AITA for my sister ending her pregnancy and possibly her marriage?

A Redditor helped his sister leave an abusive marriage and start a new life, but now their family is furious with him. The sister was pressured into marrying a man chosen by her family and gave up her career to become a stay-at-home mom on a farm.

After enduring financial and emotional abuse, she confided in her brother, who encouraged her to reclaim her independence. He sent her money, which she used to move back to NYC, get a new job, and file for divorce. She also ended her pregnancy, which sparked outrage from their conservative family. Despite the backlash, the Redditor feels relieved that his sister is safe and happier, but he’s wondering if he went too far. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for my sister ending her pregnancy and possibly her marriage?’

I (m32) have two older brothers (m38 and m40) and a sister (f34). Note the age differences. Our dad passed away 5 years ago in our hometown (a more suburban town in Wisconsin). Our family was relatively modest when my brothers grew up, so they were cared for a lot by my parent’s families who are very conservative.

My dad personally, was not. By the time me and my sister were born, our dad’s career was doing great and we were well off. Me and my sister have Master’s while our brothers didn’t go to college despite the funds and chances.

My mom had been trying to set my sister up with a churchgoer’s kid. This didn’t progress until around the time my dad died and my sister came back and helped with the funeral. My brother’s families are both in town as well. I worked in tech in China then and live in SF now and since the funeral have been mostly LC with everyone except my sister.

Honestly, I was very close with my dad and there was obvious favoritism towards me which the others didn’t like. So, my mom and oldest brother now technically live in my house. My sister somehow ended up leaving her career and moving back. She married the man my mom set her up with in 2019. I honestly was in shock at the wedding.

I really didn’t ever see my sister living on a farm and becoming a stay at home mom. I knew for a fact my mom and brothers had a huge part in this, because there were a lot of “she’s back home” posts. Later I found out that she had pretty much given all her savings to her husband.

Late 2020, my sister, straight out of the blue started calling me and just “chatting” about things. I of course, love this. Early in 2021, my mom told me she was pregnant. I immediately asked my sister about this and she kinda broke down. In short, the husband has been abusive, she’s broke and my family and her in laws haven’t helped.

My oldest brother wailed at her about how his wife went through the same thing and my sister should stop thinking she’s special. The first time she called me, he had kicked her out of their home for complaining about their finances. This was fairly common.

This is where IATA: I basically yelled at her too. I told her that she had a career which she can still go back to and I can help her move back to NYC (where she worked / studied before). And that the pregnancy wasn’t the end of it and there were other options.

The next day she asked me for 5k which I sent to her without asking. I didn’t hear much after and didn’t intrude coz it was a total mindfuck. A month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in NYC and filed for divorce. The pregnancy is also no longer on the table.

Now my family has been blowing up my social media calling me all sorts of s**t. I’ve in general called them s**t back as well and the home might be on the market soon. My sister needed to switch apartments and got a restraining order against her ex and well… things aren’t great, but I’m happy my sister is better. So AITA?

Edit: I messed up a date and fixed some grammar.

Edit: Wow, I just woke up and did not not expect a response like this. Thank you everyone, this helps a lot! I saw a couple of posts mentioned they had been in the same predicament as my sister and I’d really like to say that you aren’t alone. Please, please reach out to those you have ever been close to.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

HereWeGo_Steelers −  You’re NTA for helping your sister get out of an abusive relationship. You probably saved her life, especially since he is now stalking her in NYC.

Avebury1 −  NTA. I would probably kick your mom and oldest brother out of your house. for how they treated your sister.

LadyAnput −  Oh my goodness, NTA! You saved your sister’s life and I’m so sorry that you have to deal with a family like that! Listen, I’m sorry to say this, but you have to distance yourself away from your mother and brothers. Go full NC. They obviously don’t care about the wellbeing of their own and your brother is possibly being harmful towards his wife in some way, just to guess.

They will probably try to harrass your sister. Guilt her,blame her, make her feel like she is the epitome of the worst thing, because she didn’t go and fit into their old fashioned views of a woman getting married, having babies, and being the picture of a domestic housewife who lets the men make all of the decisions, while she sits back in the background and looks pretty.

Consistent-Leopard71 −  NTA. Your sister was in an abusive marriage and you were the only one who didn’t tell her to s**k it up. You gave her the means to get out and change her life and that makes you the hero! Good for you and for your sister for knowing her worth.

Status-Pattern7539 −  NTA. You are the only one that cared for her welfare, the others just cared about their own wants (she’s close to home/ easy to control or manipulate/ the “you need to give me a grand baby stage” etc) .

Your brother also sounds abusive (saying his wife complained about the same thing and your sister isn’t special). Good on you for helping her, the rest of your selfish family would have left her in that marriage to become another statistic.

Different-Secret −  Many years ago, I was in trouble, and turned to my big brother to help. No questions asked, he was there for me 100%… financially, emotionally, and privately. He kept our secret until the day he died. He was forever my hero, and I miss him, every day. Bless you for your kindness. She’ll never forget, I promise ❤️

Dazzling_Ad_1601 −  NTA – You did the right thing. Clearly you telling her that she could survive on her own was the motivation that she needed. Knowing someone was finally in her corner helped her. Your family is a bunch if AH’s for allowing an abusive relationship to go on and not do anything about it.

IndieJones29 −  NTA! Props to you for helping your sister! You’ve helped her out from an abusive situation. A month later my sister told me she had gotten a new job in NYC and filed for divorce. The pregnancy is also no longer on the table.

That’s wonderful. She longer has to put up with any of that crap (atleast not as much) and move on. Also shame on your family for basically wanting her to be with a horrid person and s**ew up her life, just to save face.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Both decisions were hers to make and sounds like the best decision for her given her circumstances.

TerribleTribbles −  AH?! Hell no, you’re the effing HERO!. NTA!

Do you think the Redditor did the right thing by encouraging his sister to leave an abusive situation, even though it caused a family rift? How would you handle family backlash in a situation like this? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments!