I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend.

A Reddit user (28M) shared his concerns about his girlfriend’s (24F) upcoming trip with a male friend she grew close to while supporting each other through breakups. Although the trip was planned before their relationship, details like sharing a “double room” and frequent texting with her friend have left him uneasy. He’s seeking advice on how to navigate his feelings without appearing controlling. Read his full story below for context.

‘ I 28M am feeling uneasy about my girlfriend’s 24F upcoming trip with her male friend.’

Hi everyone, Let me start by apologising for the huge wall of text. This has been weighing down my heart a lot and I guess I used it more as a tool for venting than anything… I (28M) am looking for some advice on how to approach a situation with my girlfriend (24F). We’ve been dating for a few months (officially close to a month now), and things have been going great so far. She’s sweet, transparent, and very practical, which I admire, but there’s something bothering me that I don’t know how to handle.

In February, she’s going on a trip to Country B with a male friend she met about four years ago when he was studying abroad in our country (Country A). He lives in Country C, and they became closer this past summer as they supported each other through their respective breakups. This trip has been planned and paid for since late August—long before we started dating—so I don’t know if this is something she would have planned otherwise or if she feels obligated because it’s already booked.

Here’s where I’m feeling uneasy: She recently told me they switched hotels for cost reasons (she works in the hotel business and doesn’t earn much yet, so saving money makes sense). However, she casually mentioned that the friend said, “bad news, it’s a double room.” She reassured me it’s fine because “double room” means separate beds, and she’d have no problem setting boundaries if needed. She added that her friend even suggested putting pillows in the middle or, worst-case, sleeping on the floor if necessary.

Here’s the thing: today, while booking a hotel myself, I realized there’s often a difference between “double room” (one queen-sized bed) and “twin room” (two single beds). Since she works in the hotel industry, I thought she might know this, but maybe the terminology varies by country? I even told her I wouldn’t mind paying the difference between sharing the room with him and her own room but she kindof ignored it. She’s very “independent” and doesn’t want my help, which I understand but it’s frustrating.

(Edit: I think I wasn’t very clear here. They were booked on hotel A, then about 2 days ago her friend said that he found somewhere cheaper and was going to cancel the other reservation. After he booked he noticed it was a double room and my GF said that it’s alright because double rooms have 2 beds etc etc. So it’s not that the twin room is cheaper, it was the *hotel* that was cheaper.)

I trust her, but I’m worried her friend might misinterpret their dynamic, especially since I don’t know if he’s aware we’re dating (or if he himself is currently seeing anyone). It’s possible he might see this trip—and sharing a room—as an opportunity to make a move, given their history of supporting each other. She’s told me she never had feelings for him, but that they were good friends while he was studying here for about a year (they both had relationships at that time), but I can’t help wondering about the context when they initially planned this trip… It feels wrong.

To add to my unease, he seems to text her constantly. She’s not very attached to her phone (which I appreciate), but when she is on it, I often notice she’s texting him. I don’t want to come across as jealous or controlling, especially since we have a trip planned together soon (before theirs) that I’m super excited about. But I don’t know whether to bring this up now or wait, and if I do, how to express my feelings without causing unnecessary tension.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you approach it? Any advice would be appreciated. The way I see it, if it were me, first thing would be to make it very clear I have a boyfriend and ask if he doesn’t mind if I invite him along. If the other guy isn’t a fan of me coming along then it’s kinda clear what his motives are… But, she has made no attempts to invite me to go with her (to be fair, I also never asked her to go because I feel like that’s too much?…).

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

JFC_ucantbeserious −  It’s not reasonable to expect to be invited along on the trip. You *just* started dating. If I had a trip planned with a friend and at the last minute they invited their brand new boyfriend along, I’d be pissed. It IS reasonable to have a longer discussion about the sleeping arrangements, and perhaps offer to help with the cost for a room with two beds.

But more important is the conversation. If you mean it that you don’t want to be controlling, then approach this as a matter of *wanting to learn* more about how your (brand new) girlfriend thinks about these things, how she maintains boundaries in friendships, whether you guys see eye to eye on what’s appropriate or crossing a line. Fwiw, I’m not a jealous person and have no issues with my husband having numerous close female friends. But even I would draw the line at him sharing a bed with another woman alone in a hotel room.

Danmilo22 −  Bro she works in hotels…. Of course she knows what a double room is… 2 adults sleeping in the same bed… in Italy…. What do you think will happen? Even if nothing happens, you will always wonder what IF anything happened at all, cuddle, kissing? Her sleeping next to another man, f**k that, I wouldn’t allow myself to go through that bro and neither should you. She should either get her own room, bring you or cancel the trip, also, the fact that she didn’t take the offer of getting her own room is VERY suspicious….

Own-Writing-3687 −  Always judge people by their actions not their excuses or promises.  A trustworthy partner avoids even the hint of inappropriate behavior.  Her attitude and arrangements are a fail as life partner material.  Do your future kids a favor  – do not reproduce with this person. . You two are not a good match. You deserve a trustworthy partner. She deserves someone like herself (self centered,  entitled,  disrespectful, with zero empathy for her partner).

My_sloth_life −  The thing that would get me here is that they switched hotels to a double room. A double room is a double bed, a twin is(as you say) where you have two single beds, if she works in the hotel industry she knows that perfectly well, it’s quite basic knowledge and lied to you about it.

The fact is you don’t know her well enough yet to trust her. Trust is earnt and that is done over time, you have only known each other a few months really. Neither of you should be expecting complete trust at this stage of things. You can’t tell her not to go or be annoyed about it, all you can do is decide if you are ok with the lying and if you want to cut your losses or move past it.

TrickleUp_ −  Most people would simply not be okay with their partner sleeping in a bed with a member of the opposite s**. It’s your choice how to feel.

starstar420 −  They gonna f**k bro.

DevotedRed −  She knows it was a room with one bed or she wouldn’t have told you he offered to put pillows in between them. Maybe she’s just trying to ‘reassure’ you by lying but I wouldn’t be happy with this either.

Proud_Cartoonist8950 −  How do you trust a girl you’ve been seeing for two months? Are you serious? Raise your antennas, this girl was f**king this guy before she met you, that’s why they got a room with a double bed. I wouldn’t feel so insecure, in fact I would have a certainty. She will go on vacation with her friend and f**k him. Start looking for another girl and leave, without many questions and explanations.

jasonsmith4738 −  You know the relationship best, but from an outside glance it seems like the relationship is just too new for you to express any bold opinions or judgements to her about the trip. You might just have to play it cool and trust your partner. Don’t bring it up and risk ruining the trip you two already have planned. But again, you know your dynamic with each other better than any of us.

oof_ope_yikes −  There are a lot of red flags here. The sleeping arrangement is highly suspect. The constant texting is highly suspect. This will only lead to issues down the road for your relationship if she goes.