AITA for refusing to apologize to my husband in writing after I cancelled all his family invitations to a Christmas celebration at our house?

A woman is faced with a major conflict after her husband, assuming control as the “head of the family” following his father’s passing, invites his entire extended family to their home for a 5-day Christmas celebration—without consulting her first. With a full-time job, a toddler, and a pregnancy, she felt overwhelmed and decided to cancel the invitations.

Her husband is now demanding a written apology, claiming she disrespected him and his late father. But she stands firm in her decision. Who’s in the wrong here? Read on to find out how this family drama unfolded.

‘ AITA for refusing to apologize to my husband in writing after I cancelled all his family invitations to a Christmas celebration at our house?’

Tldr at bottom. So to give some context, I (f32) have been married to my husband (m39) for 4 years. I work a full time job while he does a 3 times a week night shift. We have a 2 year old and I’m 6 months pregnant.

This whole drama started days ago. My husband has a large family. And on every Christmas they’d gather at his father’s house. My father in law passed away a year ago and This year my husband decided as the man of the family to host Christmas at our house. Unbeknowest to me, he sent out invitations for a 5 day Christmas celebration to his entire family which are about 26 members in total

I found out about by accident and I was too shocked to react. I confronted him on it and he said I shouldn’t be surprised and just get used to it because after his father’s death he’s now the family’s “head” and all major family events will be held in our house and in his presence. I freaked out and said no this is wrong and he should’ve talked to me first before sending out any invitations to his family knowing I have other commitments like work and taking care of the house and our son.

He said we’ll manage if I took time off work but that means more workload later and it’d take away from my maternity leave. I demanded he cancel the invitations but he refused saying “over my dead body” then walked out. I ended up sending a mass text to everyone who recieved an invitation explaining that we will not be hosting Christmas this year.

He found out and went off on me calling my behabior outragously appalling and said that I broke his word to his family and made him look small and with no authority. I in a very strict tone replied that I didn’t sign up to host a celebration and accomadate 26 people while pregnant, taking care of a toddler and working. And I don’t care if he became the head of family after his father’s death because it means nothing to me. He took offense to that and walked out almost crying.

He later talked about how I disrespected his father and him with what I said and demanded a hand written apology for cancelling the event and for being insensitive towards him and underminning his authority infront of his family but I said no apology from me in any form and the issue is still up especially with my MIL giving me a stern talk about how out of line I was for disrespecting my husband’s decisions regarding the holiday celebration with family.

Tldr: my husband invited his family without telling me so I cancelled and he wants a formal apology.

See what others had to share with OP:

Good_Comparison7402 −  NTA… Is he delusional? A written apology? What are you his servant? Jesus Christ, that’s repulsive.

amusingmistress −  Dearest Husband. I am sorry that you do not consider me a partner and that you have operated under the misguided notion that I am a baby maker and child raiser that you can also task to organize, cater, and run complex and large scale family events without consultation or consideration.

I apologize for allowing an environment to exist that led you to believe that making such a big decision without discussing it with me and your resulting behaviour and callous disregard for your pregnant wife could exist. Rest assured that this will not continue. All the best and Happy Holidays. – Your wife, who is going to have a nap while you cook us all dinner. NTA.

ElectronicAmphibian7 −  Unless your husband was planning on doing all the cooking, hosting, entertaining and taking care of the kids, NTA!! I would seriously probably leave my husband if he spoke to me like this or acted this way. You’re the one doing everything, if anything, you’re the man of the family now. You work, take care of the kids, run the house, you’re the one who has the authority. Not him. And he comes from a family who thinks the same stupid stuff.

I also probably would have carried on as life as usual and let him deal with the fallout of having to cook and entertain, as he gave you no notice and you have a job and a life. I’d show up home every day like a guest. Lol. Seriously this man and his family are raising your children with the same mentality. Consider whether you want your kids to be like them. If you want to continue to endure this wild behavior. You can walk away and leave him to it.

ClareSwinn −  Leave him for the love of God. Do you want to raise your kids with this man? Have them see him disrespect you like this? A written apology FFS, you are not his bloody staff.. NTA NTA NTA

jezabel3166 −  NTA- but your husband is AH. Wtf was he thinking? He needs to apologize to you.

Dense-Papaya −  made him look small and with no authority. Underminning his authority infront of his family. So he is straight up saying that he should have authority over you. I think there needs to be a larger discussion about expectations about your marriage and life in general.. NTA.

Southern_Hamster_338 −  You work full time, have a toddler, and you are pregnant. He expects you to not go to work which will impact your maternity leave with your new baby so that you can host 26 people for almost a week??? Nope! You did the right thing! No real man would have invited that many people without consulting his wife first.

No real man would expect his pregnant working wife to do all that! The only other thing you could have done was let him do everything on his own. He could do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning, and entertaining for you and his guests. Let him do everything while you rest in bed. What he did was wrong!

auntiepink −  NTA. Reinvite everyone and then take your kid to a hotel for the duration. He can entertain his family by himself if he thinks that’s so important.

[Reddit User] −  Info : did husband offer to handle hosting responsibilities?

LittleMtnMama −  NTA but you sure are married to one. Throw away the whole man.