AITA for getting alimony ended when my ex moved in with her boyfriend?

A father (41M) takes steps to gain full custody of his 12-year-old son after the boy expresses discomfort with his living situation at his mother’s house. Simultaneously, he discovers that his ex-wife (37F) living with her boyfriend allows him to terminate alimony payments, which he does. While his ex-wife is struggling financially, he believes the extra money can benefit his son directly. Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for getting alimony ended when my ex moved in with her boyfriend?’

Hello, I (41M) have a twelve year old son with my ex wife (37F). We divorced 5 years ago. I pay child support and (formerly) alimony. Shortly after our divorce, she took in her sister’s son, who is currently ten. They live in our old home, which has three bedrooms. Almost two years ago, my ex started dating a guy and is now 4ish months pregnant.

He moved in about the same time she found out she was pregnant. He has a daughter from a previous relationship. His daughter was given her own room and my son and his cousin now share a room. My son is upset about this and asked to live with me full time. I went to my lawyer and began that process to get full custody.

I have wanted full custody since we divorced, but my son had never indicated he wanted that so I did not push for it. I also found out from my lawyer that my ex living with her boyfriend gives me the right to terminate alimony in our state (my previous lawyer said it was only if she got remarried). So, I told him to go for it.

The court has ended the alimony. The custody is taking longer and won’t be decided until after the holidays. My ex is pissed about the loss of alimony it because she is only working part time and her boyfriend is a medically retired fireman. So, they are struggling financially. But, I feel that is extra money I could put away for my kid down the line.. AITA?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

Independent-Floor485 −  Not at all. Take care of your child. You are not responsible for her lifestyle

ClintEastwoodsNext −  NTA. I hope your son ends up in the best possible living situation.

DisneyBuckeye −  NTA. There is a big difference between child support and alimony (spousal support). The alimony is to help keep your spouse in the lifestyle they were used to, but is typically not forever. Now that she’s with a new guy, it shouldn’t be your responsibility to pay for her lifestyle any longer. It’s not your problem that he doesn’t/can’t work. Best wishes for success in the custody changes!

chez2202 −  NTA. This woman got your marital home, alimony and child support. Then she took in her nephew. Then she took in her boyfriend and his child and made YOUR SON, the only child you should have been paying for, share a bedroom. On what planet is it reasonable for her to expect you to pay for her, her nephew, her boyfriend, his child and their upcoming baby?

She has had a good run. You have paid for her and her nephew for 5 years. You paid for her boyfriend and his kid for 4 months that you know of. Being medically retired from the fire service means that he has a good pension. It also means that he can’t work for the fire service anymore, it doesn’t mean that he can’t work elsewhere.

throwitaway3857 −  NTA. She can work full time. They abused you for far too long with alimony. They shouldn’t have gotten pregnant if they’re struggling financially.

lovebeinganasshole −  So you’re supposed to support an entire family not related to you? No NTA. She’s an a**hole for even thinking about being mad.

RockerStubbs −  Sounds like your alimony was paying for a whole house full of people! Get custody of your son if you both want it. Then you don’t have to pay child support either, highly likely that money is NOT going to just your son. NTA

BAHGate −  NTA and absolutely file for child support once you have custody.

twinpeaks2112 −  Nope. F**k em.

No_Glove_1575 −  NTA. She is in a 2 parent household now. Time to put her easy money to an end (especially when you get custody). You are NOT responsible for financing her BFs kids and them shacking up. Or your former nephew. Let her and her man pay their own bills – your son being taken care of is your only concern.

Was he justified in ending alimony to focus on his son’s future, or should he have considered the financial strain on his ex-wife’s household? Share your thoughts below!