UPDATE Am I the a**hole for cutting up and altering my wedding dress into a functional dress insetad of giving it to my sister who can’t afford it?

A Redditor provided an update about a family conflict involving her wedding dress. Initially, her sister was upset that she didn’t give her the dress, which the Redditor had intended for herself. After the Redditor tried to communicate and express her feelings, her sister blocked her and accused her of being selfish.

Eventually, the two had a heart-to-heart conversation where the sister admitted feelings of jealousy and inadequacy. The Redditor helped her sister find and customize a more affordable dress for her wedding. The Redditor’s wedding was canceled due to an outbreak, but her sister had a courthouse wedding and plans to celebrate later. Invite people to read the original story below.

‘ UPDATE Am I the a**hole for cutting up and altering my wedding dress into a functional dress insetad of giving it to my sister who can’t afford it?’

I posted approximately 5 months ago about my sister being mad at me for not giving her, what was supposed to be, my wedding dress. So after being assured that I did nothing wrong I decided to try to talk it out with my sister.

So I tried calling her but she had blocked my number. I was very Confused and talked to my mother. She was trying to still stay out of it and I got a little mad and said that it was not fair. That my sister was not right because she never formally asked me and how was I supposed to just guess that she wanted it.

She tried to justify her but in the end also accepted that my sister was wrong. Non the less she told me to just give her space and that she will just come to terms with it herself. I waited a few days till I met her in the supermarket. At first she tried to act like she didn’t see me but I planted myself infront of her. She was just rolling her eyes saying she had places to be.

And I just said “you know I hope you notice how unfair you are treating me” and then left her alone. That night I received a call where I was berated for being selfish for about 20 minutes by her. I asked her if she was done and asked her if we could talk it out like adults. She came over the next night and we had an exhausting fight.

Screaming crying and after all was said and done she actually apologized for everything. She was kind of jealous of my dress and of the wedding I almost had. And she was embarassed that she couldn’t afford everything I could and that she felt like she failed as an adult and as a mother. And honestly I get it.

Not because I think she is a failure, but because I get how it feels if your brain tells you you failed at life because you don’t have things that other people have. She apologized also because she was trying to blame me for her problems and that everything was easier if she wasn’t the one to blame.

We talked a lot more time till I told her that she didn’t need a fancy dress and that we could search something basic and I could help her to decorate it with something. She agreed and we actually did get to customize a very basic gown. As we didn’t have much time it’s not super fancy. Sadly due to the outbreak the wedding, that was supposed to happen this month, was  anceled.

They had a courthouse wedding where she wore one of my dresses and she is celebrating in August if it’s possible. That’s everything. So even if I was not an a**hole and my sister seemed like a b**t… She was dealing with some heavy feelings and I still love her. Thanks for the judgment and advice.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

tarthwell −  I remember the original post it’s always good to read a follow up where people work it out in the end. Thanks for updating us!

penkster −  I remember hte original as well. I love it when adults can get together and have a talk to face to face – there’s so much miscommunication and so much stuff bottled up, its great when you can just hash it out. You sound like you have a great relationship with your sister (I’m a little jealous!) and you guys are moving ahead.. Thanks for the good feels.

EndofMayMayitEnd −  Its been 5 months already? F**k… Glad you two resolved this. I hope she never pulls anything remotely close to this again you handled it very maturely.

cookie321211 −  I remember this story… Can I just say you sound like such an amazing sister, and human!

SourLadybits −  Can we see a picture of the dress?

[Reddit User] −  I remember when you posted this I thought it was so bizarre because it was just such an obviously unacceptable request. I’m so glad you managed to work through things and she sounds like she got some catharsis on the underlying issues as well. This will make your relationship stronger and any future problems can hopefully be worked out without all the drama!

[Reddit User] −  Good to hear. In light of how she actually felt, that underlying feeling of not being enough or doing enough that dress represented, that was not the dress she needed for the wedding or to look back on years later when she’s in a better space totally.

That dress is and would be still that representation of those feelings of not enough she had. I’m glad something of not just her own, but something that was also partly a labour of your love for your sister is what she realised is what she truely needed.

A lot of my friends parents wore this monstrosities of wedding dresses, skirt suits, had bad perms and weird make up for no reason. They look back and laugh about it saying it looks so dated and they would be mortified if a wedding was like that today. However you would be killed before you could part them with the physical dresses. Those dresses are something pure special, memories of love, happiness and most importantly; being enough.

Ana___a −  INFO: Did you ever post a pic of the altered dress? I think everyone who read the original post was 👀 lol.

WineAndDogs2020 −  Glad to hear you two were able to make up. Sister aside, I hope you are doing better with time passing.

PuddnheadAZ −  Great update! Thanks for that. Things are so rarely black and white. I’m glad you guys worked it out.

Do you think the Redditor handled the situation well by working through her sister’s feelings and ultimately helping her with a more affordable dress, or was her sister’s behavior unfair in the first place? How would you navigate a conflict like this with a family member? Share your thoughts below!