AITA for leaving my husband at home, while I spend the week at my brothers, because of how he “buys” groceries?

A Reddit user shared their frustration with their husband, who regularly visits food banks despite their financial stability. The husband insists on taking food meant for those in need, leading to arguments, especially when much of the food goes to waste. After discovering yet another haul from a food bank,

the user decided to spend a week at their brother’s house to clear their mind. This decision has caused tension, with the husband accusing the user of overreacting and his family criticizing her for leaving. Read the full story below for more context.

‘ AITA for leaving my husband at home, while I spend the week at my brothers, because of how he “buys” groceries?’

I’ve been in a committed relationship with my husband for 17 years, and overall, things have been great. We’ve had a few rough patches, but what’s important to note is that while he earns more than me and is considered the main provider, I have a substantial trust fund that ensures we’re financially stable.

I work part-time as a teacher while attending university, earning less than him, and most of my income goes towards tuition. Our household income exceeds $200k annually, while the average in our area is below $50k. One ongoing issue we have is my husband’s frugality.

He likes to control my spending and have the final say on how he uses his earnings. It’s worth mentioning that I’ve never used any of his income and have no intention to do so. However, the main point of contention between us is his frequent visits to food banks.

Despite having more than enough food at home, he insists on going to food banks to save money. He intentionally looks disheveled and uses our beat-up car to blend in, even though he’s never experienced food scarcity. I’ve explained to him the need for food donations in our community,

even showing him social media posts from local food banks, but he remains indifferent. I suggested he volunteer or donate to gain firsthand experience, but he refuses. The unfortunate part is that since we’re never short on food, most of what he brings home ends up getting thrown away.

Today, I discovered our fridge filled with fresh produce and meat that clearly didn’t come from our regular grocery store. When I confronted him, he admitted to going to a food bank after seeing a Facebook post about a donation of fresh food. People on social media were already asking if any was left, and there wasn’t.

I showed him these comments, but he brushed them off, claiming people should have gone earlier. Exhausted by the situation, I packed a bag and went to stay with my brother for the weekend, asking for space to think things over. My husband accuses me of overreacting, being vindictive,

and threatens to go back to the food banks regardless of my feelings. His family is also messaging me, calling me an a**hole and urging me to stop interfering with his choices. I turned off my phone, but now they’re bombarding my brother with messages. Thankfully, he supports my decision and ignores them.

All I want is to enjoy the rest of my week without being angry at my husband. Yes, I could let this go and not scold him, but the food he takes could have gone to people who truly need it. I’m not leaving my husband, but I need a few days away to gain some clarity. Am I wrong for wanting this space?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Few-School-3869 −  NTA. This is completely unhinged. A man making 200k while married to a woman with a trust fund going to a food bank is unacceptable. I couldn’t live like that, and I also couldn’t live with someone controlling how the money was spent. You are absolutely not wrong to want space. I would want permanent space

twelvedayslate −  NTA X1000. Your husband is stealing from people that are less fortunate. I’m frugal, too, and I like to save money where I can. I use coupons, buy store brand vs name brand for some products, etc. What your husband is doing isn’t frugality, it’s being a s**tty person.

I would go to the food bank with his photo and speak to the person in charge. Tell them you’re very sorry your husband has been coming, but you want to let them know he is *not* in need of a food bank. If possible, I’d offer to make a charitable donation to cover the food he has taken from them.

I don’t know if they can outright refuse him or not, but it’s worth a shot. They should be aware. For you: you say he likes to control how you spend money. He sounds financially abusive. Please consider making that week away from him permanent. ETA: do you have access to his finances? This may be an overreaction, but I’d be worried he’s committing welfare fraud, as well.

wakandanvibranium −  I cannot conceive the level of entitlement here. That food is designated for people who literally cannot afford to fill their bellies and the bellies of their families. My family needed those donations when I was young, and as soon as my parents started doing well financially they started giving back as much as possible.

It makes me sick to think of someone dressing in dirty clothes and conning food out of the bellies of people that genuinely need it. YOU ARE MARRIED TO A CON MAN. How does he not see how disgusting this is? I am seriously concerned that his response to you trying to reason with him is to say he’s going to go to MORE food banks.

What a vindictive and gross response, considering you have thrown food away due to having too much. My response would be: “fine, you’re doing this to save money? For every food bank you visit I will go to the grocery store and spend no less than $500 on groceries which I will immediately donate to food banks.

Since you don’t care about my opinion on your saving habits, you will have no say on how I spend either.”. F**k that dude. NTA Edit: I agree with commenters saying you could just give the money directly to the food banks – it does go farther that way.

The petty part of me likes the image of bringing in piles of food, putting it on the counter, and then taking it to the food bank. More of a visual for him to see that “this food is for someone else, not you.” I worry that money leaving her account won’t be much of a detterant for him, though it could certainly alleviate her guilt while she’s eating someone else’s food.

twentyminutestosleep −  girl, why the f**k have you spent close to two decades with someone who tries to control your spending and literally steals from people who can’t afford groceries? I don’t care that “anyone” can go to the food bank. if you’re bringing home 200k a year and get your groceries from a food bank,

you’re stealing food from people who need the charity. NTA and please oh my god divorce him yesterday

ceruleansins07 −  As someone who has had to rely on food banks in the past, NTA. Holy s**t OP. Leave your husband. Maybe report him to the local food banks as someone who abuses them when his income clearly proves he doesn’t need it.

ellisoph −  YTA because you’re not leaving him. Cool, get off the subreddit then, the f**k do you want us to say?

[Reddit User] −  NTA do me a favor tho, take his photo and put it on next door – he’s stealing from food insecure individuals and should be publicly shamed for it.

riri0301 −  “I’m not leaving my husband…”- why not? The man’s clearly insane. And honestly, I don’t know how good of a person you are, staying with a man like this for 17 years.. Edited to add. YTA for not telling the food bank to ban him, ever. Did you ever replace the food he took? Did you donate anything yourself?

slendermanismydad −  Despite having more than enough food at home, he insists on going to food banks to save money. I am **livid**. No. That is disgusting. You have a huge trust fund and make $200K a year in a $50K average area. Divorce him. The unfortunate part is that since we’re never short on food, most of what he brings home ends up getting thrown away.

Ugh. I’m really angry rn. Stop letting the food spoiling your house! Take it all back! You also need to make an apology donation to them. I’m happy for you that you have a trust fund but at this point if you don’t report him, and make good, you’re abetting him.. I’m not leaving my husband. Stares at you Get him banned from the food bank. Immediately.

km-messedup −  NTA. From the title I thought husband was buying too many bananas or something. He morally and maybe legally commits fraud, then doubles down, *then* has the family blow up *your brother’s* phone?