AITA for refusing to sell my horse?

A woman is being pressured by her boyfriend to sell her beloved horse, Lady, a companion she’s had since childhood. Despite her commitment to their relationship, her boyfriend feels that she’s prioritizing her horse over him. She’s now at a crossroads, unsure if she’s being unreasonable for refusing to part with her lifelong friend. Read on to find out how this disagreement has escalated and whether she’s in the wrong.

‘ AITA for refusing to sell my horse?’

Me(24f) and my boyfriend (26) have been dating for around ~9 months. I’ve been riding horses since around four years old when I started taking lessons. When I was ten I started helping out this girl at the stable with her horse Lady. At 12 she told her she had to sell due to time/interest and asked if me and my parents wanted to buy Lady. Luckily for me, my parents were able to buy her and she’s been mine ever since. She’s my bestest friend and I love her a lot.

When I started to date my bf I was very honest with the fact that my horse takes a lot of time and he was fine with this. When single I could spend like three to four hours a day in the stable but as we started dating I cut this down. To about three hours every other day as this is roughly how long it takes for me to do all the cleaning/preparing food/riding. Also most of my friends are at the stable which obviously means this is also social for me.

The other days I would not ride and try to spend less time talking which would make it about an hour. After about six months he told me I spent too much time at the stable and I should prioritise my relationship more and somehow his family got involved and saying it was strange to prioritize the way I did. I wasn’t comfortable with this but I am a bit of a pushover so I agreed.

At first this meant cutting down time at the stable but it has evolved into cutting down riding days. Now I ride about two days a week and the rest I’m simply there to do the basics. All of this as quickly as I can because otherwise I know he’ll be annoyed and pissed of for days and give me the silent treatment. I know my horse isn’t really suffering from not being ridden as often as before but I still feel very guilty that I’m always rushing around her.

Then last night he told me it was time to sell Lady. I laughed at him and asked if he was serious. He was. I told him no and he said I needed to start prioritizing this relationship more and I said I’ve done nothing but prioritize this relationship. We argued about it and he apparently thinks I can just put her down as she’s old anyways.

I was furious at this and told him that was absolutely not happening and I would never sell her. He said that any reasonable person would sell or put down their horse in favor of their boyfriend and the only reason I wouldn’t is because I only hang out with other insane horse people. So I come to you, reasonable people of Reddit, AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

paniCynic −  NTA. Girl run. No good relationship should cut into who and what you are and your passions. A good relationship enhances and supports. Yes reasonable compromises are needed in any good relationship (and you’ve more than reasonably attempted to accommodate him) but not to the point that you are abandoning your entire sense of self, your passions, your responsibilities, your relationships (with your horse and stable friends). RUN.

He and his family want to control your time and priorities and are not considering you’re desires or life priorities at all. You’ve already compromised 9 months and it’s not enough. Spoiler: it’s never going to be enough. You are young. Find someone who appreciates your work and passions, and if even if they aren’t interested in actively Participating and learning about horses, at the very least supports you in your pursuits.

BakeHappy −  NTA. Ditch the boyfriend quick! Animals can be just as important as family and friends, he clearly doesn’t understand your relationship or attachment to Lady. It sounds like horses are likely to always be a part of your life or a big interest so do you really want someone in your life who doesn’t respect your interests? It sounds like he has no empathy and do you want to have the pressure from him and his family over other things (especially your future and big decisions).

LexiDiamond93 −  NTA, and tbh this sounds like a bad situation in the making. First it’s spend less time with the horse, then sell the horse or put her down, then when you move in together it’s quit your job and take care of the house, next thing you’re spending less and less time with your family and friends and you have no one left but them. I would definitely d**p the bf.. Edited for grammar.

FirrenJanne −  NTA. Leave now! He is trying to control and isolate you. Major red flag. This will escelate. Just the fakt that he gives you the silent treatment is a powermove to make you feel uneasy. A partner is absolutley alowed to say they are unhappy with the current situation, but they have to eccept your shoice without negative retorts or leave the partnership. You are your own person and you deside how mutch of your time goes to your boyfriend. Do not let him bully you to take your best friends life when you dont have to.

Striking_Description −  You are NTA and do not continue a relationship with someone who asks you to give up a harmless hobby that you’ve loved since before you knew them. Your partner needs to accept that you have interests besides them, and asking you to sell or kill (????) an animal that you love is not a good look on anyone.

viola1356 −  NTA. If it was really about spending time with you, he would come hang out at the stable.

lisab2266 −  NTA. Be careful. He sounds extremely controlling and the fact that he used his family to bully you does not bode well for your future with him.

Legitimate-Donut-714 −  NTA you’re not compatible if he makes you choose. He’s supposed to support the things that make you happy. Do yourself a favor and d**p him

machinehead332 −  NTA, if you were to cave to his unreasonable demand it would be a slippery slope in which he controls everything you do. First it would be no more horse, then no more friends, to not being allowed to spend time with your family because he will declare that he must be the priority over everything in your life.

This guy needs a slap, he is being needy and c**ngy. D**p him and find someone who appreciates your lifestyle – I don’t own a horse but even I know they take a lot of care and time! It’s not like owning a cat or a dog! You can’t just leave her on her own for most of the week! You told him at the start you had a commitment and he agreed to go along with it, he doesn’t get to change his mind now because he’s realised he’s jealous over the amount of time you spend with your beloved horse.