AITA for “hacking” my moms instagram to see if she violated NDA?

A Reddit user, working as a nanny for a high-profile family, found out that her mother had shared confidential details about the family’s life on Instagram, violating an NDA she had signed. After her mother denied it and dismissed her concerns, the user logged into her mom’s Instagram to check her messages and found a violation.

The user confronted her mother, who was furious about the invasion of trust. Now, the user is questioning if her actions were justified or if she was wrong for “hacking” her mom’s Instagram. Read the full story below to see how this family conflict unfolds.

‘ AITA for “hacking” my moms instagram to see if she violated NDA?’

I’m a nanny for a high profile family. I signed a very extensive and strict NDA. Anyone directly involved in my life, mom, dad, sis, and husband, also signed an NDA. The nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk.

Recently ran into one of my parents’ neighbors, Amber, at the park. Amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here). A direct violation of the NDA and something I could be fired and sued for.

My dad isn’t the sharing type, like at all, so I figured it was probably my mom. I asked her about it in a casual “Hey how’s Amber,” way. I said I ran into Amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her. My mom simply shrugged and said, “That’s funny. Maybe she googled? Or saw something on social media?”

My dad and sister absolutely hate Amber. They essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. My dad ended our convo where I asked him about it by saying, “The only thing I know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in New York and is making bank and that’s only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it.”

Right then, I knew my mom lied to me and it was her. She and Amber love to “one up” each other with their children’s success, and I also just landed a great new job. I asked my mom about it AGAIN and she told me that I was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me.

My mom doesn’t text people, only DM’s on instagram. I know her password so logged in to check her messages. There was an extremely long DM to Amber where she shared their professions, children’s names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay “really well”, etc. Everything that we are legally NOT allowed to say, she said.

I called her immediately and said that I logged into her DM’s and saw the message she sent Amber that was a violation. She started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can’t believe I hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up.

It has been a week without contact between the two of us. We used to speak every single day. I am starting to believe that maybe I’m the a**hole here for violating her trust like that. My husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that I gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before I intervened and sought out the truth myself.

He constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family’s well being. Because truthfully, Amber could easily be a p**cho fan or sell the information to someone who is. So, AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

downbythesea113 −  NTA, your mom crossed the line and could end up costing you your job. I would be livid.

liadantaru −  NTA. I would recommend a CYA and tell the family what your mom did and how you responded so that they know you didn’t have anything to do with it.

[Reddit User] −  NTA your husband is right. She literally could ruin your lives with that information.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, your husband is right: you gave her a chance to come clean she didn’t. She could’ve easily endangered your job and the family you nanny for, I mean the NDA is there for a reason…

Flippn_Freddy −  NTA. she legally broke a very binding and dangerous contract. She is putting that family and most importantly those children in danger. Worse is you dont know how amber will use that info. Your family already hates her and sees her as toxic. Whats scary is having tk possibly tell your employer

SparklySlothGiraffe −  NTA. I don’t think your mom gets how bad this. I sign NDAs all day every day for my what I do. I work in hollywood and it part of the job. Your mom doesn’t get that her violating this NDA is not just breaking your the trust with this family. It will ruin all potential job opportunities. It really will.

The chance of you being able to find another job after word gets out you violated an NDA.. it won’t be easy. Not at all. Also this is why my mom and I don’t talk about my work at all. Luckily I love 3k miles away so that helps.

dannylgonzal −  NTA, but who do you work for??? Just kidding. I’m sorry you have to go through this.

holyylemons −  NTA. Ordinarily, I’m not a fan of snooping. But she put your (apparently awesome) job at risk and potentially opened your family up to legal liability. All to one up a frenemy. You needed to know who the leak was in case anything got back to your employer. Your mom is the one who cannot be trusted—she is just trying to turn the tables on you.

Misc-fluff −  Report her to the family you work for this is a serious issue. Also I wouldn’t say it was hacking as obviously she shared the password with you.

stardropunlocked −  NTA. I seriously hope you have a record of your mom’s DM, because you’re going to need it. If not, get that screenshot or record ASAP. Then strict no contact with Mom. Get a lawyer, and ask their advice before doing ANYTHING or telling anyone else. Honestly, probably should delete this post too. Signed, someone whose family has had our fair share of accidental legal problems. Edit: forgot a word

Do you think the user was justified in accessing her mother’s Instagram to protect her job and family’s privacy, or did she cross a line by violating her mom’s trust? How would you have handled this situation? Share your thoughts in the comments below!