AITA for making my oldest pay back a 3,000 dollar dress she ruined
A mother (38) is facing backlash after making her 16-year-old daughter, Bethany, pay back the $3,000 for a dress she ruined in a fit of jealousy. The dress was meant for her step-sister’s quinceañera, and the punishment has caused tension between family members. Read the original story below:
‘ AITA for making my oldest pay back a 3,000 dollar dress she ruined’
My oldest ( Bethany 16) has a step sibling ( Maria 14 almost 15). Bethany and I are white while my husband and Maria are Mexican descent They have been in each other lives since they were 6 and 7 and overall the relationship is good until recently. Maria quinceanera is coming up and my husband and his ex wife took her to get her dress.
The dress and alliterations came to around 3000 dollars. My daughter has been very jealous of the whole party. I’ve informed her it is part of the culture just like when she had a huge sweet sixteen party with her friends. I spent more time with her to try to make her feel better about it and got her own much cheaper dress for the party.
The party is suppose to be in two weeks but my daughter after an argument with Maria about the tv she scribbled sharpie all of the expensive dress and ripped the back. The story short everyone was pissed. I gave money to my husband and his ex to try to get a new dress ASAP.
I informed my daughter she will need to get a job and pay back the full price of the dress as punishment. We got in a huge argument over it and the whole situation isn’t fair that I am choosing Maria and being a huge j**k. Am I being a huge j**k.
Check out how the community responded:
RaineMist − NTA. Quinceanera dresses aren’t cheap and your daughter is old enough to know better.
[Reddit User] − NTA. Bethany deliberately ruined a dress. She has to pay for it. If she had done this to a total stranger, would she claim you’re choosing the stranger? If Maria had ruined one of her dresses, would she just let it go? Bethany’s very close to becoming an adult.
It’s time she realizes that comes with responsibilities. I wonder what Bethany would say after reading some of these comments – because I doubt you’ll see many, if any, Y T A. Or would she complain that you put this out to the world?
[Reddit User] − NTA. Your 16 year old destroyed someone else’s property. It is her responsibility to make restitution. This isn’t taking sides, it’s good parenting.
And it wouldn’t be a bad idea to impress upon Bethany that if this were the property of someone other than a family member, the police or court system would probably be involved. She’s fortunate that her parent is willing to work out a repayment plan with her instead.
Sloppypoopypoppy − INFO – Was there a big difference between what you spent on Bethany and what’s being spent on Maria? Obviously, Bethany is an AH whatever happens as Maria hasn’t done anything wrong and apart from small children, we don’t express our upset by destroying other people’s stuff, regardless of value.
Serious-Day5968 − NTA. She’s 16 not 5 years old. In 2 years she will be 18. If Maria was my daughter, Bethany wouldn’t be allowed at the party. She can stay home grounded, she destroyed the dress what’s next? The cake? Or decorations?. What she did was uncalled for. I would no longer trust her with any of the party things. Does Bethany at least seem remorseful? If not she can stay home.
Fwoggie2 − Speaking as a parent albeit without stepchildren, a firm NTA. Bethany is old enough to understand that actions have consequences and she’s just learnt a major one the hard way.
Kudos to you for stepping in to resolve the situation in a fair way to both Maria and her parents and in addition for both allocating more time to Bethany before this happened and insisting she needs to get a job to pay reparations.
At her age Bethany is going to find it takes a long time to earn $3k but the experience will do her good for finding a job after school or college plus will teach her the value of money and depending on the job may even mature her too.
[Reddit User] − NTA. Your daughter is almost an adult. She knew what she was doing was wrong. And let’s be honest, she knew what she was doing was a *crime*. Tell her she can get a job and pay back the money or her stepsister and her parents can file a police report. I know that sounds harsh, but your daughter needs a wake up call. Otherwise she’ll do something like this to someone else, and she’ll end up going to jail.
NGDGUnpunished − NTA. Bethany is old enough to get behind the wheel of a car. She needs to learn impulse control and that actions have consequences. In addition to repaying the cost of the dress, I hope there are more immediate consequences like grounding, taking away phone privileges, etc.
Hers were the actions of a spoiled child having a tantrum, not those of a maturing young woman. If this is normal behavior for Bethany, you should have her evaluated for mental illness as well. Another thought:
you are paying very large sums of money for parties and dresses, so she may have no context for just how much money $3000 is – getting a job to work that off will be a real eye-opener for Bethany.
atokadelggon − Nta. Your daughter had her time in the spotlight during her sweet 16 and now it’s her sisters turn and she doesn’t want to share it so she’s lashing out. Honestly paying it back is the least punishment she should receive.
[Reddit User] − NTA. Wow! your daughter is a n**ty entitled AH. You are right to make her pay back every last penny. you just cannot allow this sort of jealous behaviour
Was the punishment too harsh, or did the mother have every right to hold her daughter accountable for ruining an expensive dress? What would you have done in this situation? Let us know in the comments!