How to stop my (20F) mum (50F) from keep wanting to sleep with me?

A Reddit user (20F) shared a challenging situation with her mother (50F), who insists on having her sleep in her bed despite the user’s efforts to establish boundaries and sleep in her own room. Over the years, her mother has used guilt trips, ultimatums, and emotional manipulation to get her way, leaving the user feeling exhausted and frustrated.

Even when she successfully sleeps in her own bed, her mother responds with silent treatment or other forms of emotional punishment. The user is seeking advice on how to address this while living at home due to financial constraints.

‘ How to stop my (20F) mum (50F) from keep wanting to sleep with me?’

I (20F) had always had a hard time with trying to get to sleep on my own bed. When I was 16, I had to fight and rearrange all the bedroom furniture so that I could get my own bed and room. But even though I had my own bed and room, every time I tried to sleep in my own bed, my mother would come into my room and physically drag me out of my bed and pull me to her bed,

or she will come in to guilt-trip me into sleeping with her, or she will be very irritating and not let me sleep (e.g., keeping the lights on while staring at me as I attempt to sleep), or she will threaten me with ultimatums (e.g., “If you don’t sleep in my bed with me…” “I won’t love you anymore”/ “I won’t talk to you anymore”/ “then you have destroyed our mother-daughter relationship”/ “then it means you don’t love me – why don’t you love me”/ etc).

She just doesn’t accept my “no” for a no. I usually get so sick of it that I just give up and surrender and sleep on her bed. This has been going on for 4 years, and I’m just tired of this. Yesterday I got to sleep in my own bed, and now my mother is giving me the silent treatment.

Is there any way I can get her to stop this? And no, I cannot move out (financial issues – need to wait at least 1 more year), or move in with friends or other family members because I don’t have either.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Waviaerith −  You need to move out. This is extremely unhealthy of her to be doing. Unfortunately I don’t have advice on how to get her to stop wanting to do this. I really don’t think anything will stop her besides you no longer living with her.

DHitmontop44 −  Holy s**t. OP go find a roommate to move in with immediately. No disrespect, but that’s fucked and your moms needs some professional help with whatever trauma is plaguing her.

Ok-Possible9327 −  Your mom needs to spend a considerable amount of time with a therapist. You could use some too as a way of learning how to set boundries and stand by them. This is not a typical mother daughter relationship. I think you know that, and your mom does too. Has she always been this way?

Has she ever had a romantic partner, and if she has, how has it affected your relationship? I wish I had some advice for you other than therapy. That is the long-term goal, but you need short-term solutions right now. For now, just stay strong and understand that this is your mothers problem. I hope you can get her to understand that you need and deserve some space and privacy

garlicheesebread −  yeah this is turbo-fucked and non-consentual. you very much need to leave, and do so discreetly. i would ghost to a good friend and go NC entirely.

Southern-Midnight741 −  Wait did I just read? OP this is….Not normal. You need to move out or let your mother have her tantrum.

Chehairazode −  You slept in your own bed yesterday, do it again today and tomorrow— rinse and repeat, and don’t give into her guilt trips. If you can, get a lock for your door as well. Your mother is unwell. I hope that you are working on an exit plan.

Inconceivable76 −  Enjoy the silence. the best thing you can do is not give in. Your mom is having an adult tantrum. Much like with a 2 year old, if you give in, there will be two times as many tantrums because they have learned they get their way. perhaps grab a book on how parents teach kids to sleep by themselves and use that.

WittyAndWeird −  Do you have a lock on your door? If not, go get one and install it. When it’s time for bed, go in your room, lock the door, and go to bed. Get a good pair of noise cancelling headphones. When she loses her s**t at your bedroom door, put those bad boys on, listen to some music, and ignore her. Don’t respond to her at all. Just let her tire herself out.

NaturesVividPictures −  Let her act like a child and give you the silent treatment that is a win to me. Tell her you’re not a baby and you’re not sleeping with her anymore and if she needs somebody to sleep with either get a boyfriend or get a dog. But you’re not her emotional support animal anymore. You just going to have to get tough with her.

daydreamer19861986 −  Your mother is very abusive and you really need to move out. Get a second job (assuming you have one already) if you have to, this is a very unhealthy situation. In the meantime stick to your guns, don’t give in, let her sulk.