AITA for dressing nicer than the couple getting married?

A Redditor attended his brother’s wedding at a lake, where the invitation stated there was no dress code. He chose to wear a formal blue three-piece suit, thinking it was respectful for the occasion. However, upon arrival, he realized most guests were dressed much more casually.

His brother and sister-in-law (SIL) were dressed casually as well. After the wedding, his SIL called to express anger, claiming he upstaged them by dressing too formally. She accused him of sticking out in the photos, which led to a heated argument. The Redditor asks if he was in the wrong for dressing more formally than the couple. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for dressing nicer than the couple getting married?’

A few months ago, my brother and now SIL announced their intention to marry. The invitation to the wedding stated “No dress code. Wear whatever is comfortable for you.” In hindsight, I think they put that there since the event was at a lake.

I didn’t think much of the disclaimer at the time because it’s a wedding, I should dress respectably for such an occasion, and I have a healthy selection of formal wear in my wardrobe. I chose a beautiful blue 3 piece suit.

Yesterday was the wedding. When I showed up, I noticed everyone was dressed way more casually than I was. I’m talking Polos, many people wearing shorts, only a few people wearing slacks and button down. I did feel a little out of place. My brother was wearing a suit with no tie, and my SIL was wearing a modest white dress.

The only comment I got on my attire during the event was a joke from my dad saying I looked like I’m marrying the SIL, but that was it. A few hours ago, I got a call from SIL. Holy s**t, she is pissed at me! She was asking why I dressed like a pimp, I upstaged her and my brother, and I stuck out like a sore thumb on the photos.

I referenced the invite, and how she said there was literally no dress code, and I was dressing respectfully. She was going on about how that implicitly meant not formal. I told her that she should’ve specified “not formal” to leave less interpretation freedom. She asked if I was that r**arded.

I told her that just because she’s family doesn’t give her the right to blame a miscommunication on me and call me a r**ard. I hung up. She spammed my phone with calls, so I blocked her and texted my brother I’ll talk to her when she’s ready to be less verbally abusive.. Was I in the wrong?

Edit: clarified she said I stuck out on the photos.

Edit 2: My brother said I’m welcome to come over for dinner later. I unblocked her number. No call spam, so that’s a good sign.

Edit 3: Had dinner with my brother and SIL earlier. She showed me the pictures, and I can kind of see what she was talking about. I told her I’m sorry for being unaware, and that being unaware was still s**tty of me because I did notice I was out of place and I should have tried to do something. She said she was sorry for yelling at me earlier, she’s still annoyed about it, but said it would be silly to keep this over my head. So yeah, I don’t think we’re gonna be on Jerry Springer as far as I can tell.

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

B5204T3 −  A few hours ago, I got a call from SIL. Holy s**t, she is pissed at me! She was asking why I dressed like a pimp, I upstaged her and my brother, and I stuck out like a sore thumb. Hahahaha WTF, NTA, it’s their own fault. They are the ones who said ‘no dress code’.

treeshugmeback −  ESH. In hindsight, you should have put your coat/tie/vest back in the car once you saw how everyone else was dressed. It was out of line for her to react so poorly to you, and she kind of deserved it for not emphasizing “casual” dress code.

inward_outbound −  Kinda YTA… but that’s still hysterical. And I 100% approve.. “Super casual! Be comfy!”. – shows up in a tux. “We said be comfortable”. – adjusts monocle

wigglebuttbiscuits −  NTA. Wow, your SILs an a**hole. You misfired a tad on the attire— no dress code definitely implies more casual— but that’s a simple, unimportant mistake and absolutely not worth *berating* you over.

All_in_your_mind −  ESH. All these people saying nta are focusing on your new SIL’s behavior and ignoring the reality that you did, in fact, mess up. Her behavior is way out of line and overdramatic, this is true. But everyone knows it is bad form to out dress the bride and groom. If you felt the invitation was ambiguous, then you could have quickly cleared that up with a simple text to your brother. You definitely erred here. Therefore, ESH.

[Reddit User] −  INFO: people can be biased sometimes, so if you’re calling it a beautiful 3 piece suit and she’s saying you looked like a pimp, the only way I can pass judgement is if you show us a picture of the suit

hellopanic −  NTA. It’s a wedding so they should have expected that some people would dress up, unless explicitly told otherwise. You’re completely right it’s wrong for her to blame you for a miscommunication that was mainly their fault. As they say, assumption is the mother of all f**k ups.

Coziestpigeon2 −  ESH. She was going on about how that implicitly meant not formal. She’s absolutely right here, you have to be pretty dense to not catch this. Especially with it being an outdoor summer wedding – no dress code means “don’t dress up because we don’t want nana to get heat stroke, but don’t look like you just rolled out of bed and into a pile of last week’s laundry.”

I get it if this was your first ever event, but the outfit you describe for yourself makes me think you’re fairly experienced going to events like this. The fact that apparently *every other guest* was able to figure it out, but you were not…that’s saying something about you.

She’s reacting like an a**hole…but dude. No one is as stupid as you’re describing yourself to be. Your motives are clearly not what makes you an a**hole…but dude. You’re an ass the same way someone would be an ass if they were trying to move a couch through your kitchen and spilled your cereal – they didn’t do anything *wrong*, but what the f**k are they thinking moving a couch through your kitchen while you’re trying to eat cereal in there?

star_guardian_carol −  NTA – but I gotta say… Why would she care? She’s just supposed to be happy she is getting married and she is wearing what she wants right?

memesupreme83 −  INFO. Did you know the wedding was happening at a lake? Also, why didn’t you ask your brother what he was wearing? I remember going to a friend’s birthday party and I sent my friend a pic of what I was wearing, which was pretty nice.

I wanted to make sure they didn’t feel upstaged at their party. I can understand her irritation, to a point. Even still, i think the suit was fine. It should be your brother that should have been irritated. Now if you were a woman in a decorated dress, I would have said you were the a**hole. But suits, I feel, can be dressed up or dressed down.

Do you think the Redditor made a mistake by dressing more formally than the couple at a wedding with no dress code? How would you handle the situation if you were in his shoes? Share your thoughts below!