UPDATE: AITA for deactivating my niece’s social media when she refused to do an internet safety course?

A Redditor who adopted her 13-year-old niece shared an update about enforcing internet safety rules. After her niece faked attending a required internet safety course, the aunt deactivated the child’s social media accounts. Following backlash from her mother, the aunt decided to have a serious discussion with her niece, showing her how much personal information was already online. The conversation led to a new agreement with stricter social media rules, ensuring the niece understands online risks. Invite people to read the original story below…

‘ UPDATE: AITA for deactivating my niece’s social media when she refused to do an internet safety course?’

Short version is I let my 13 year old niece, who I adopted, have social media. She went against my conditions for having it, so I asked her to take an internet safety course, which she faked attending. When I realised she faked it I had her delete all of her social media. She told my mother, who called me a controlling and unreasonable arsehole, saying my niece knew what she was doing.

It’s been a few days. I read through every comment on my original post, and saw all your feedback, particularly the parts about my niece being unlikely to trust me after this. I sat my niece down one final time. I talked to her again about all the information she wanted to add, trying to explain again why it was a bad idea to put her full name, her date of birth, location, and whatever else online. She still didn’t believe that it could be dangerous.

So I asked her what information she wanted to put exactly. She told me. I googled it. The entire first page of results was all about her, or my sister (her mother), or me. It showed her school website, as she’s been mentioned in the newsletter. Her full name also brought up her personal phone number, and a website for details of the adoption.

I then showed her what was linked with my name, despite my very careful social media presence. The results included a background check website that listed all my former names, my number, my address (where we currently live), and more behind a paywall.

She now completely understands what I was trying to tell her. We worked out a new deal. She’s allowed social media, but instead of all the information she wanted to add she’s only allowed her star sign and that she’s a minor. She can give a location but it has to be our county, not our town.

Her profile will be on private and she can only link up with people she knows IRL. I will follow her from a fake account, so her friends don’t see her aunt on her friend lists. These restrictions will lessen in due time. If she does anything to s**ew it up, it all gets deactivated again, and we won’t even revisit the topic of social media until she’s 15.

As for my mother, I called her and told her to back off. I said that I have custody of my niece, so I make the decisions, and mum doesn’t get to make that harder for me. That if she really thought my niece putting her full name, date of birth, location, etc, online was safe, she’s an i**ot, and it pisses me off that the only times I hear from her,

it’s so she can tell me that I’m doing something wrong, when she herself was given the chance to adopt my niece and refused. Mum essentially said that she can’t believe I’d treat her like this and I shouldn’t expect to hear from her for a while.

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

JEFFinSoCal −  Mum essentially said that she can’t believe I’d treat her like this and I shouldn’t expect to hear from her for a while.. Honestly, sounds like a bonus. Kudos to you on how you are handling it. Taking over responsibility for a teenager must be extra challenging. I applaud your desire to seek outside advice and being able to glean the good parts of it from the bad. lol

OrdinaryOrder8 −  Glad you figured something out with your niece. What she was doing was very unsafe, so I hope she continues to follow your new agreement. I’m glad she has someone like you looking out for her.

Sharp_Building_1752 −  A+ parenting! Happy to see this update

TryUsingScience −  FYI if it’s the background check website I think it is, you can opt out of having your information on it. It’s a really simple process, it’s just not obvious from the website that it’s there. Search the website’s name and “opt out” and you should be able to find instructions.

QuixoticLogophile −  This is a heartwarming update. You were able to take a conflict and use it to teach your niece invaluable life skills and develop good judgement. Now she will take her own safety seriously instead of just doing things because she’s forced to by adults. Good job!

Anonymotron42 −  Mum: “You shouldn’t expect to hear from me for a while.” OP: “Don’t threaten me with a good time!” Keep your head down, OP. You’re doing a great job parenting your niece and anyone who says otherwise can splash all of their own information all over the internet if they want.

runedued −  So happy to see this update. Know that at least one person here is happy to see you work this issue out. One day your niece will thank you for all that you do.

AttemptedAdult −  You’re teaching her which is even more important than restricting. Bravo!

[Reddit User] −  NTA you can never be too careful online. There’s some dangerous people out there these days. Any shred of information in the wrong hands could lead a bad person right to your door. As a teen I would resent all the control your putting on her online life but now as an adult I know how essential it is.

arseholierthanthou −  Her star sign?! Are you sure you want strangers on the internet knowing that her day may be filled with conflict when her legs carry her one way while her heart tugs her another? Or that she’s apt to move in and out of sync with people today?

Do you think the aunt handled this situation fairly by balancing safety and trust? How would you approach setting online boundaries for a teenager in today’s digital age? Share your thoughts below!