I 19F am starting to resent my 22M partner

A young woman is feeling stuck and emotionally drained in her first serious relationship. Her partner doesn’t reciprocate her efforts, leaving her to question whether to keep trying or move on. Here’s her story.

‘ I 19F am starting to resent my 22M partner’

As the title suggests, I’ve been feeling a growing sense of resentment toward my partner. We’ve been talking for 6–7 months now, and at the beginning, everything felt promising. After about a month of getting to know each other, I confessed my feelings, and he told me he liked me too. At the time, it seemed like we were on the same page, and I was hopeful about where things were heading.

Fast forward five or six months, and we’ve done nothing to move our relationship forward. I’ve been putting in a lot of effort—I give him thoughtful gifts, offer words of encouragement, and try to be supportive. But he doesn’t reciprocate in the same way. It feels very one-sided.

He vents to me for hours every day about his life, and I listen because I want to be there for him. But when I try to share my own feelings or struggles, he either falls asleep, cuts me off because he’s “busy,” or just completely zones out. It’s exhausting. For example, I got him a birthday present that I spent time and effort picking out, but he didn’t even acknowledge my birthday.

Whenever I bring up how lonely I feel in our relationship, he says things like, “This is my first relationship,” or “I don’t know how to do these things.” At first, I tried to be understanding—relationships are a learning experience for both of us. But this has become his default response to every issue I raise.

He even uses similar excuses for other things. If I point out something that needs to change or improve, he brushes it off with, “Everyone has flaws,” or “I’m doing my best.” While I appreciate his honesty, I’m at my wit’s end. It feels more like I’m his therapist or mother than his girlfriend.

The frustrating part is that he still has the qualities I was initially drawn to—he can be sensitive, funny, and caring. But those moments are overshadowed by how emotionally draining this dynamic has become. I feel like I’m carrying the entire weight of the relationship while he just coasts along.

I’ve tried to communicate how I feel multiple times, but nothing seems to change. I’m starting to wonder if I should try one more serious conversation or if it’s time to accept that this relationship might not be what I need. What should I do?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

dunimal −  Get out now. You’re 19. Don’t waste another minute of your youth on guys being selfish and self-absorbed to treat you well.

BubblyViviane −  he obviously don’t wanna put in the effort and that’s unfair on your part. if you already talked to him about your feelings and and she’s not making a move on being a better person/partner, then it’s a sign for you to walk away. relationships needs effort from both sides, so while it’s still early, run and move on.

25G1 −  He’s just unwilling to work on things. Don’t worry. Others are. Resentment is hard to come back from and… As above.

Empress-Palpetine −  Break up omg first year is supposed to be honey moon phase. This guy in the relationship like it’s retirement. RUN.

Piilootus −  If you’ve already spoken about this multiple times and he hasn’t changed… there’s no reason to hang around. Even if this is his first relationship it doesn’t sound like he’s interested in doing better at all.

writtnbysofiacoppola −  He hasn’t been taking any accountability or showing any willingness to improve his behaviour for the sake of the relationship. I’d end it.

Ok_Bat_5934 −  Well done for standing up for yourself. You don’t deserve to be in a relationship like that.

Boudoir_Princess −  It sounds like you two have different expectations regarding what a relationship looks like. If you have not had the conversation, I suggest strongly to have it. and yes. I know no verbal and behaviour implies a lot. But it is important that both of you clearly communicate it with each other.

If your expectations don’t align. Then you both can already clearly see the relationship is doomed. If they do align, I would suggest seeking advice from a relationship counsellor/therapist to take the next steps to work on the relationship as a team.

z4r431 −  Girl, why are you still with him? It’s been this way from the start and hasn’t changed. What will you be waiting for? A personality transplant? Find someone with a personality you like.

NaturesVividPictures −  D**p him.