AITA for making my chronically late friend miss her seminar?

A Reddit user shared their experience with a chronically late friend who asked for a ride to a crucial PhD seminar. Despite agreeing to pick her up at a specific time and warning her about punctuality, the friend wasn’t ready when the user arrived. Frustrated, the user left after waiting a minute and refused to return,

even after the friend called in distress, explaining the seminar’s importance. While the user felt justified in teaching their friend a lesson about punctuality, they are now questioning if they were too harsh. Read the full story below for more details and context.

‘ AITA for making my chronically late friend miss her seminar?’

My friend [25F] is constantly late for everything. Be it work-related or fun activities, she will always be at least 15-20 minute late. She does not have a car, and so oftentimes I [25M] will pick her up from her house (I work at a university and she is a PhD student there, and her place is along the way for me).

Last time I offered her a ride to work, she ended up being 20 minutes late after I’ve already arrived at her place. Because of that, I ended up being late for work. She is always very apologetic about her lateness, but never changes. This week she was supposed to give a seminar at the university which is a crucial part of her PhD program.

She asked me if I could give her a ride to work that day. I told her sure, but that I was picking her up at 8 AM and she must be there exactly at 8 AM, and not a minute later. She chuckled, but I told her I wasn’t joking, and she promised that she will be there. The morning of her seminar, I drove to her place and got there at 7:55,

and texted her that I was here, and she told me should would be out in “just a minute”. At 8:00, there was no indication that she would come out (and she didn’t text anything), so at 8:01, I drove off. At around 8:20, she called me asking me where I was. I told her I was at work and that I wasn’t joking when I told her that she had to be ready right that minute.

She started screaming and crying over the phone, and told me that she was having a hard time that morning couldn’t be ready right at 8 AM. She then begged me to come back to pick up her, as her seminar is at 9 AM and she needed to be at the school before then.

I could’ve done it quick enough to pick her up and drop her off without affecting my work, but I decided I didn’t want to do that, and told her that I won’t. She was crying and hyperventilating at that point and said she’d promise to never be late for anything else again,

and reemphasized that this seminar was crucial for her PhD and that she absolutely cannot miss it without severe consequence. I responded “oh well”, and hung up. I then went about my day at work normally.

I feel like could’ve went back and picked her up in this scenario since it wouldn’t have been detrimental to me and at the same time this was something very important for her. On the other hand, I feel like this should be a wake-up call for her chronic lateness.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

WhizzoButterBoy −  NTA. You warned her. She also had 40 minutes to make other arrangements even after all her procrastination. Could you have been kinder? Yes. Could you have reminded her about your time restrictions? Yes Could you have given her a “final notice” with an “I’m going to drive away at 8:00”. Yes

Is it RUDE AF to be continuously late? Hell Yes. Is she an adult? Yes Is it your problem to manage her time? No. Still NTA Edit: Wow, thank you for the awards ! I’m truly humbled by your appreciation! Thank you

j_j_footy −  When you said you left at 8:01 I was thinking AH, but when she didn’t call you until 8:20 I laughed and thought oh no definitely NTA. your friend needs to learn that punctuality in the professional world is important. Also her chronic lateness should not be affecting you getting to work on time.

TheBabeFroman −  NTA. Why didn’t she just call an Uber or taxi? If it was that important, she had other options available to her.

Straight-Singer-2912 −  NTA. I had a friend like this. I was left at the movies, restaurants, train stations – she was NEVER EVER on time, always apologetic, etc. etc.
Finally I just started leaving after 15 minutes (which even that seemed like a long time when you’re waiting at a restaurant).

I was also told after I left the first time *”I’ll never be late again, I promise*”. But she was. And then the friendship faded away. Which was OK by me, my stomach was always in knots and I was ALWAYS frustrated and angry by the time she showed up that I finally realized I wasn’t enjoying myself.

Clearly your friend showed up at 8:20 and expected you to idly wait for her like her chauffeur. It is so disrespectful of your time. Frankly, I’d be OK with not having this “friend”.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, and I will DIE ON THIS HILL. Chronically late people drive me absolutely insane. It’s inconsiderate as f**k, and when you finally put your foot down and have boundaries, YOU are the a**hole instead of them. Nope.

RememberingTiger1 −  NTA. I mean, I feel for her missing such an important event. But hey … if it was that important she should have been ready early, not just on time. And her “minute” was actually 20. You could have picked a less painful time to do this but I honestly think it would have continued until you ended up doing this at another crucial event for her.

Muswell42 −  NTA. If someone’s a PhD candidate, that person is capable of setting an alarm, and should know the importance of time management. It’s not as if you didn’t warn her.

ChakraMama318 −  NTA- welcome to your new shiny spine. Personally, I hate mornings. They can all die in a fire. My body hurts, my brain is in a fog. I can’t think. It sucks. You know what sucks worse? Being fired for constant tardiness.

Your friend needs to figure her s**t out. At 25 this is a MAJOR adulting/survival skill she is missing and you are not doing her any favors by driving her. You are just going to get yourself in trouble by being distracted by her.

Bigtomhead −  If the PhD was really that important to her, she should have been ready on time. NTA

CochinNbrahma −  Sometimes I wonder about these posts. Does it really matter if you were the AH or not? Are you gonna show this post to your friend and go “well everyone on Reddit agrees with me, so you have to get over it!” Your friendship with her is effectively ruined.

Don’t get me wrong, I find it hilarious. I spent last summer working with someone like this (but worse), and she almost made me miss my flight because of her tardiness. But like, sometimes it doesn’t matter if you’re the AH. Sometimes it just matters if you want to keep being friends with someone.