My (M28) girlfriend (F27) took part of my christmas present. How do i confront her?

A 28-year-old man is questioning his relationship after a suspicious incident during Christmas. He received a €50 note as a gift from his girlfriend’s grandmother, but when he checked the envelope later, the €50 was missing, replaced by a €10 note. His girlfriend has previously shown signs of jealousy when it comes to gifts from her family, and now he’s wondering if her feelings may have influenced her actions.

Although he doesn’t want to accuse her without concrete evidence, he’s unsure whether to confront her or let the situation go.

‘ My (M28) girlfriend (F27) took part of my christmas present. How do i confront her?’

I’m a 28-year-old guy, and my girlfriend is 27. We’ve been together for a while, and things have generally been going well, but something happened during Christmas that has me questioning things. Yesterday, on Christmas Eve, my girlfriend’s grandmother gave both of us envelopes with money as a gift. It was a nice gesture, and we both thanked her.

I didn’t open my envelope immediately. I saw that it had a €50 note inside, or at least I thought I did, and decided to set it aside with the other presents to open later. I didn’t give it too much thought at the time. However, when I went to retrieve my envelope today, I noticed that my girlfriend had already taken her envelope.

When I checked mine, I was shocked to see that it appeared to have been opened. More concerning than that was the fact that the €50 note I thought I saw was now missing, and there was only a €10 note inside. At first, I started to wonder if I had imagined seeing the €50 note. Maybe I was mistaken, and I just misremembered the amount.

But then I thought about it more, and I can’t help but wonder if something more deliberate happened here. The reason this is weighing on me is that my girlfriend has shown signs of being jealous when her family gives me gifts during Christmas, especially if they are something she didn’t receive or if it seems like I’m getting special attention.

I’ve noticed her acting a little off when these situations arise, and I’ve been brushing it off, but now this situation is making me question if her feelings of jealousy are causing her to act in ways that I didn’t expect. I feel really uncomfortable and hurt, especially because we’ve been together for a while and I’ve always trusted her.

But now, with this situation, I’m not sure how to approach it. I don’t want to accuse her outright without knowing for sure what happened, but I also don’t want to ignore the fact that something seems off. I’ve been thinking about how to confront her about it, but I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding overly accusatory.

I don’t want to create tension in the relationship, but I also feel like this is something I need to address. Should I approach it calmly and just ask her about it, or should I let it go and try to forget about it? Has anyone else dealt with something like this? I’m just really unsure of how to move forward.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

swigbar −  Loudly thank grandma for $10

Grandma_Kaos −  I come from humble beginnings, but you know what? I’ve never stolen Christmas money from my boyfriend and I am very money driven! You need to have serious talk with her, but first, ask your grandmother how much she gave you.

mrsstiles376 −  She is literally stealing from you.

beginagain4me −  40 is a small price to pay to discover your partner can’t be trusted. If they will steal your gift, think you are too stupid to notice it’s time to get rid of that partner.

Unsuccessful-fly −  Dude, your GF is a thief. Do you really want to be with someone like this the rest of your life? What happens if you have kids- is she going to steal from them too??

ThrowRA_Comparisons −  Sounds awkward, but start by asking calmly if the envelopes got mixed up. Lead with curiosity rather than accusations, it can prevent defensiveness and give you a clearer picture. If this keeps happening, maybe it’s time to set firmer boundaries around finances or talk it through with a counselor.

ConfusedAt63 −  Once my daughter stole some money from my purse. I had just gotten a note that had been written on in red ink the day before as some change back from a purchase. When I noticed the note was gone when I went to buy my lunch I asked my daughter to empty her pockets and lo and behold the note with the red writing was in her pockets.

Punishment was swift. Maybe you could do something like this and see if she is indeed stealing from you. But the bigger question in my mind is do you really want to be in a relationship where your partner is jealous of gifts you receive . . from her own family, and possibly stealing from you? Can you trust someone that you are suspicious of?

painted_unicorn −  If understanding her behavior is you putting up with her outright stealing from you and using shared savings for her own selfish purposes, bonus that she gets this jealous of her family’s love for you, I’m sorry, you are being a bit of a doormat. You deserve to stick up for yourself.

You don’t have to be hostile when you do it but you really do need to confront her before this gets worse. There’s no real way to do this that won’t possibly lead to her becoming defensive, so you have to be the calm one and plan what you want to say and stick to saying it.

Maybe go with worry – worry that she keep making impulsive decisions and could hurt you both financially, worry that she could have a problem, frankly you could tell her outright that she’s hurting you. If she’s a good partner she shouldn’t be okay with doing that to you. Importantly you personally really need to rethink how things are being handled financially between you two. Maybe it’s time to separate your savings.

Fuzzy-Heart-3901 −  Did you say your ex??

Reverend_Vader −  Let me give you a Christmas Tip. People that do what your partner has, will be the people that demand 1/2 your stuff after you pay for all of it. They are the ones overdrawn or never saving. That may not sound logical but you never got married to someone that pilfered cash in exactly the same way at the start.

I did the same and worked out her behaviour (same upbringing broke af, s**t parents etc.) when i should have been looking at something else entirely. Somewhere before any of this happened and before any dipping into your shared account.

Was a conscious choice and that choice was “I have no problem not only helping myself to money my partner has to cover or miss, i’m going to hide it and lie about it as well” You found out for free here, granny’s cash was a windafall, it doesn’t really matter if you have it or not, its probably is part of you looking for reasons to excuse it.

I know i did when any money coming in for both of us via gifts was something raided like a box of Christmas chocolates. If you don’t do anything else, you must separate your accounts and start shielding yourself from her choosing to dip her hand in the till.

There are no losses to this, your finances are protected somewhat and if she is incapable of managing money (which is the real reason this happens), she will flip out and you will have confirmation that her childhood wired her up to see thieving and helping herself as perfectly reasonable actions to take.

Do you think you want to be married (and legally responsible) for someone like this? I’ve a very good idea how your gf will turn out (being fine stealing from your “loved ones” is hard-wired in my experience), so i’d be out like a flash here dude.