

My hubby and Frank are total bros. Lol. Frank was his best man in our wedding, and after being friends with Frankie for a few years, he switched his job as a HS English teacher to a Special Education teacher. It required some extra schooling, but my dude loves his job so much now, and he’s so happy. So obviously, Frank is popular in the family.

At the party, I knew my hubby and Frank were up to something, because they were whispering a lot and grinning. Right before dessert, Frank stood up and talked about how this year has been the best of his life. He said he wished he could keep his life this way forever. My hubby pipes up with, “If you like it then you better put a ring on it!” and tossed Frank a ring box.

He got down on one knee and asked Lila to marry him. She, of course, said heck yes. It was so touching and honestly, everyone was crying and hugging and SO EXCITED. I noticed my BIL Todd wasn’t smiling and looked pretty irritated. Todd is single, probably because he enjoys Andrew Tate so much, and he and my hubby have never been close.

When we all stopped hugging and sat down, Todd muttered “Finally” under his breath. Everyone heard it though, because he absolutely meant us to. I asked if there was a problem. He said, and I quote, “I’m not that interested in celebrating two r**arded people pretending they can have a real life.” I almost caught a charge, because I about punched him.

Frank just laughed at him and asked, “Still single, huh?” which made everyone laugh. Todd stepped towards him and my hubby told him to sit down and shut up. He also told him he’s an embarrassment. Todd got mad, and told my hubby that the embarrassment was how he pretented that Frank and Lila are actually functioning adults.

At that, my hubby stood up, yanked Todd’s chair out, and told him to get the hell out of our house. He told him he didn’t want to see his face or hear his voice until he sincerely apologized to Frank and Lila. Todd started to refuse to leave, so I got my phone out and told him I was calling the cops to escort him out if he refused to leave on his own.

He’s been in Dutch with the cops a few times for drunk and disorderly’s and a**ault, so that got him to peel out quick. Hubby’s parents were clearly embarrassed by Todd’s behavior, and the left a few minutes later, after apologizing to Frank and Lila. We told them they were more than welcome to stay, but they left anyhow.

This morning I woke up to a bunch of texts from Todd, demanding I talk to my hubby and ‘fix this.’ I told him no, and blocked him. Then my MIL called and asked me to talk to hubby. I was kind about it, but I said no. I told her it’s between Hubby and Todd, and I respected my husbands feelings. She got upset and said that her family is getting torn apart and I’m allowing it.

I told her again I was sorry, but that Todd is totally responsible for this, and she needed to take it up with him. She hung up crying. I still don’t think hubby and I were wrong here at all. But I truly like my MIL and those tears definitely got to me. But I refuse to let my brother and best friend be abused in my home. AITA here?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Burn420Account69 −  Huh?. Your BIL is a d**k. Are you the AH for letting him get kicked out? No. He’s a d**k.. EDIT: I’ve heard the call.. TODD IS A D**K

ReputationAsleep8905 −  My MIL has called twice, begging me to interfere and force a discussion. Her tears break my heart, but Todd is just so s**tty, I’m honestly relieved that I might never have to deal with him again.

250MCM −  What does your BIL use for birth control? His personality. (Twist on a lawyer joke.)

lychigo −  Todd was not only a complete a**hole to Frank and Lila, but he ruined what was a beautiful moment for them. He’s a complete douchebag that deserved to be thrown out immediately. And anyone who supports him can get thrown out with them.

Ragaee −  “Still single huh”. Lol frank is a gem

katelindbergh −  NTA. Your BIL sure has his mom wrapped around his little finger, though. Embarrassing for her, I’m sure, but do not even fleetingly consider getting on team “coddle Todd.” Make no mistake: this is not just about your brother being insulted; it’s also about trying to trick you into participating in that insult through minimizing and “peacemaking.”

Curious to know whether Todd and their mom called your husband directly first, because if not, that’s a double black mark against his family (and may explain why your husband was so immediate in his willingness to call Todd out at the time – he might have been annoyed by this dynamic often over the years).

Ashamed-Welder8470 −  lol… as your description, Frank and Lila are more functioning adults than Todd(ler) can ever be.

bexkali −  So you like the aita style posts, *eh,* Todd? How does it feel to be ***the*** featured assh\*le in one today?

Xanax-n-Wine −  Your BIL is a j**k because your MIL enables it.. Nta.. Frank sounds hilarious

SurroundMiserable262 −  Woah. You know what do a do over meal. Beautiful picnic somewhere with everyone but your mil, fil and bil. Really celebrate the happy news. Find every food related wedding tradition you can and recreate them in the picnic.

Was the couple right to prioritize respect and boundaries over keeping the peace? Is it fair to draw hard lines when it comes to toxic behavior, even during family gatherings? Share your thoughts below!