AITA for telling my daughter [26F] that I [55M] will not walk down the aisle with her stepdad [50M].

A Reddit user shared a tense situation with his daughter leading up to her wedding. He’s upset that she wants both him and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle, despite initially promising that he would have that honor alone.

The OP feels it’s unfair, as he is her biological father, and he resents the close bond she developed with her stepdad over the years. After refusing to share this moment, he told his daughter he wouldn’t attend the wedding if her stepdad walked her down the aisle. Now, he’s wondering if he’s being petty or justified in his reaction. Invite people to read the original story below…

‘ AITA for telling my daughter [26F] that I [55M] will not walk down the aisle with her stepdad [50M].’

My wife and I divorced when my daughter was 6 years old, and my wife had custody of my daughter for the most part since I was too busy working 50 hours a week, she quickly moved on to be with another man 7 years younger than her.

I knew from many stories I’ve heard that my daughter would probably end up being closer to him than me, since not only was our time together very limited but he was a stay at home dad, which means they had plenty of time to bond together which makes me feel sick to this day.

This may sound immature but I made her promise to never ever call her stepdad(dad), that I was her only father and to not betray me. But I have no control over what she or they do in their home. Fast forward to now my prediction came through and she’s obviously closer to her step dad than me.

She has gotten engaged about a year ago and now that the wedding is approaching near(1 month or so) she’s now out of the blue told me that she wants both me and her stepdad to walk her down the aisle after promising me I would be the one to do it. Even though I know they’re very close, I don’t believe he has any right to walk my blood daugther down the aisle.

I am her only father, it isn’t fair that he got to be with my daugther more than me, her bio dad, and now he wants to take this moment from me too. I got a bit angry and told her I absolutely will not share an honor that is meant for me the actual father of the bride with some guy I barely know.

She told me he’s done a lot for her growing up and that I’m being petty over something that happened years ago. I told her I wasn’t going to argue about it and if she wants her stepdad to walk her she can, but I won’t be there to see it.

I was told by a friend of mine who uses this site quite often that many people have gone through something similar to this with their kids or parents, so I wanted to see other people’s perspective, on if it’s wrong for me to want to be the only one to walk my only daughter down the aisle.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

[Reddit User] −  YTA – It’s HER day and you’re already ruining s**t.

cpumaxhi −  YTA. My own dad did this selfish s**t to me and our relationship has never been the same. You made your daughter promise to be loyal to you? What kind of sick s**t is that to put on your child? Since becoming a parent myself, and a divorced one at that who has secondary custody, I love ANYONE who loves my child. How blessed your daughter would have been to have two amazing fathers by her side — but you’re too f**king wrapped in your own g**damn ego for her to have that.

rishcast −  YTA, and you’ve clearly been one all her life.

* You made a 6 year old child promise something that you’ve been manipulating her with and “reminding” her about through her life

* You’ve clearly been bitter about your ex daring to move on and get remarried, because you “knew” they would be closer since they spent more time together. That isn’t the case – you can be close to a person without spending every waking moment with them. Where it becomes difficult is when they are bitter and insist of bad-mouthing the other people in your life – children are smart. She knew exactly what you were doing, and as she grew older and realised just how bitter you were, her emotions understandably caught up to your manipulation.

* You’re making the one day in her life that is undoubtedly about her, about you. You’re forcing her to choose, so I hope you aren’t surprised when she chooses the person who brought her up with love, instead of bitterness.

Having both “fathers” walking a bride down the aisle can be the most heartwarming moment ever: https://www.today.com/parents/dad-surprises-stepdad-daughters-wedding-both-walking bride-down-aisle-t46981

But based on the person you’ve been since you and your ex split? I hope your daughter not only chooses the man that raised her well, but also chooses to given him the title he deserves far more than you – that of dad. Biology doesn’t a father make, and your post proves that beyond a doubt. YTA.

[Reddit User] −  Am I the only one who is seething in anger because of this guy? The audacity that he even asked this question. I feel so bad for his daughter for having such a s**tty, petty excuse for a father.

lost-cannuck −  YTA – stop being so petty. Your daughter was fortunate enough to have a step father that was active in her life. He is an addition not a replacement. She wants to acknowledge BOTH of you. If you want to stomp your feet and have a temper tantrum you will more than likely be given a seat to watch her walk down the aisle with him. If you want to be a part of her life, your actions should reflect that. Grow up.

Ormskirk360 −  YTA. The only person to blame for you not spending more time with your daughter is YOU. You chose work over your daughter. It’s not surprising she has grown to love someone that has pretty much helped to raise her and has been there for her, and it’s unfair of you to expect to be HER number 1, when you didn’t make her YOUR number 1.

She wants you at her wedding. It’s HER day. Nothing to do with you. She wants BOTH her fathers there to walk her down the aisle. S**k it up, show your daughter that what she wants means more for that one day than what you want, and be happy for her. If you don’t go, I imagine it will possibly put a wedge in your relationship that may not be able to be fixed.

livelotus −  YTA. It really takes a village to raise a child and this man treated your daughter as his own and helped foster a healthy home environment for her. Holy familial alienation on your behalf. You’re literally choosing yourself over your child being healthy and happy. What you went through sucks, but this is her day and you’re kind of ruining it.

She shouldn’t have to stress about appeasing your jealousy on her wedding day. The fact that she wants to give everyone who was there in supporting her growth a place in her wedding really says that she’s grown to be a wonderful woman.

Choose to see that. Choose to be grateful that she has a family filled with people who have supported her development. I had 0 dads because every man who ever walked into my life either left me or harmed me or both. I would have given so much to have multiple sources of love in my life.

[Reddit User] −  YTA at the end of the day it’s her choice. Be happy that she hasn’t chosen him over you. Family is who is there for you, not blood. Man up, shoulder your pride and do it for her because this other dude obviously means a lot to her and digging in your heels will drive a wedge in your relationship.

BaggiraBaggy −  YTA. Walking your daughter down the aisle is a **privilege** not a **right**

griffinwalsh −  YTA. Your not her only farther. This is her day. Get over yourself.

How would you handle this situation? Do you think the father is justified in wanting to walk his daughter down the aisle alone, or should he share the honor with her stepdad? Share your thoughts below!