AITA for abandoning my daughter on vacation?

A Reddit user shared their story about planning a special 40th anniversary trip with their wife, but when their daughter Jane and her family invited themselves, the couple reluctantly agreed.

As the trip approached, the user decided to change the plans at the last minute to go to a romantic destination instead, leaving Jane and her family behind. The daughter is now upset, and the user is torn about whether they should apologize. Read the full story for more details.

‘ AITA for abandoning my daughter on vacation?’

My wife and I have always dreamed of celebrating our 40th anniversary with a luxurious vacation. Just the two of us, reliving the romance of our early years. We had it all planned out for years now and were excited beyond words.. Enter our adult daughter Jane.

Jane and her husband got wind of our plans and promptly invited themselves and their two children (9F, 5M) along. I originally put my foot down and told them this trip was just for us which upset her some. But my wife has a hard time saying no to Jane, as she is the youngest of our children and our only daughter,

and she didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so she reluctantly agreed to let them join.. I wasn’t thrilled about it at the time, but I wanted to make my family happy, and I knew my wife was also okay with the idea of a “family” trip even if she was heartbroken we wouldn’t get our romantic trip. We went along with it.

The place we were originally going was not child friendly so we changed course and decided on an all inclusive family friendly resort. We paid for the resort and our grandchildren’s plane tickets. Jane and her husband only had to pay for their own airfare.. Here’s where things get complicated.

As the vacation got closer, I started having a change of heart. I realized that our 40th anniversary was a once-in-a-lifetime milestone, and I wanted to honor it in a way that was true to our original plans. My wife and I might not be able to afford a trip like this again for quite some time and it’s something we always wanted to do..

So, without consulting anyone, I switched our tickets last minute to go to the romantic destination that my wife and I had originally planned for. I did not tell Jane or her husband. I didn’t even tell my wife until the day before our flight left, which was a day before Jane’s flight left for their vacation..

It wasn’t an easy decision and I feel guilty about it. But I wanted our 40th anniversary to be the special, intimate celebration we had always hoped for.. We called Jane after we landed to tell her and she was extremely upset to say the least.

She seemed of the idea that we were going to look after our grandkids so she and her husband could have alone time and now that I abandoned her they would have to do it all themselves. I hung up on them when my son in law started shouting and my wife and I enjoyed the rest of our trip..

They came back the same day we did but have not answered any of our texts and Jane seems to be ignoring me. My wife told me she vastly preferred our trip to the family trip we would have taken but she still doesn’t like how Jane is mad at us and wants me to apologize.

I’m not sure I want to after learning Jane and her husband were using us for free babysitting and a free trip but I feel like I should just to keep the peace.. Am I the a**hole for changing our trip destination last minute and leaving Jane and her family to fend for themselves?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

[Reddit User] −  NTA What part of the 40th Anniversary trip did your daughter and son-in-law not understand? Oh, boo-freaking-hoo, they wanted to spend time alone and designated the grandparents to babysit on what should have been their special trip.

If your daughter and son in law wanted alone time on a trip, they could have gone on a different trip and politely asked you and your wife to watch the kids while they were away. Not try and hijack your trip! Do not feel guilty OP. Not even for a second.

You and your wife have done the parenting of your kids and now it’s time to start enjoying life as a couple again. Sure, you’re parents and grandparents but you’re still a couple and deserve to enjoy falling in love with each other all over again with romantic trips that **DO NOT** include your offspring or grandkids.

Your daughter needs a swift kick of reality right in the tookus. She had the audacity to invite her family to your romantic weekend with the express purpose of securing babysitters so SHE could enjoy herself without any thought for her parents. The entitlement is mind boggling.

w3woody −  Sorry but I have to go ESH. I mean, clearly Jane was the a**hole, inviting herself, her husband and her two kids along on what was supposed to be a milestone anniversary vacation. And this part makes me absolutely f**king cringe:

She seemed of the idea that we were going to look after our grandkids so she and her husband could have alone time and now that I abandoned her they would have to do it all themselves. I hung up on them when my son in law started shouting…

You raised an entitled b**t, though sometimes how kids turn out has little to do with their parents.. But on the other hand: So, without consulting anyone, I switched our tickets last minute to go to the romantic destination that my wife and I had originally planned for. **I didn’t not tell Jane or her husband.

I didn’t even tell my wife until the day before our flight left,** … It wasn’t an easy decision and I feel guilty about it. That guilt? Yeah, that’s you knowing the answer to your question “Am I the a**hole?” Now, let’s be clear: sometimes we have to be the a**hole.

Sometimes we have to take action without telling anyone or without being above board. Sometimes we have to spring a surprise on someone who was completely unsuspecting. But that doesn’t mean we’re not assholes for doing it.

Rather than put your foot down and set boundaries, you kinda took the chicken s**t way out of not telling anyone until it was too late for anyone to do anything about it. And honestly, I’m cheering you on for doing it.. But it is an a**hole move.

No_Initiative_8480 −  NTA you essentially paid for her holiday, if you then go elsewhere then thats up to you – uou have no obligation to tell her or check with her first. She has no right to expect you to be her babysitter on your 40 year wedding anniversary trip!! Jane needs to check her entitlement,

funny how she wanted time with her husband without the kids but didn’t think you and your wife would want that on such a special occasion. Thing she doesnt understand or take into account either is i am sure that over those 40 years and with 3 children you and your wife will have already made compromises and put your kids before you (you sound like the kind of amazing parents that would).

Its now time for her to give back and make sure you and your wife get to enjoy some of those things you have missed out on. So NTA and im glad you and your wife enjoyed yourselves xxx happy anniversary 🍾🥂

atealein −  NTA and your daughter flat out admitting she was planning to have you two be on babysitting duties during YOUR ANNIVERSARY vacation so her and her husband can get some alone time is so extremely selfish that might almost feel like parental fail.

You have catered to her needs seems a bit too much and she has gotten the idea that YOUR world revolves mainly around her (maybe because she is your youngest?) but she is adult person in a relationship with kids now so should understand quickly you have your own relationship and life outside being her parent.

You did the smart thing, OP. If I were in your place, I’d leave the reach out to Jane to see when she will try to contact you. Communicate all this with your wife too. It is unfair what they had planned for your vacation and especially when they knew you wanted alone time. You paid for their kids holiday too, so you are entirely guilt-free about changing your plans.

jeepmandanSC −  NTA I laughed my b**t off when I read you switched back to the romantic vacation! Good for you (and your bride of 40-yrs!). Your daughter & SIL are entitled AH’s. I glad the truth came out that they wanted you to be childcare for their “vacation”. I just can’t believe the nerve of some people.

Congratulations on your 40th! You deserved the holiday of your dreams, not your entitled child’s dream ( your nightmare)

changelingcd −  ESH. Yes, you should have been firm initially, but you caved in. So then sneaking around and changing all the plans without telling your daughter–or even asking your wife–was absurd. Now everyone’s angry and upset.

Gargantuan_Plant −  NTA She tried to turn your romantic anniversary getaway into their free romantic getaway plus free babysitters. She can go think about what kind of crappy behavior that was.. Nice move!

RaineMist −  NTA. Forget the ESH and YTA verdicts. Your daughter and husband invited themselves on your anniversary trip in order to get alone time. Using the both of you as babysitters on your anniversary is selfish. If they want alone time, they could’ve planned their own vacation and not leech off of you and your wife.

DueIsland2983 −  ESH Jane and husband s**k the most for attempting to hijack your anniversary trip as a family get together in which they’d use you as free babysitting.
Your wife for siding with Jane rather than standing up with you for the romantic couples vacation that you’d envisioned and desired.

And, finally, you s**k for telling everyone you were doing one thing and at the last minute unilaterally pulling the rug out from under them and not conferring with anyone – including your wife. If the answer to Jane was “no” that’s fine, but own it and say “no” rather than pull a bait-and-switch trick at the last minute.. You all deserver eachother.

Powerful_Pie_7924 −  Nta and here what you tell your daughter “ sweetheart I’m SO sorry that you barged in on my and your mother’s anniversary trip and guilt us into PAYING for you and your husband and kids to come along for FREE

and I’m sorry that instead of you forcing us to babysit YOUR kids on a vacation the I PAID for you had to actually be a parent while your mother and I enjoyed our anniversary together ALONE like was originally planned. I’m just soooooooooooo sorry you’re upset that you got a free vacation.” End apology