I (25F) made my (25M) boyfriend cry and I feel like my heart is breaking from the guilt.

A 25-year-old woman shares an emotional experience with her boyfriend after an innocent joke went wrong. While watching Avatar: The Last Airbender, she compared him to the character Sokka and commented on his critical tendencies, which they usually joke about.

However, her boyfriend unexpectedly started crying, revealing that being perceived as overly critical is a sore spot for him, as others have said similar things. Although he reassured her that she didn’t do anything wrong, she feels overwhelmed with guilt and fears it might affect their relationship.

‘ I (25F) made my (25M) boyfriend cry and I feel like my heart is breaking from the guilt. ‘

I (25F) and my boyfriend (25M) were watching Avatar The Last Airbender when I made a comment that he was like Sokka. He replied, “how? I’m not a baffling i**ot” and I said, “no, but you are cynical and a hater” and he replied, “I don’t understand why people say that, I famously like many things” and I said, “yes, *you* like many things,

but sometimes you can be too critical of/hate on things that other people like”. Him being a hater is something we joke around about, so I didn’t think it was new information. I glanced at him again and all of a sudden he started tearing up and then he just started crying. This is the first time I have ever seen him cry. Something in me broke and it still feels broken.

I feel so horrible. I was trying to hold it together but I ended up crying too because it made me so sad to see him so sad. We talked about it a bit, and he said that it’s a sore spot because so many people in his life say that, and it makes him feel bad because he doesn’t want to be someone that is unpleasant to be around.

He keeps reassuring me up and down that I didn’t do anything wrong and that I’m being too hard on myself, but I feel like I crushed him. I’m so scared he’s going to think I don’t see him for all the other wonderful things he is and that I’m just like everyone else and break up with me. I’m so sad.. •

See what others had to share with OP:

saveable −  I think your reaction to accidentally hurting him like that shows how much you care about him. And his reaction to your original comment shows how much he loves you and respects your views. I see nothing but love here. And I predict a long and happy future, even if there may be a few tears along the way.

Glittering-Ad-655 −  I’ve been in his shoes. Many people in my life used to call me a pessimist when I’d started college. My friends, mom, and girlfriend at the time. My friends used to joke all the time that I would intentionally seek out things to be upset about. Honestly I would.

It came to a breaking point when my girlfriend at the time told me in bed that I “Seek out conflict” and “create problems from nothing.” Years of being told I’m a negative person hit me at once and the floodgates opened, and I sobbed to her that I wanted to be better.

I couldn’t handle her and my friend’s lasting impression of me being that of an unpleasant person. Cut to two years later, after a year of therapy and an anxiety diagnosis I haven’t been told that in ages by anyone 🙂

WakeoftheStorm −  Former hater here, and I’ll say I get where your boyfriend is coming from. Good news for him, seems he’s recognizing it a bit earlier than I did. I was into my 30s before I took a hard look at myself and realized I didn’t like the energy I was putting out into the world. Your boyfriend just has to work hard at changing the way he engages with others.

I literally forced myself to say two positive things about anything I caught myself ripping on. It actively changed the way I think from seeing the weaknesses in things that I could attack to finding the positives in everything, even things I really don’t like. I started trying to think to myself “what would Fred Rogers, or Bob Ross, or Steve Irwin say in this situation?”

I admired those guys because they always seemed to see the good in the things around them. They radiated positivity into the world and that’s who I wanted to be more like. Now I am still a LOOOONG way away from that, and I’ll likely never quite get there, but I’m better than I was. Hopefully your boyfriend will find his way too.

qu33rios −  well…now that you know he is genuinely sensitive about it you can avoid joking about it and instead see if he would like support to change. because it does sound like an incredibly annoying and unpleasant trait and if he recognizes it probably bothers a lot of people he should take it seriously that it’s something to work on.

i would never stay in a relationship with someone that thought it was funny to randomly dig on and insult the stuff their friends like so often that multiple people feel the need to comment on it. that sounds so obnoxious.

also what do you mean by this last part? you’re so scared he will think you’re “just like everyone else” and break up with you? can you elaborate on that? has he said stuff before like you’re just like everyone else during arguments or something?

Sea-Young-231 −  I think it’s kinda sweet that you guys obviously care about each other as evident by your reactions… but “being a hater” is such an annoying and exhausting personality trait and honestly good for you for seriously calling him on it. Like going out of your way to hate on and ridicule things that other people like and enjoy is kind of a terrible habit and I’m glad to see he seemed to take that criticism to heart.

ginger_newt −  I mean, I’m sorry he’s upset, and I’m sorry you’re upset, but maybe he needed to be called out on this, and not just in a joking way. It sounds like he’s self-aware at least and (hopefully) willing to work on it. I really don’t think you said or did anything wrong.

People who can’t let other people just… enjoy things (as long as those things aren’t hurting anyone) get very tiresome. We all have enough to be stressed out about; let people find joy in the little things even if they aren’t your cup of tea.

Grandemestizo −  That was an important relationship moment. I recommend you not call him a hater anymore.

Kerrypurple −  Sometimes we need to be called out by the people closest to us so we can change certain things about ourselves. You have empathy for him and that’s a good thing but don’t let it keep you from being honest with him. It sounds like he needs your honesty.

MielikkisChosen −  The saddest part of this is that neither of you understand Sokka.

InsecureGirlJKImDope −  Omg keep him. I get that so well… being cynical and “strong minded” against something popular but actually hating that about yourself.. it’s probably rooted in a deep frustration or sadness/depression… it’s rarely really about those things..