Husband M54 wants to keep our children’s (F7-18 )Christmas money that grandparents have given. What are your thoughts?

A Reddit user shared their frustrations about their husband wanting to keep Christmas money gifted to their children by their grandparents. Despite the family’s financial stability, the husband suggested using the money to offset what they’ve spent on the kids, which the user felt was morally wrong.

The situation escalated as it brought back memories of past controlling behavior, leaving the user questioning their relationship dynamics. To find out more about the user’s perspective and how others are reacting, read the full story below.

‘ Husband M54 wants to keep our children’s (F7-18 )Christmas money that grandparents have given. What are your thoughts?’

 My husband’s parents have given our three children £50 each for Christmas. The children don’t know about it yet and the money is currently in my husband’s bank account. My husband suggested today that we keep the money to offset what we have spent on them. I think this is morally wrong and stealing.

We have plenty of money ourselves and genuinely don’t need the extra cash. We have no debts. He did this about 8 years ago when my eldest daughter received a lump sum for her 16th birthday. He wanted to keep the large amount of cash in order to pay for an upcoming school trip but I refused and it took many months for me to get the money transferred to her account.

He is a wealthy man so I don’t understand his view.. Thoughts please. I HAVE read all your posts. Before reading them, I asked him to transfer the money to my account and he did it straight away. The money is now in my children’s accounts. To answer those mentioning the discrepancy in age from my previous posts – I didn’t realise people could read previous posts.

Yes I have given different ages for my husband, myself and children – I was worried someone might recognise me. I’m an i**ot for not thinking this through. The absolute truth is I’m 50, he’s 53, my kids are age 13,18 & 23. The 18 year old has special needs. I don’t work – I earned more than him before we married 30 years ago. He persuaded me to stay at home.

I’ve gone from a confident ambitious woman to an invisible being, at home all day with no existence and no future. I rely on him entirely. He has just retired early at 53. He is obsessed with money but I get confused about things like what I’ve mentioned in the post below as he is extremely generous in other ways – like giving our 23 year old £110 K towards a house.

He isn’t a gambler. But I feel he has been abusive in the past (as per my previous posts). I’m sat here now thinking I HAVE to divorce him but I’m terrified. I’m very lonely. No family around. I have one friend who I confided in last month but she has been avoiding talking about it ever since. I feel like I’m a fraud.

People online say ‘leave him’ but I just need someone in real life to tell me to do it. But he has alienated me from people and I feel alone. I have lied about our ages so people on here think I’m lying. I need support. I called a domestic abuse support line, in fact two separate ones. But inside I feel ‘it can’t really be that bad can it????’ I’m so sad and lonely. I feel pathetic.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

TheGreatAssby −  Yeah this is how your children don’t trust you later in life. If somebody gives another person money to give to you, they aren’t entitled to that money just because they’re the middle man. Why does your husband feel the need to offset the money in the first place? Does he have a gambling addiction or something?

GenoFlower −  This is theft, and your husband is awful. Your children will think their grandparents didn’t get them anything for Christmas, all so your cheap, wealthy husband can pocket £150? Next year, tell his parents to send the money to you because their son is the grinch.

WildlyUninteresting −  You already know how shady and low that is. Someone that would steal from his own children is really pathetic. That money is big to kids and nothing to him. It’s bizarre you can even respect him.

Had this been a, let’s put it in an account, investment or aside for them just to not instantly spend it. It may be a different discussion. Even then, it’s not big money and probably not. But this is his pure self interest at the expense of his kids.

SeaSwitch −  My parents did this every year. Grandparents gave us money for every birthday and holiday, was told it was going in our college funds. Surprise, surprise the time comes and I have no college fund. Unless you’re actually saving it and they know you are, you are stealing.

Not just from your children but the grandparents. Your husband is gross for doing so, and if he keeps it let the grandparents know he stole it. He’ll freak out for being embarrassed, but if he is ashamed then he did something worth that consequence.

sanguinare12 −  He is a wealthy man so I don’t understand his view. There’s a stereotype when it comes to the wealthy, but it often plays true. Your husband has zero shame stealing even from his own children, only needing an appropriate justification to make it right and okay. *To offset what was spent on them.* See how easy that was?

You don’t understand his view because you have other priorities in your life before money, family ranking right up there. One expects he views family somewhat differently to you – as an obligation, a burden. He doesn’t seem to love the children, certainly, or he would actually think twice about stealing from them.

mycatiscalledFrodo −  Tell husbands parents to stop transferring the money into his account because he steals it from them. Get them bank accounts and get grandparents to put money directly into those. Tell your husband he’s stealing his children’s money, it’s disgusting and dishonest and msjes you respect him less. Seriously what a horrible father

randomdemo −  Wtf greedy git. Either spend it on gifts from them or put it in a bank account for them later.  Actually, make sure they’ve got childrens saving accounts that money can’t be withdrawn from until they’re of age. And that people pay directly to them in the future so he can’t even get close to it.

Fuller1017 −  Tell the grandparents about this is what I would do.

worldburnwatcher −  Do you not have access to the household joint bank account? It sounds like your husband’s financial abuse extends to you as well.

wpgjudi −  He is a tightwad and thinks his kids ‘owe’ him something. So he sees the money others give THEM as his because he feels owed for raising them and spending money on them. He ignores that he, as a parent, made the choice to have kids and they owe him nothing for their existence. He is stealing from them to satisfy his belief he is owed something for having children and having to pay for them.