Why can my (F35) husband (M40) never agree with me?

A frustrated wife shares her struggles with her husband’s habit of constantly disagreeing with or dismissing her. She feels unheard and invalidated in their marriage, as every attempt to address the issue is met with denial or resistance. Despite loving her husband, she feels emotionally defeated and is beginning to withdraw from the relationship, unable to cope with the lack of support and partnership.

Efforts to resolve the issue, including suggesting therapy, have been shut down, leaving her feeling stuck and unsure of how to save the relationship. To read more about her situation and share your thoughts, continue below…

‘ Why can my (F35) husband (M40) never agree with me?’

My husband has this infuriating habit of never agreeing with me. It’s like every single thing I say—whether it’s something casual or more serious—is met with resistance. It’s always either “no” or a dismissive “yes, but…” It’s gotten to the point where I feel like there’s no point in even speaking anymore.

I can’t remember the last time he simply agreed with me without adding some kind of correction or contradiction. It’s exhausting. What’s worse is that whenever I try to address this behavior, he denies it outright. “I don’t do that,” he’ll say, which ironically feels like just another way of disagreeing with me.

It’s so frustrating because the very thing I’m trying to talk about ends up happening in the middle of the conversation! I’m left feeling unheard, invalidated, and stuck in a cycle I can’t seem to break. I don’t think he realizes how much this is affecting me—or maybe he does, and he just doesn’t care. Either way, it’s crushing.

I feel like I’m wilting in this marriage, emotionally defeated by his constant need to push back on everything I say. I’ve tried different approaches to get through to him—calm conversations, emotional pleas, even a bit of anger—but nothing seems to work. He doesn’t acknowledge my feelings, let alone take responsibility for how his behavior impacts me.

I’ve even brought up the idea of therapy as a way to work through this together, but that’s always a hard no from him. It’s like he’s completely closed off to any suggestion that there might be a problem, let alone a solution. I can’t make progress if he won’t even admit there’s an issue.

At this point, I feel like I’m “quietly quitting” my marriage. I’ve started withdrawing emotionally because I don’t see any other way to cope. I’ve stopped bringing up my thoughts or ideas as much because it’s just not worth the argument or the inevitable dismissal. But that’s not the kind of relationship I want. I want a partnership where I feel heard and valued, not like I’m constantly being undermined.

I don’t know what to do. I love my husband, but I don’t feel like I can continue in a marriage where my voice feels like it doesn’t matter. How do you reach someone who refuses to listen? How do you save a relationship when one person isn’t willing to meet you halfway?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

WildlifePolicyChick −  On the contrary I think he does pick up on the fact that you are becoming smaller and quieter and beaten down.. That’s why he does it.

KlingonsAteMyCheese −  Why quiet quit when you could just divorce him and be free from it entirely?

Expensive-Opening-55 −  My ex was like this. We attempted therapy and it worked for a short period. He had an incessant need to be right no matter what. Even if he knew he was wrong, he’d pursue his line of thinking till he was blue in the face. He’s lost our marriage and friends to this behavior. (To be fair, the marriage had other issues as well.)

I think part of this stemmed from him feeling inferior. I had a law degree, he worked construction, despite us making around the same. Multiple friends had “better jobs” and he’d constantly tell them they were wrong and argue with them. He had a need to prove to me he was smarter and better because I was also providing everything for the kids and home.

I did what you are doing and basically stopped speaking to him. I did tell him periodically that his behavior would eventually end in divorce. But because he was smarter, he didn’t think I’d follow through. I’m not saying this is the reason your husband does this but sharing my perspective.

If you’d like to save your marriage I’d suggest counseling asap. Otherwise, if you’ve decided it’s just over, save yourself the trouble and consult an attorney. I’m sorry you’re going through this.

Babydoll0907 −  My mom’s husband does this to her. It’s exhausting. He always has to be smarter and know more than her. She’s almost 70, and I’ve begged her to divorce him and find some happiness, but she doesn’t see the point at her age. He will literally disagree with her about EVERYTHING.

They were at Walmart the other day, and there was a table with a job posting hiring for remodelers. She brought up the fact that my teen was looking for a job and took one of the fliers. He took it out of her hand and said “oh they’re already done with this.

There’s no point.” She looked at him bewildered and just said “done with what, Charles? If they were “done” as you say, why us the table with fliers still here? You don’t even know what you’re looking at. ” He just snapped back, “They’re done. They don’t need anyone. I know what I’m talking about.

They got in a fight about it in the parking lot where he played the victim and accused her of undermining him. They were not done remodeling the store. They hadn’t even started yet, ffs. She told me about it and guess what? My daughters first day was TODAY.

He didn’t even know what she was talking about because he had just walked up to the table 3 seconds before she she told him it would be a good job for my daughter. He just wanted to belittle her and make her feel wrong.

My point here is that they have been together 30 years. It only gets worse. There isn’t a single thing that she says that he doesn’t push back on. She could say the sky is blue and he would give 30 reasons on why its not. Really consider if you’re okay being almost 70 and feeling completely empty and alone in your relationship.

Georgi2024 −  Mirror this with him. When you see his reaction, say that this is exactly what he does to you.

RelevantAd6063 −  Men are socialized to discount what women say.

AgonistPhD −  The myriad replies saying that you need to give examples for them, internet strangers, to believe that you’re frustrated by a common and documented sociological phenomenon, are like a microcosm of your marriage, huh?

The-Inquisition −  He does not see you as an equal, hence why he is always correcting like you are a child

bettinafairchild −  Misogyny