AITA for rejecting the role of “cool aunt” because it was really more like unpaid babysitter?

A Reddit user shares their experience of feeling sidelined in their family due to different interests and values. After moving back closer to home, their sister excitedly made plans—not to reconnect but for the user to babysit her kids so she could relax. Hurt by the assumption and the lack of effort to bond, the user declined, leading to a family feud over whether they were being unreasonable. Were they justified in setting boundaries, or did they take it too personally? Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for rejecting the role of “cool aunt” because it was really more like unpaid babysitter?’

My sister and I have always been very different. Growing up, she was your stereotypical nerdy/geeky girl. Very into sci-fi/fantasy, video games, etc. She bonded a lot with my parents over it, because they are the same. I always felt kind of “different” from the others because I’m not very “geeky” and while I did my best to fit in (Star Wars movies, Harry Potter, etc), I took my first opportunity to leave the area for school. I went to FIT and got a degree in fashion design.

I always loved making my own clothes. To frame it one way… I made my prom dress from my own pattern, and my family smiled politely. My sister threw together a Harry Potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls. Well, sis had kids a while back. I sent polite gifts, including a quilt to be handed down. Sis received them warmly, but I found out she doesn’t use the quilt because the room is “Harry Potter” themed.

Due to COVID, I ended up moving back closer to home into a condo I’d been renting out (tenants were not evicted or anything). Once Sis found out, she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans. I was thrilled because I thought she wanted to spend more time with me.

Except the plans were like… I take the kids to the zoo, I take them to the park, I take them for ice cream, the aquarium, etc, so Sis can have some time to herself and relax, play video games, etc. I inquired about when she and I would spend time together, and she actually said “It’s not like we have anything in common we can do together.”

I was really hurt by this, and declined her requests for me to basically babysit her kids. She asked me why, and didn’t I want to be the Cool Aunt, and this is where I think I’m the a**hole. I said “I don’t know, it’s not like I have anything in common with them that we can do together. Sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter.”

She was shocked and went stomping to Mom and Dad, who immediately took her side and told me that I should be thankful to spend time with the kids. I said why, it’s not like anyone in the family has *ever* made it a point to spend time with me doing something *I’d* enjoy. She told me that if I’d tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of “chasing popularity and doing my nails” maybe I would have more in common with them.

I’m lost now, because on the one hand, I don’t think I was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister. But maybe my Mom is right and I’ve been a s**tty member of the family because I couldn’t just get into Star Wars and all that.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

ExactingRook2822 −  NTA – Never the arsehole. Your sister is an entitled b**t and your parents clearly play favourites. Just because you’re into fashion doesn’t mean you chase popularity, in the same way that being a g**k doesn’t stop you from being a b**t who craves attention from mummy and daddy.

You stood your ground and voiced your emotions about how you felt about how they treated you, and their response was “We didn’t try and make an effort with you because you’re interests didn’t match up with ours” Not only does your sister need a reality check, but your parents need to take a good hard look at themselves [EDIT] – Thank you for the awards kind strangers 🙂

marbal05 −  NTA- and your family is pretty toxic. Also what your mom said is pretty m**ipulative. She’s gonna blame you for her lack of being a decent parent? Yeah no. You don’t owe anyone free babysitting. Especially the way your sister talked to you.

5115E −  NTA Your sister never had any interest in you before and now she wants to take advantage of you. She told me that if I’d tried harder to be more like there rest of them. The answer to your mom is that if she had tried harder to appreciate the differences between her daughters, there would probably have been a different outcome. Don’t fight with these people. You’re successful with like-minded people, leave them to their alternate universe.

jhercules −  NTA. Your sister does want an unpaid babysitter. My sister is the same way. She and your parents are g**lighting you into agreeing.

SeethingHeathen −  NTA. Your family is ridiculous. Oh, you don’t want to be a clone? Well, no love for you then.

[Reddit User] −  NTA – I have kids and would much rather pay someone else to watch them while I spent time with my siblings than have my siblings watch them. She is obviously trying to use you in this situation. Also, just because you have different interests from them doesn’t mean your interests are any less valid than theirs. You’re allowed to love the things you love. I’m sorry your family has been so uncaring and selfish. By the way, you could always use malicious compliance and induct her kids into all things fashion. That would be hilarious.

SoSayWeAllx −  NTA if your sister wanted you to be the “cool aunt” she would’ve said, “I’d love for you and the kids to bond and spend time together” not “if love for you to take the kids so I don’t have to have them”. That’s babysitting. And I bet she wouldn’t have paid for the activities.

Your parents play favorites, and gaslight you. Where does it say that to have a meaningful relationship with your child, they have to like what you like? When it’s as easy as saying “hey we want to dress as these characters, would you like to help us make the costumes?” Or “Can you show me how to sew?” I don’t begrudge your response because you went with good intentions, but your sister had expectations for herself.

Jukkobee −  I was on the fence until I read. She told me that if I’d tried harder to be more like there rest of them, instead of “chasing popularity and doing my nails” maybe I would have more in common with them. Definitely NTA. They’re getting mad at you for not being like them. They’re calling you vain for liking fashion. They’re not hanging out with you and not taking your side just because you have different interests. That’s unfair.

MadronaPDX −  NTA. My brother totally stopped even responding to my texts and calls inviting him to get coffee or lunch once he realized I like his kids and will hang with them as a “babysitter” when needed. Five solid years of only hearing from my brother when he needed a babysitter and him ducking out to sleep or play video games during family trips for the last decade if it looked at all like I could see his son made me realize he has no respect for me.

Being the cool auntie IS super fun, but feeling rejected by your family because they can’t be bothered to get to know the “different” sibling really stings. It’s good you can see the situation for what it is and express your boundaries clearly.
Congratulations on your FIT education! Fashion and apparel design are not easy and require both talent and dedication. Your sister needs to read a different book.

Karl_Pron −  NTA, with a suggestion: how about you offer to let the kids into *your* world, like talk with the niece (if there’s one) about clothes and teach her clothes design or sewing? There’s a lot of resentment towards you from the whole family. They can f**k off.