AITA For siding with my brother and SIL over my parents?

A Reddit user shares their intense family conflict after their brother and sister-in-law (SIL) decided to adopt a child and not have biological children. While initially supportive, the parents became outraged, demanding a biological “male heir” to continue the family name. The situation escalated when the parents began neglecting their adopted granddaughter and refused to speak to her, calling her “not their real grandchild.” The user sided with their brother and SIL, confronting the parents in a heated argument. Invite people to read the original story below.

‘ AITA For siding with my brother and SIL over my parents?’

My brother and my SIL have been married for 6 years. I love them both dearly. They adopted a little girl about a year ago. My parents were happy about this too, at first. They got really angry when my brother and SIL announced recently that their daughter would be their only child and they do not want biological kids.. ​

My mom and dad lost their s**t. They told my brother he *had* to get my SIL pregnant. He was the family’s male heir and he would have to have a biological son to carry forward the family name. This makes no sense to me, nor my bro and SIL. It’s not as if we’re a family of European royalty. Who gives a f**k about the family name in this day and age?

Well, my parents do apparently. They’ve been berating my brother and guilt tripping my sister in law, making her feel like she’s taking something away from our family. On one occasion they actually suggested that my brother leave my SIL if she didn’t want to get pregnant and have a son with another woman.. ​

What’s even worse is that they’ve stopped paying attention to my niece. Earlier, they would call and talk to her almost everyday. But ever since they were told about my bro and SIL’s decision, they’ve stopped calling her. This pisses me off and has deeply saddened my bro and SIL. The child is 3 years old and doesn’t deserve this kind of treatment.. ​

Yesterday, when I called my brother, he seemed very upset. He told me that mom and dad had called him and they had talked about something unrelated. When he asked if they wanted to talk to their granddaughter, they said they’d talk to their *real* grandchild when my brother came to his senses and decided to give them one.. ​

I was angrier than I’ve been in a long time. I called my parents and unloaded on them. I told them how selfish and cruel they were being and how dare they take out their anger on my niece, along with a lot of other things I can’t even remember.

My mom started crying as she’s not used to being yelled at. I understand that yelling at them may have been a bit much, but I just can’t believe how awful they are being towards a kid. So am I the a**hole? Or are they?. ​. ​EDIT : Some people have been wondering how my parents would act when I have kids. No need to worry about that since I won’t be having any. I made this clear to my parents years ago and yes they threw a fit over this.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your parents can be disappointed that they don’t have a “biological” grandchild, but you were absolutely right to call them out on how cruel they’re being to your niece. What if your brother or SIL weren’t physically able to have children?

I wonder if your parents would have thrown a fit about carrying on the family name then. Either way, they need to come to terms with their disappointment and stop taking it out by being so mean to everyone, especially their granddaughter.

Caligusads −  NTA. They absolutely deserved it. Good on you for having your brother’s, SIL’s, and niece’s backs.

CobaltAce51 −  NTA I’m sure your brother feels good that you are at least on his side.

[Reddit User] −  Pretty obviously NTA. Forcing someone to have kids? Abusive potentially. Your parents’ behaviour is disgusting in this context.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, they are though! They have a grandchild and are mistreating her (and her parents) for not being biologically related to them. Do you know the saying “Blood is thicker than water”? The actual quote goes “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb”, meaning that connections established freely are stronger than just being connected by genetics.

Maybe yelling wasn’t the best thing to do, but so is their behaviour towards your niece, who is getting ignored by her grandparents for something she has no power over and for some old/weird value.

Vaxildidi −  NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA NTA Just because your mom cried because one of her children demanded to be respected as a peer doesn’t make you an a**hole. They are being selfish, cruel, petulant, childish, immature, assholes. You had every right to read them the riot act, so does your brother, so does your SIL. Hopefully they learn from this encounter and grow up.

lady_edesia −  NTA. Not only because you don’t treat a child like that, but even if they did have a child, what if it was “gasp” a GIRL!!! Would they be as vile to their “bio”grandchild unless they get the gender they want?

yourjane −  As a parent of an adopted child…Thank you. I am from India and it’s not a very socially accepted norm here. My in laws reacted similarly when we told them first that we only wanted to adopt and not have biological kids.

Lots of tantrums and emotional manipulation. Thankfully my BIL was very supportive and he stood by us. As time went on they have completely accepted the reality and are very loving to their grandchild.

I hope it’s only time that they need to get over their disappointment and they will come around to giving the little girl the grandparents she deserves. You did absolutely the right thing. She is lucky to have such an aunt / uncle who stands up for her.. NTA

FanofYueFei −  *Oh, but they must have a male heir, for the Abbey is entailed. Otherwise your boorish solicitor cousin, Mr. Feversham, will inherit all! Now will someone please enlighten me as to what is a week-end?!* NTA, and your niece doesn’t need grandparents who s**k like that!

velvetclef −  NTA. your parents are being completely irrational.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in confronting their parents, or should they have handled the situation differently? How would you respond if someone in your family dismissed an adopted child as “not real”? Share your thoughts below!