I [28f] literally just found email after email from my fiancé [27m] to his ex girlfriend [20s/f] belittling me and making fun of me and worse. I am seriously shocked beyond belief.

A Reddit user shared a heartbreaking discovery about her fiancé, Dale, who has been exchanging explicit and emotional emails with his ex-girlfriend, mocking her and doubting their relationship. After five years together and planning their wedding, this betrayal has left her devastated, especially since it involves cruel comments about a physical scar from a traumatic accident.

Now, she’s torn between silently leaving or confronting him. To learn more about this emotional dilemma and how others have responded, read the full story below.

‘ I [28f] literally just found email after email from my fiancé [27m] to his ex girlfriend [20s/f] belittling me and making fun of me and worse. I am seriously shocked beyond belief.’

I [28F] just discovered emails between my fiancé [27M] and his ex [20s/F], and I’m absolutely shattered. We’ve been together for five years and were planning our wedding, but now I’ve uncovered something I never saw coming. My fiancé, “Dale,” has been emailing his ex, the woman he dated before me, and these emails have left me in complete shock.

It started when I used his laptop to access his contacts for our wedding invitations. I noticed an email at the top of his inbox with a strange subject line: “Re: Jen, how can I when…”—Jen being his ex from college. I debated whether to open it, telling myself he shouldn’t have anything to hide, and eventually I clicked. What I found has turned my world upside down.

In the emails, Dale confesses to still being in love with her. He says he thinks about her constantly, and if she lived closer, he would’ve already left me. They’ve been exchanging explicit messages too—she described masturbating while thinking about him going down on her, and he replied with similar fantasies.

He said things about me that were cruel beyond words, mocking me and our relationship. He told her I’m “too vanilla” and that the only way he can get off is by thinking about her. What hurt the most was reading him ridicule a scar across my chest, which I got from a car accident as a teenager.

That accident almost took my life and left me with a permanent reminder of what I survived. I’ve never been ashamed of it—it’s a part of my story—but to hear him mock something so personal, knowing what it represents, felt like a punch to the gut. He compared it to something from Edward Scissorhands and even joked about my slightly disfigured nipple. It’s cruel beyond measure.

The emails also revealed that he’s been doubting our relationship for a long time. In one, he admitted he doesn’t think he can marry me and constantly considers leaving. He said if Jen were nearby, he would’ve already made that choice.

I forgave Dale once before when I caught him downloading a dating app early in our relationship. He apologized, called it a casual mistake, and promised it wouldn’t happen again. Now, knowing he’s been secretly reconnecting with his ex in this way, I feel like a fool for ever trusting him.

He’s been carrying on this emotional (and likely physical) affair while making me feel inadequate in our relationship. For example, he said I’m “too vanilla” for not wanting to try certain things, yet when I did initiate them, he claimed he wasn’t interested. It’s all lies to paint me in a bad light.

Right now, I’m sitting here in shock. I haven’t texted or called him because I don’t even know what to say. My first instinct is to pack up and leave without an explanation, but I’m torn. Part of me wants to confront him, but I feel like doing so would give him the satisfaction of seeing how much he’s hurt me. I don’t want to cry or scream in front of him—I refuse to give him that power.

I’m struggling with how to handle this. Should I leave without a word, or should I confront him and let him know exactly why I’m done? I know I deserve better, but right now, I feel broken. I just needed to share this because it’s too fresh to tell anyone close to me. Any advice would help. How do I move forward from something like this?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

HiAiNiSi −  Thank god you found this now. What a massive bullet dodged. Print out the emails and forward a copy to yourself just in case he tries to slander you to mutual friends or play the victim. Pack all your s**t up. Tape a copy of the emails to his front door and leave. Leave a note, “Consider our relationship over. Do not contact me again.” Go to a friends house, cry.

Drink wine. Don’t answer his calls. You can worry about the rest later. There’s no point in confronting him. What he said and did was unforgivable. Don’t give him the satisfaction of an argument. You’ll get through this. Blessing in disguise. What a snake in the grass. Pathetic c**ard. Do not be there when he gets home or tell him to make different arrangements depending on the housing situation.

ilikeswisscheese −  Obviously I’m not going to stay. Despite what he said about me, I’m pretty great and I know this. Just wanted to say how great it was to read this part.

Spoonbills −  If you share a bank account, move your money immediately to a new account at a new bank. Change all your passwords. Take yourself off any shared bills. Ghost ghost ghost.
Then pawn the ring and go to Hawaii.

gnufleax −  So what are you going to do with your new found freedom? I recommend a vacation to somewhere super pretty. Girl, you’re too well written to be affected by trash.

DPPThrow45 −  I’d ghost. Somebody who is that not in to you and lied about it enough to get engaged doesn’t need anything else. Just enjoy your luck, that you can bask in dodging the sleazy bullet he turned out to be. You move on being an awesome you and remember he’s the one with the problem, not you.

rpnon1 −  Leave and don’t look back. You deserve better than this scumbag. The only reason to leave him a note is to tell him that it’s not worth trying to get in touch with you. If you have anything together (e.g., joint accounts, a rental agreement, mortgage, whatever), deal with it asap.

cedarbee −  OP, I am burning with rage for you. After all you’ve been through, never lose sight of the fact that you are important, and you deserve the best. You are one of a kind. There will never be another you. Life is too god damn short. Be brave, pack a bag of things (valuables, keepsakes, anything you can carry), get in your car and go to friends or family.

To clear your head if anything else. Surround yourself with love and support. I truly hope the community of Reddit will share my feelings on this and extend our love and support to you, too.

sugr_magnolia −  You already have the right attitude. You are pretty f**king great, and you know it. I’m sure it stings, but at least you know this NOW. Now GTFO. Don’t second guess yourself. Just go. Now. Good luck, OP! Stay strong, you know you are worth more than him.

metn0va −  In addition to the sage advice everyone else has given, I would also suggest changing all your own passwords and logins asap. Go to settings and log out of every computer/device you’re signed into. As easy as it was for you to go into his stuff, he may try to f**k with your life once he realises what’s happening.

Do you have friends or family you can lean on right now? Get as many people as you can to help you move all your stuff out while he’s not there so you can get it done quicker. Cover yourself legally regarding leases and joint accounts, but take care of yourself emotionally first. I’m sorry this happened.

[Reddit User] −  I’m so sorry, OP. What a spineless a**hole. So spineless that I have no doubt he would have gone through with the wedding, so thank god you found out before it happened. While cancelling a wedding sucks, it sure beats divorce. Pack and get out of there. Forward yourself a copy of the email just in case.

I know you say it’s too fresh, but at least go to your parents or best friend and just tell them that it’s over – that your fiancé horribly betrayed you but you’re not ready to talk about it yet. Send him a text telling him it’s over, and then block his number until(if) you need to figure out wedding cancelling details.

I’d be tempted to include a snarky line about how you’re sure his ex can help him out if he needs to go over the reasons why you’re through. Of course, that is just what I would do. Sort of – I probably would tell and scream, but I get why you don’t want to. You’re clearly a much better person than he could ever hope to be, and I’m so sorry he turned out to be such a j**kass.