UPDATE: AITA for checking my blood sugar at my desk when my coworker has a severe blood p**bia?

A Reddit user shared an update about the ongoing conflict with their coworker, James, who has a severe blood-related phobia that made it difficult for him to be around the user while they were checking their blood sugar. After consulting with HR, a solution was reached to prevent triggering James’ phobia, but the arrangement eventually became untenable.

James eventually quit, citing multiple reasons, including the stress caused by the situation. The Redditor now feels a mix of relief and guilt, understanding how difficult it must be for James to live with such a phobia. Read the original story below for more details.

‘ UPDATE: AITA for checking my blood sugar at my desk when my coworker has a severe blood p**bia?’

I’m really glad I posted, it gave me the reassurance I needed that I was doing the right thing going to HR. I took your guy’s advice on how to approach the conversation with HR. I said that me and my coworker have conflicting medical needs and I could use advice on a solution that would work for both of us.

The HR lady said that I have every right to continue to test my blood sugar in my office. When I told her that James suggested I test only at specific times of the day, her eyes got really big and she was like, “NO. Do not test your blood sugar on a schedule suggested to you by your coworker. Only your doctor.”

Later HR spoke to James as well. Here’s what we agreed to with HR:

-James is to call me on the phone before coming to my office. As in, “Hey, can I come ask a question?” and I say sure and ensure I’m not checking my blood sugar at that moment.

-I cannot test my blood sugar in front of James. I wasn’t doing this anyway.

-If James’ p**bia symptoms are triggered for whatever reason, he is entitled to a ten-minute break to let his symptoms subside, in addition to the normal breaks we all get.

This system worked great…for a week. One day he called as usual, I said sure come over, but then he…didn’t come over. After about ten minutes I actually needed to check my blood sugar but thought with my luck he’d walk in at the exact moment I was testing. I ended up calling him back and he said that he got distracted and forgot he had a question for me.

A few days later it happened again, and I was a bit annoyed that twice I delayed testing because I thought he was going to be entering my office at any second. Soon after I found out that James had put in his two-week notice. He explained that me being diabetic wasn’t the only reason why he was quitting, he wanted different hours etc, but that it did play a role.

Later, Megan (our other coworker) told me that James told her that he really struggled with me being diabetic. For example, even just thinking, “I need to ask a question, but I have to call first to make sure he’s not checking his blood sugar” was distressing to him because then he’d be thinking about it, which would make him feel queasy and anxious.

James has quit now. While I’m relieved that I don’t have to feel like a leper at work anymore, I mostly just feel bad for James. It must be awful living with a p**bia that severe and I know he didn’t choose to be that way. I hope he continues to see his therapist and can improve. So I guess this doesn’t have a happy ending because ultimately we couldn’t work it out and he quit.

See what others had to share with OP:

thoughtfulspiky −  Good for your HR for supporting your testing schedule and for trying to find a way to make everyone comfortable. I do feel bad for James and hope he finds a way to manage his p**bia.

havartna −  Wow. His p**bia goes way beyond the “normal” abnormality. It must really be severe. If he can’t work in an office where he knows that someone is diabetic he’s going to find it hard to maintain employment.

paulotchoks −  Well, I’m glad that HR were so understanding of both sides and actually attempted to solve it for both of you. I’m sad to hear that he quit because of this, but maybe it’s for the better. I hope he can get the help he needs to overcome this p**bia, especially since it seems so severe that he couldn’t work in the same place as someone who is diabetic.

mrmses −  With Zoom and all, i wonder how much of this could have been handled by James and a phone call or even a zoom call. The only reasons i can think of for two office co-workers to need a face to face interaction is when working materials are involved. Is James a metal worker and needs to show his new material design in tactile form to OP? What other ways do co-workers need to interact face to face these days In office settings?

[Reddit User] −  I’m not one to downplay a p**bia, but honestly, it seems like James was either expecting them to go further to “accommodate him” or is looking for a payout. I think this because if he needs to call you in order to make sure “the coast is clear”, then he should be in the process of actually going to see you, AND what exactly does he need to ask, that he couldn’t have asked over the phone?

[Reddit User] −  I was so curious how this turned out, thanks for the update. You seem like a very kind person. I feel sorry for James. Unless he’s able to conquer this particular p**bia he’s ….going to have a very hard time remaining employed anywhere.

daisyrich −  Wow. I can relate to this so hard. I have a severe needle p**bia that sounds just like James’. I once had a T1D coworker whose cubicle was right next to mine. At first, even just the beeping sound of her glucose test through the cubicle wall was enough to trigger my anxiety.

She also had to give herself insulin injections at restaurants when we would go out for lunch as a group. I was very open with her about my anxiety (and often make fun of myself for it to keep the mood light). While my p**bia is severe, her illness is life-threatening. I am extremely understanding that she has to test her blood sugar and take insulin in order to STAY ALIVE.

Once she knew about my p**bia, she would give me a subtle heads up before she tested her sugars or did an injection, and for a while, I would excuse myself to the restroom every time. It worked great for us, and actually helped me to confront my anxiety.

Eventually I was able to stay seated next to her at lunch and just turn my head until she was finished testing/injecting. Kindness and understanding on both parts was essential. Neither of us ever wanted the other to feel embarrassed or uncomfortable.

I was always the one who removed myself from the situation if it was too triggering – there was never any reason to make her jeopardize her health to accommodate me. We have both since left that job but remain good friends!

[Reddit User] −  While I’m sure it feels awful, take this stranger’s assurance that James’s p**bia is not your responsibility in this case. You did your best to accommodate him as HR saw fit. He chose to leave. We can all hope he has a better experience wherever he lands next. I also hope he gets therapy as he has an issue that is seriously impacting his ability to live a normal life.

Affectionate-Cup8746 −  Personally it would have been good manners to check you weren’t busy before barging over and complaining because you have to check your sugar. What if you were busy with something you might not have time to talk with him about whatever he needs to know. He was being a little selfish and I am sorry that it so hard on him but telling others how live their lives is wrong. There are enough busy bodies doing that without another one.

Amadai −  My husband is type 1 and he uses a sensor that he sticks to his upper arm and it’s constantly checking his BS and sends the info to his pump, his phone, and his watch. Whenever he needs to check his sugar it’s right on his wrist with no blood letting at all.

Do you think the Redditor did everything they could to accommodate their coworker’s phobia, or should more have been done to find a middle ground? How would you handle a similar situation where medical needs conflict at work? Share your thoughts in the comments below!