AITA for supporting my wife after my daughter publicly exposed her diary which had “cruel” comments?

A Reddit user shared a story about a serious family fallout after his 15-year-old daughter discovered his wife’s personal diary and posted private pages online, revealing sensitive thoughts about his ex and stepchildren.

The daughter felt justified in exposing her stepmother’s words, while the user stood by his wife, believing the diary entries were a private part of their therapy process. This decision caused tension with his children, his ex, and extended family, leading to custody disputes and emotional turmoil. Was his support of his wife justified, or did he handle the situation poorly? Read the full story below to form your own opinion.

‘ AITA for supporting my wife after my daughter publicly exposed her diary which had “cruel” comments?’

I have been remarried for a year now to my wife. I have a 15 year old daughter and a 11 year old son from my first marriage. I also have a 15 year old stepdaughter. My wife has always gotten along with my children very well and has gone above and beyond to integrate our families.

And although at first my daughter was very standoffish to my wife, my wife was eventually able to bond with her. Only then did we get married. A few weeks ago, my daughter found my wife’s diary that she had been writing to when we went to marital counseling before we got married. Both our first marriages were terrible so we were determined to do it right. I also was given a diary.

My daughter then proceeded to read everything and even take photographs of certain pages. She then posted the photographs on Facebook and called my wife a bunch of cruel names. My wife had written a few things about how she wished I didn’t have kids before we met so we could have had less issues dealing with my ex.

She also said how she hated that my daughter had picked up so many bad traits from my ex. And the last thing related to my kids was that she said my ex was a terrible mother for weaponizing her kids. I admit I was taken aback and upset that my wife had written these things because I knew my kids would be hurt.

But this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise and the diary had been hidden in our closet. My daughter even posted some very sensitive information about my wife dealing with her father who was an a**oholic. My wife is inconsolable. A lot of my family and friends have turned on my wife because they think what she wrote was terrible.

I disagree. She wrote things that she was concerned would affect our marriage and the counseling actually helped us deal with having stepchildren. And it’s not like I shared the same opinion about my ex. I’m just so defeated. My daughter will no longer see me if my wife is around and won’t step foot in our house. My son is following her lead. My wife has already apologized several times.

My ex has said she will be starting the process to reduce my custody and sue for defamation. I know she won’t win the defamation case but I feel like custody will indeed switch. I’m very stressed out. My daughter refused to take down the diary pages and insists she’s in the right. I have taken my wife’s side in all this. Am I the a**hole? My entire family has been blown up.

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

procedureszone102 −  NTA Your daughter is old enough to know not to read someone’s diary. I really feel for you, mate, you’re in a no-win situation.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. this was also a personal diary as part of a therapy exercise. Sounds like the entire point of this was to vent unhealthy thoughts.

mistefmisdononm −  NTA!! Your wife is ENTITLED to work through her emotions and issues in a productive way, which she has been doing with her personal, therapy diary. Your daughter, although young and probably very emotional, is in the wrong and acted very innapropriately.

[Reddit User] −  Nta. Your wife has the right to vent. BUT you need to talk to your teenaged child. And as fast as possible with a therapist in the room. Because this will break your relationship. This has nothing to do with sides. This has to do with a teen that feels betrayed by someone she found out sees her as a burden and wished she was never born.

Your child was in the wrong, but teens have too many emotions to deal with. And you taking your wife’s side in this, will feel as betrayel Also, please don’t be the dad that will end up stop trying to have contact with their kids because they refuse to see them. Keep trying, every month, even if it takes years. Because this will determine who they are as a person.

mextrawork −  NTA. Report the images on fb and take them down. Your daughter had no right to put up those pictures online. These are personal stuff not something for the world. Your daughter got her feelings hurt because of reading someone elses personal diary.

GrymDraig −  NTA. Part of the reason for going to therapy or keeping a journal is to learn how to process negative thoughts in a more healthy way. This was also an i**asion of your wife’s privacy. Every single person in the world has thoughts that would hurt someone else if they were shared. The fact that your wife wrote these items down demonstrates she was trying to work through her feelings in such a way that *didn’t* hurt the children. This shows she actually does care about them.

goestoeswoes −  NTA!!! What your wife writes as an outlet doesn’t always mean it translates to those feelings in reality. Hear me out. Your ex wife probably did weaponize your children in the divorce and that is a terrible terrible thing to do to children. Especially during a divorce. And your daughter probably did pick up bad traits from your ex. Her actions are nothing short of that.

What she did is absolutely terrible. Your daughter has a lot to learn about life. Your daughter is a child. She knows very little about life right now and is chalk full of hormones. Not to mention her lack of life experience. And yes, sometimes women in insecurity do say things. In private. That helps them further process their thoughts and emotions.

The difference between your wife and your daughter (from what you mentioned) is that your wife doesn’t act on her emotions, she just processes them. Your daughter however, being of her age and having little life experience, acts on her emotions and doesn’t understand the power behind processing them. You are absolutely NTA. You have a very cruel daughter. In my book what your wife said doesn’t even begin to touch the surface in comparison to your daughters actions.

FeedThePug −  NTA – This is exactly why diaries are off limits. Your wife had every right to use her diary to vent. The way you described your situation before this incident shows, that she used the diary to work through her doubts and issues to do her part to create a positive family situation. I also want to emphasize that I think your wife did nothing wrong.

She was entitled to feeling however she felt. She did the grown-up thing and dealt with it. That is more than I‘ve come to see in most people I know. At 15 your daughter lacks the experience to acknowledge that.

However, your family should. And even at her young age, your daughter should know better than to read and publish someone else‘s diary. Maybe you can see a family therapist. I‘d strongly recommend that.

Bnorm71 −  Nta your wife was right about your ex, she has weaponized the kids

buttercupcake23 −  My god, even a 10 year knows that reading someone else’s diary is a s**tty thing to do, let alone post it publicly. What the everloving f**k – it sounds like the ex did weaponize the kids. I know kids aren’t fully developed and all that but this is borderline evil. This was your wife’s THERAPY.

It was deeply personal and this trauma shes going through now – I cant even imagine the pain and humiliation. Stand with your wife. She has nothing to apologize for – it is human to have thoughts and doubts and she was working through them with her therapist, not writing a burn book for pettiness. Imo your daughter needs some serious time out and discipline, not an apology.

Do you think the father was right to support his wife, given the sensitive nature of the diary? Or should he have prioritized his relationship with his daughter? How would you handle a similar situation involving family privacy and trust? Share your thoughts in the comments below!