AITA for taking my daughter to get her hair cut when I knew it would upset my wife?

A Redditor shares a conflict between them and their wife over their daughter’s haircut. The daughter, Anna, has thick, blonde, curly hair that the wife adores, often spending hours styling it. Despite this, Anna has never enjoyed the process and wanted a shorter cut for a while.

The wife ignored her requests, so the Redditor decided to take Anna to get her desired haircut. Anna chose a short clipper cut, and after the haircut, she was thrilled, while the wife became extremely upset, locked herself in her room, and left. The Redditor is now worried about the fallout and wondering if they made a mistake. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for taking my daughter to get her hair cut when I knew it would upset my wife?’

Me (29M) and my wife (30F) have a little girl (8F) who I’ll be calling Anna. Now, Anna has very thick, blonde and curly hair that my wife adores. Ever since she was a toddler, she’d spend hours doing her hair every day, braiding it, straightening it and styling it in all sorts of ways.

Our bathroom cabinets are always filled to the brim with a bunch of hair lotions, oils, creams and other fancy products I don’t even know the names of. So I think it’s more than fair to say that my wife’s a bit obsessed with the whole hair thing. Anna, however, has never been too fond of getting her hair done, or of anything that involves having to sit still for more than a few minutes.

Before she got it cut, her hair used to reach past her waist. And while it looked lovely, she hated getting it brushed and every morning used to be a screaming fest between her and my wife. Lately, she’d been begging for a shorter haircut. My wife ignored her whenever the topic was brought up in hopes that she’d forget about it, but none of that ended up happening.

I think Anna realized she was getting nowhere with her mom, because she started asking me to take her instead. I was reluctant to at first because I didn’t know how my wife would react, but I agreed when I saw just how excited the kid was over something as simple as a haircut.

So yesterday I drove her to the hairdresser, where she got to flip through a lot of magazines and pick a picture of a haircut. And when she chose a really short clipper cut, I knew I was gonna be in deep s**t with my wife. At that point though, there was no turning back.

I mean, what could I have really done? Told her that no, she can’t get the haircut she was so over the moon about, all because her mom wouldn’t like it? I couldn’t do that. So we went ahead with the haircut, and by the end of it Anna couldn’t stop smiling.

She went around the salon showing it off to everyone and even asked me to take a bunch of pictures even though she normally hates having pictures taken of her. We did get one rude comment from an older woman at the salon, something along the lines of ‘You can’t even tell if she’s a boy or a girl now’, but Anna was way too excited about her hair to notice, and if she did notice she didn’t care.

When my wife got home from work that day though, things quickly took a turn for the worse. She refused to even look at Anna, locked herself in her room and cried then got in the car and drove off. It’s been a day now and she’s still not back, it’s honestly starting to worry me.

I knew she wouldn’t react well to the haircut but I wasn’t expecting her to take it this badly. The kid’s upset too and no matter how much I reassure her she still thinks she’s in trouble for getting her hair cut.

AITA? I realize how attached my wife was to Anna’s hair, but at the end of the day I still think it’s just hair. The kid’s old enough to decide these things for herself and she was really happy with the haircut, so I don’t think I did something wrong here.

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

DigDugDogDun −  NTA, but crying, locking herself away, and driving off are not normal responses, even for someone who is really upset. Is something else going on with your wife?

Pleasant-Koala147 −  This isn’t about Anna’s hair. It’s about her body autonomy. I’ve made a few comments elsewhere, but this situation has been sitting on my mind. What your wife has been doing and is continuing to do is sending the message to Anna that her body is not her own,

and despite her own desires, she should put other people’s feeling about what she does with her body first. Is this really the message you want your daughter learning? Think about the long term implications of learning to give in to other people’s wants about her body.

The other thing that is really concerning me is that you say that Anna doesn’t like to sit for more than a few minutes. So how is her mum making her sit for hours getting her hair braided? Bribery? Manipulation? Invalidation of her feelings? Braiding can hurt if strands are accidentally pulled or it’s done too tight.

If Anna’s expressing that the styling is hurting what is happening? Does it stop or does her mother get frustrated and ignore or dismiss her? There’s a whole boat load of concerning behaviours here from your wife that seriously need to be dealt with, but right now you need to make sure Anna knows that she did the right thing, her hair is beautiful and none of this is her fault or responsibility.. Edit: missing word. Edit 2: forgot judgement- NTA

FumiPlays −  Is your wife a freaking Mother Gothel from Tangled? Does she love the child or does she love the hair ffs? NTA, a kid has their right to choose what’s being done with their body.

ExcellentPatience298 −  NTA for taking her. She’s 8 and she should have a say in how she wears her hair. But y t a for doing it behind your wife’s back. Btw your wife needs to seek professional help if this is how she reacts to a haircut.

Aggravating-Plum8147 −  NTA. My mom never let me choose how I got my haircut, I’m now over 40 and still resent her for it. It’s just hair. Your wife is being way over dramatic

existential_chaos −  NTA. It was either you took her to get it cut or she got in the drawer and used the scissors.

Detached09 −  NTA you’re a good parent for listening to your kid. You need to talk to your wife though because her reaction to a haircut is not healthy behavior.

AnnualLife2859 −  NTA. I think it is actually insane that your wife is throwing a fit, and emphasize fit because I feel she is actually extremely childlike based on her reaction you described, over your child getting her hair cut.

This actually even more ridiculous because it isn’t even something you we’re forcing on your child but something that she wanted. And to top it all off her hair will just grow back eventually if your child decides she doesn’t like it short. Also in regards to another comment that another user made; you really should talk to your wife about her reaction because it is just ridiculous.

TLDR: NTA, good for you for listening to your child and letting her explore different ways of expressing herself.

Carikos −  NTA, your wife had plenty of time to prepare for this outcome when Anna started asking her for a haircut. You listened to your daughter and helped her get what she needed. This is probably the time for your wife to learn that Anna is her own person and has her own preferences. Please don’t stop advocating for your daughter.

[Reddit User] −  Soft YTA, but not for letting the kid have a haircut she wanted, that part is fine. For not taking the time and effort to sit down with your wife first and talk it out, try and see why she was so attached to the hair, try and get her to see that it’s really the kid’s call, look for a solution. Because this has to be about more than just hair, that is not a normal reaction to a child getting a haircut no matter how much you dislike it.

You’re gonna have to do that now and it’s gonna be so much harder… And it’s gonna be so much more upsetting for the kid who is now in danger of believing she has to choose between bodily autonomy and a relationship with her mother.

Do you think the Redditor did the right thing by letting Anna choose her own haircut, or should they have considered the wife’s feelings more? How would you handle a situation where a child wants to make a decision that goes against one parent’s preferences? Share your thoughts below!