AITA for refusing to cook meat when my husband broke our (lonely) daughter’s only friendship because he hates vegans?

A Redditor is caught in a conflict with her husband over their daughter’s friendship with a vegan child. The daughter, who has several allergies and intolerances, made a new friend at a vegan family’s home, where she was able to enjoy a birthday party without worry. When the husband found out, he expressed his disdain for the vegan family, calling them “hippies,” and his anger escalated.

The Redditor, upset by her husband’s behavior, decided to refuse cooking meat until he apologized to the family for his actions. The husband is not pleased, and the Redditor is now wondering if she made the right decision. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to cook meat when my husband broke our (lonely) daughter’s only friendship because he hates vegans?’

obligatory throwaway because I don’t want angry vegans in my inbox.My husband is from the south and let me just say this, he hates vegans. His family is a stereotypical country one and they get ridiculously mad when they see beyond meat etc adverts on the tv.

They’re practically vegan phobic and hate any menu which says suitable for vegetarians or vegans etc. This never really bothered me and I thought it was funny because I ate meat and I didnt think it was a big deal.

My daughter (now6) was born allergic to a lot of things, like eggs and is also intolerant to lactose and grass, pollen etc. She rarely got to go to birthday parties because we couldn’t let her eat anything there. when she was a baby my husband ate an egg sandwich and kissed her and she broke out in hives and we had to take her to the doctor. All new foods were tried under medical supervision.

While she can eat meat she can’t eat any fun meat like nuggets because of egg contact. One of the kids she recently met with is our new Neighbour who is around four houses away. They are completely vegan and their son doesn’t eat anything they don’t. So at his birthday she could eat the actual cake and not a muffin I’d sent.

It cheered her up and they had play dates even when we weren’t supposed to. I was glad she made a friend. His parents hadn’t called for a while and didn’t pick up ours. When I saw his dad while I was out I was like ‘hey what’s wrong‘ and he was really hostile, telling me to never talk to him or his wife again and that he’d pray for my daughter.

I thought that was crossing the line. He pulled his phone out and showed me a very rude text from my husband. I didn’t believe his story that my husband started a fight, but when I asked him about it he was proud that Shelia wasn’t hanging out with hippies.

I remembered the vegan hate and I was like until he apologized to that family and they agreed to let their kid play with ours I’d never cook meat again. He said I needed to get over it and do my Job but I am cooking, just not what he would like. AITA

Edit: I will try to find couple’s counseling although I don’t think he’ll agree to it. I hope Ina forgives me (vegan mom, since this blew up, I’m really very sorry and I won’t bother you again.) thank you all for your responses.

Check out how the community responded:

TimeandEntropy −  NTA and wha…. A spouse telling me to “do your job” in reference to a household chore would put me right on strike. I wouldn’t stop cooking meat for the guy, I’d stop cooking for him.

He sounds like an objectively horrible person to be so callous toward your daughter’s friendship and so proud of picking a fight and insulting others. Of course, the fact that you thought this kind of h**red was just sort of funny until it impacted your child makes me wonder a little about you….. Edit – Thank you for the awards!

beckdawg19 −  N T A, but I almost want to call you the a**hole for staying with someone so n**ty. Your husband literally ruined your daughter’s one friendship over something insanely petty, and your only way of dealing with that is not cooking him meat?

That sounds like an insane underreaction to me. ESH because it’s pretty clear OP doesn’t actually care much to ~~correct~~ deal with (poor word choice on correct) her husband’s behavior and defends him at every turn.

TypicalManagement680 −  ESH except the vegan family and your daughter. I’ve read your comments and you make so many excuses for your husband. You excused his hate for vegans and his behavior until it personally impacted you. I wonder what else you excuse because it hasn’t personally impacted you. Your husband is an AH for obvious reasons.

Edit: Thank you to all who gave me awards.

foxsabina2010 −  You don’t want angry vegans in your inbox, but you married into a family that gets “ridiculously mad” at tv adverts and they hate menus?! Christ. I’ve never been that mad at either of those things. You’re NTA but it’s worrying that your husband has put his own rage, stupidity and fragile masculinity ahead of his own daughters serious dietary restrictions

[Reddit User] −  ESH. You didn’t have a problem with your bully of a husband until your child had to suffer the consequences. You’re just as pathetic as he is.

HauntofhighAFtower −  NTA, it’s kinda, teensy bit petty, but so is being proud that you ruined your 6 year old kid’s only safe friendship!!! WTF. My son is ridiculously allergic to gluten.

Like I get that people think Gluten-free diets are fads and to be mocked along the same sides as veganism but my kid would literally break out in hives if he put his arms on the desks at school when he was in kindergarten unless they got wiped down first.

It’s bad, and people think you are blowing it out of proportion or you’re some new age freak instead of a parent who doesn’t want their kid to have to use an epipen today. My wife, coincidentally enough is allergic to eggs, so we literally can’t eat anywhere.

When we find people willing to accommodate us and really understand us it’s a godsend, and I can’t believe someone would ruin that for you and your daughter, and that someone is your husband.

The rules of this forum prohibit me from saying what I’d actually suggest you do to your husband, so I’m glad he’s gotta be unintentionally vegan. I just worry if he’s that obtuse you’re putting yourself in harm’s way when he doesn’t get his way.

EDIT: I’m not trying to state that anyone who chooses to be vegan or GF by choice instead of by medical necessity needs to be mocked or should be mocked or it’s okay to mock, I was trying to convey that it seems to be the accepted norm by the public that veganism and GF-by-choice (or not by choice) is fodder for ridicule.

A few people got real uppity thinking I agreed with the commonplace assumption mocking these diets is legit when I don’t think that way. I will say the main difference is my kiddo, wife’s and OP’s kid’s situation aren’t by choice and if your by-choice diet is somehow fucked with, you won’t need an epipen or a funeral.

zippy_zaboo −  NTA. Also: Couples counseling is probably cheaper than divorce and it sounds like you need one or the other.

Christhememgod −  NTA why are you still with him

Mindfullofdoubt −  Well, you sound like a doormat for your sexist pig of a husband. ESH, except your daughter. Your husband clearly sucks because of his attitudes towards everything.

You s**k for enabling his attitudes, and I kinda think the neighbor sucks a little too for banning a child from his house because of what the i**ot father said. Neighbor sucks the least. OP, you s**k the most for allowing s**tty behavior for so long until it directly affected your child.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. Your husband is not only an embarrassment, but a complete a**hole. He went out of his way to antagonize his seemingly pleasant neighbors because of their diet and has NO REMORSE for destroying your daughters only friendship. Your husbands “pride” of his h**red towards others is pathetic.

Do you think the Redditor is justified in refusing to cook meat until her husband apologizes for his actions, or is this causing unnecessary tension in the family? How would you handle such a situation where a parent disapproves of their child’s friendships due to personal beliefs? Let us know your thoughts below!