AITA for not accommodating my brother’s vegan fiancee?

A Reddit user (presumably 20s-30s) shares their frustration after preparing a vegan-friendly dinner for a small family gathering, only to have their brother’s fiancée complain about the meal despite the food being entirely vegan. The user made sure to accommodate the fiancée’s dietary restrictions but was criticized for small details like the type of bread,

oil used, and pasta not being whole wheat. The fiancée chose not to eat and went home hungry. The user later responded harshly to their brother’s text, leading to a rift in the family. The user is now questioning if they were in the wrong for their reaction.

‘ AITA for not accommodating my brother’s vegan fiancee?’

Full disclosure, I do eat meat, eggs, and dairy. That being said I’m lazy and prepping and cooking meat takes more work than I’m willing to do a lot of the time, so I’ve built up a pretty okay repertoire of vegetarian and vegan meals. That’s why I volunteered to cook last night for a small family dinner even though I would normally never.

Love my mom to bits but if the first step isn’t browning a pound of ground beef, she’s a little lost on what to make. This is all a thing because my brother has recently gotten engaged to a vegan woman. None of us have really spent a lot of time with her due to pandemics and generally having our own lives.

The time I have spent with her has been perfectly nice. I’d thought this would also be perfectly nice. So I did my best. I put together a dijon vinaigrette salad, pasta tossed with roasted asparagus and cherry tomatoes, and because this is America where carb on carb doesn’t have to be just a dream,

some bread I f**king vetted to make sure it didn’t have milk or eggs in it. She could eat every single thing served. At least I thought so. We sit down, plates are dished, she has questions. Whatever, fair enough. I can imagine that she’s been in situations where things seemed safe to eat but surprise,

there’s honey in the salad dressing or something. Reassurances are made, I did my homework but…she has other complaints. You roasted the veggies in olive oil? There’s olive oil in the salad dressing? The pasta isn’t whole wheat? This is white bread? Yes. Vegan, all of it, but not stripped down to as few calories as possible.

Anddddd now she won’t eat, just sat there and tore one of the rolls up into tiny pieces until the table was cleared. My brother texted me later that night about how fucked up it was that she had to go home hungry, and this is where I may be the a**hole.

I replied something in the effect of saying I thought I had to cook to accommodate veganism, not an eating disorder. He told me to go f**k myself, which again, fair. Now I imagine a cold war is brewing and mom is inevitably going to get sucked in. I also could have tried to make something healthier, though I don’t think what was served was that bad. AITA?

Here’s the comments of Reddit users:

EvasiveFriend −  NTA. It’s seems rude that you cooked a vegan dinner and she didn’t eat any of it. What is the problem with olive oil?

Maximum_System_7819 −  You’re NTA. His gf is out of line for going to a dinner without bringing her own food or explaining her dietary preferences ahead of time. They obviously should have hosted. Your brother is way way way out of line for not reaching out to apologize to you for how the dinner went down.

Sure, your quip was irreverent but it was right and you didn’t say it until your brother came at your like you did something wrong by cooking an entire vegan dinner to accommodate his boo.

Apprehensive_Sand_77 −  NTA You DID accommodate her, you knew she had ONE dietary restriction (i.e. veganism) and you cooked **everything** vegan. Not just vegan options, EVERYTHING was vegan friendly. That’s next level accommodation if you ask me.

For the record, I’m a vegetarian and I’m used to bringing my own food or sticking to the salads available, I’ve never been to a non-vegetarian household where they make only vegetarian food to accommodate me (nor do I expect them to) and if it were me I’d be thanking you for days. That’s a really nice thing to do.

Now, she has some other dietary restrictions that she didn’t tell you about, and then apparently you’re the AH for not reading minds and just knowing without nobody telling you that she has some other “requirements” for food. Like how does that even make sense to your brother?

If I were you I’d be super passive aggressive and say something along the lines of “I’m so sorry I haven’t upgraded my seer abilities yet and thus was unable to just guess your gf’s food restrictions.

I will let you know when I’m a full-on psychic so I can have all the information without anyone telling me, and then you’ll be welcome in my house again”. NTA NTA NTA NTA. Your gf is the biggest AH and your brother for enabling her and snapping at you when you were nothing but perfectly nice.

coconutandpotato −  NTA I think it’s highly likely she does have a eating disorder. If she’s a picky eater she should have told you before dinner or bring her own food.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. God, does she act that entitled everywhere she goes? You cooked a vegan meal, how were you to know the specifics of what she eats outside of veganism (because she’s clearly just being picky). Shame on you for not using your crystal ball that day.

Granted your response wasn’t polite (but still great IMO), but there was no need for their dramatics. She didn’t HAVE to go home hungry. She CHOSE to.

daydream128 −  NTA. Your brother and his fiancée are though. Your food sounds great. I’m a vegetarian and I’m always very grateful whenever anybody makes the effort to accommodate to me. I’d never turn my nose up at the dinner someone else has taken the time to cook for me.

I detest brocoli with a passion, and have even forced myself to eat it before so that I don’t appear rude.

Quantum_Pussy −  oil? There’s olive oil in the salad dressing Wtf is wrong with olive oil? It”s a healthy oil high monounsaturated fats which are good for your heart aren’t they. This girlfriend is a nightmare. NTA. You, and your mother, need to sfandbery firm on this one. You will not be cooking for her ever again.

LuvMeLongThyme −  Oh my god! Your response was on point-never cook for her again if she stays a part of your brothers life, (not that she will ever allow you to). Your meal sounded amazing , I would think the vast majority of vegans would have been absolutely delighted with what you served.

There is a reason that-(tongue in cheek), bon appetit magazine replied-what do you make for vegetarians? You make reservations. NTA

[Reddit User] −  NTA. The brother’s partner obviously is (but not because of her veganism, that’s irrelevant) She’s TA because she was rude and overly demanding expecting a home cooked meal to be made with as few calories as possible. Did she even thank you for the effort of making a meal even if she decided she ‘couldn’t’ eat it?

Your brother is also TA. Saying his partner had to go hungry is just utterly ridiculous. It’s laughable. You made her a nice meal. She could have eaten it. It’s not like the meal you made went against her morals (which would be the case if you cooked her something non vegan) She just didn’t want to eat it. That’s not your fault whatsoever.

user9764213689 −  As someone who is vegan, you did a fantastic job you are NTA! I feel so special and filled with gratitude when anyone tries to cook vegan for me, but in these social settings where I know the majority being fed may not be vegan I always opt to cook for myself and bring a dish for anyone to try.

And that way I know what’s in it etc. Just to even the playing field maybe just make a mends in a way that you can ask her to bring a dish next time and maybe leave the recipe behind? So you know what to cook for her and she can’t complain. That way no one can really say you’re “not trying”

Always kill them with kindness and hey, revenge is a dish best served cold 🥳 Just know you don’t deserve to be portrayed as someone who didn’t try.