AITA for telling my mom I’m not making her choose because I’m happy to be left out
A Redditor shared a painful situation with her family after discovering her sister and husband were having an affair. Despite her mother’s attempts to reunite the family, the Redditor made it clear that she will not reconcile with her sister or ex-husband, even if it means being excluded from family events. Her mother believes she is being unfair by asking her to choose, but the Redditor insists that she is happy to remain out of the family dynamic. Read the full story below to determine if she’s in the wrong.
‘ AITA for telling my mom I’m not making her choose because I’m happy to be left out’
I’m (26f) recently divorced after learning my sister (27f) and husband were having an affair. I cut my sister off the day I found out. We have not spoken since, we have not been in the same room for more than ten seconds and I will not have a relationship with her moving forward.
This year has been rough and Covid made some things easier regarding there was no visiting family so the pressure was gone. But recently my mom wanted to have a family dinner again and I told her I would not go because I did not want to be in my sisters presence.
She told me I can’t avoid her forever, she’s my sister and we share family. I told her I can and I will. Her response was telling me I am being unfair making her choose between us and I said I’m not making her choose because I’m fine not being invited, I know my stance means I will end up being excluded.
But I will not play nice with her and my ex. Especially now that they are getting married too. We’re never going to play happy families. I don’t want to be civil to them. So I would rather not have anything to do with them. And they will never have anything to do with me again. My mom thinks I’m being very unfair.. AITA?
Edited to add since this was asked: My dad died 9 years ago.
Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:
hestang − NTA – your sister and husband clearly didn’t think having an affair was unfair to you no one should expect you to make nice.
Angelofhappiness − I’m sorry this happened to you OP – you are most certainly NTA. This was a huge betrayal of your sister and ex-husband, you seem to be handling it maturely and are not making your mum choose. Tbh, within reason, I would argue that anyone who puts you in a difficult position because of the way you are managing your situation is TA.
Pain-n-stryife − NTA. Umm wtf?? Your being unfair as your sister sits there across the table with your ex-husband?? I feel like she’s already picking favorites cause dafuq
PerfectChemical − Nta, your family sucks.
Admirable_Mud_7423 − NTA. Damn, I can’t even imagine why your mother thought that was acceptable to ask in the first place. I hope you have some people who can support you and understand how betrayed you must feel during these upcoming holidays.
TheUltradianCyclist − She told me I can’t avoid her forever, she’s my sister and we share family. Rubbish. I haven’t had any contact with my sister for about 15 years now and my ONLY regret is not doing it sooner.. NTA
ProudBoomer − NTA. Maybe you could ask your Mom if she really wants you to show up and tell those two what you really think of them?
tuttipeachyfrutti − They are getting married?! Holy s**t. You are just putting up with so much, i honestly don’t know how you are dealing so well! How long were you married, how long were they cheating, and was it a complete surprise, or did you have a feeling he was up to something? I’m super sorry you’re having to go through this, and no one is trying to understand it from your PoV – if you need to talk, PM, happy to listen.. X
[Reddit User] − Nta. I’m shocked that your mum is even talking to either of them. What a betrayal!
MsRenee2020 − I’m a mother to 2 wonderful women. I honestly wouldn’t even consider asking a wronged daughter be in the same room much less a family dinner. And their getting married on top of it? Nope. I am so sorry your mom is choosing your sister and your ex. NTA
Do you think the Redditor’s decision to distance herself from her sister and ex-husband is justified, or should she have made more of an effort to keep the family together for the sake of her mother? How would you handle a similar situation where betrayal and family expectations collide? Share your thoughts below!