I’m 33M been dating my 30F girlfriend for over a year we’ve only been together officially for 2-3 months. I’ve never seen her place or car. Why won’t she invite me over?

A Reddit user (33M) shares his confusion and concerns about his girlfriend (30F) who has kept him at arm’s length for over a year. Despite their strong connection, she has not allowed him into her personal space, including her home or car, citing a promise to herself about only letting a man into her life once they are committed to marriage.

Additionally, she hasn’t introduced him to her family or friends, and there are ongoing issues with her insecurity about his attraction to her. He seeks advice on whether this level of insecurity is something that can be worked through, or if he should be concerned about the lack of intimacy and connection in their relationship. Read the full story below to explore more about his situation.

‘ I’m 33M been dating my 30F girlfriend for over a year we’ve only been together officially for 2-3 months. I’ve never seen her place or car. Why won’t she invite me over?’

I’m a 33-year-old guy (M) and I’ve been dating my 30-year-old girlfriend (F) for over a year now, though we’ve only been officially together for about 2-3 months. Things have been going well for the most part, but there’s one thing that’s been bothering me and it’s creating a bit of confusion in our relationship.

For over a year, I’ve never seen her place or her car. She says that she’s not comfortable inviting me over because she made a promise to herself that the next man she lets into her personal space will be the man she marries. But, she’s also told me that she’s not sure yet whether we’re ready for that level of commitment, so she won’t let me into her space just yet.

On top of that, I’ve never met any of her family or friends, which feels like another barrier in getting to know her more deeply. I’m trying to be understanding, but it’s getting hard to make sense of her actions. She says the reason she feels insecure is because she doesn’t think I find her physically attractive.

She told me that she went through my tweets and came to the conclusion that I only like tall women. I’ve tried to reassure her, but she still seems convinced that I’m not attracted to her, and it’s created some distance between us. It’s difficult because I want to be supportive and patient, but I’m also starting to feel like I’m not being fully included in her life.

I understand that people have insecurities, but I don’t know how to help her work through this when it feels like she’s keeping me at arm’s length. I genuinely care about her, and I think we have a strong connection, but the lack of progress in our relationship is making me question if we’re on the same page.

So, I’m turning to you all for advice. What do you think of this situation? Is this level of insecurity something that can be overcome, or am I dealing with a deeper issue here? Should I be worried about the lack of physical intimacy or the fact that she’s not willing to open up her world to me yet?

I’m just feeling a bit lost, and I want to figure out whether I should be more patient or if there’s something I should be doing differently.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

WhydIJoinRedditAgain −  Maybe she thinks it will be awkward when you run into her husband?

PoliteCanadian2 −  1) you’re the side guy 2) her place is a pigsty and she’s embarrassed and doesn’t want you to see the ‘private’ her only the ‘public’ her (newsflash you NEED to see the private her)

princessofpersia10 −  Why have you been dating for over a year but only officially for 2 months? I wouldn’t think you like me that much either tbh

PalpatineBaconQueen −  She might be a hoarder

LuckyLuke1890 −  Reddest of red flags. I hope her husband doesn’t show up at your door.

SecretKaleEater −  Because she is married.

languagelover17 −  She has car seats in her car and kids and a husband at home.

febrezebaby −  She might be homeless and living in her car. She might be messy. She might be a hoarder. She might have a husband. She might legitimately be horribly insecure about her financial situation, especially if she’s given a different impression before and doesn’t want to be caught in the lie.

She might have 7 roommates, she might live at home and she doesn’t have her own car, she might, she might, she might. Go ask her. Her marriage reason is b**lshit. There’s no point being with someone who hides this much or lies this much.

Artistic_Scholar_609 −  Wait why only official for 2-3 months if you’ve been dating for a year?

y2kjanelle −  Well I mean she’s told you. There are different ways to interpret this though. She very well could be hiding something like a family or partner or messy home. But she has technically given you a reason. She is insecure in the relationship. Idk why you’ve only been together officially for 2-3 months and it took a year to commit to each other,

but she is not satisfied with that and believes that for someone to come over, she needs to see a future with that person (aka marriage) and feels secure that they want her physically and will be happy with her. For some reason, she believes she isn’t your type and you will eventually leave her and she doesn’t want to establish a closer relationship with that person in her home and personal space.

I think that’s a bit over blown but that is what she has communicated. So the ball is in your court to establish boundaries and communicate. “I don’t want to date someone who doesn’t want to progress the relationship and be over at each others house”

or “I feel like this means you are hiding something and that makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want to be with someone that makes me feel like they are keeping something with me” or you accept it. If this is meaningful to you in the way that it causes a lot of distrust or discomfort, communicate that, establish a boundary and then act based on her response.