AITA for kicking out a girl from my daughter’s sleepover bday party?

A father shares a situation from his daughter’s sleepover birthday party where he kicked out one of the guests, a girl he perceived as spoiled and disrespectful. After the girl made dismissive comments about the gifts and the party, the father found text messages from her mocking the event, which led him to ask her to leave. Now, he’s questioning if his reaction was too harsh.

‘ AITA for kicking out a girl from my daughter’s sleepover bday party?’

My (34M) daughter (14F) had a sleepover b-day party last saturday, and she invited 5 girls from her school. There was this one girl that she invited who I could tell from her attitude, was a spoiled b**t. When she rang the doorbell, she walked in looking down at her phone, didn’t greet me or my wife, and handed me her jacket without even looking up.

The whole night she was on her phone doing whatever the heck 14 year olds do on phones. I thought she was just embarrassed or shy because maybe she didn’t know anyone, but according to my daughter, she is a “super duper cool girl”. Anyways, towards the end of the night, my daughter was opening her gifts. SB made a comment about every single gift. (not exactly snarky, but more like she was just unimpressed)

The final gift was from me and my wife, we bought her an iPhone 7 by pooling all of our remaining extra money to buy her it. The SB scoffed because she had the newest gen iPhone. I helped my daughter set up the phone with a sim card, and the rest of the night they just hung out in her room.

My daughter came down a bit later and she was just sitting on the couch, I asked her what was wrong and she just went back up while saying “why couldn’t you have just bought me the newest iphone??”. That was really out of character for her, as she is always grateful for receiving anything.

My daughter left the phone on the table. I grabbed my daughter’s phone to see a bunch of texts going back and forth between SB and my daughter, they exchanged numbers and the convo went something like this:

D “hey its me”
SB “thanks for inviting me to ur l**e slumber party lol, and congrats on the iphone SEVEN haha”. D “what”
SB: “arent u mad that ur parents and friends got u such l**e gifts”
SB “slumber parties are for little girls lol, but wtvs its cool”. D “u dont like the party..?”
SB “I jus wish i could go home looool”. ~end

It was around 1AM and the girls were still up talking, I knocked and asked if I could speak with SB, she looked confused, I told her she needs to grab her things something came up. (I did this as to not embarrass my daughter in front of her friends). I took her downstairs and asked her to call her mom, she asked why and I said “because thats what you said right? that you wish you could go home? so go.” She was tearing up a bit, and made the call.

I talked w/ her mom for a bit when she came, I showed her the texts and she apologized profusely and said “its just a teenager phase I guess. I’m so sorry, but dont you think she could stay? If not I understand.” I thought ab it for a bit, but her staying probably would have made it awkward for everyone, so I told her it was best if they just left.

My wife said that I overreacted, and I should have just talked with SB rather than immediately kick her out, I firmly believe I taught her a good lesson that she needed to learn. It was MY DAUGHTER’s bday, and I didn’t want the rest of her night ruined because of some spoiled b**t who was making it all about her. I guess she didn’t exactly do anything wrong, but at the same time her attitude was unbelievable. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

EmileaBluems −  NTA. How does your daughter feel about it though?

willowwilde −  NTA! An actual hero! That self entitled b**t needed someone to hold her accountable for being a bully. In time your daughter will understand this.

i-died-in-vietnam- −  NTA, you did what your daughter couldn’t and that’s stand up to a bully. It will be years before she realizes that those “cool people” in high school often time grow up to be terrible people that she would never seek a relationship with outside of that high school setting. But I wouldn’t let someone disrespect my home or my family.

pad1007 −  NTA. I completely understand where you are coming from. That being said, this may have made things worse for your daughter in the long run. It’s been a while since I was a teenage girl, but I remember they can be vicious. Hopefully the girl learned a lesson, but it’s possible she may lash out at your daughter because of being sent home.

elwoodpdowdsmother −  YTA. (1) you spied on your daughter for no reason.
(2) you let a 14 year old girl bruise your fragile ego and pride about the gift you bought and knee j**k reacted by ominously summoning her from the party at 1am with no explanation other than something came up which very likely made this girl think something terrible happened with her family.

(3) you childishly and angrily made her call her mom in the middle of the night and seriously said “that’s what you said right, that you want to go, so go” (which was something she texted so she now knows that either your daughter ratted her out or that you spy on your daughter and can spread that information around). (4) you judge this girl SO HARSHLY, having no understanding of teen angst and absolutely no clue what this particular girl has going on in her life that could be feeding this attitude.

(5) you forced another parent to leave their house in the middle of the night to fetch their kid when there was no emergency situation. (6) you did all of this without having a conversation with your daughter about her wishes, and didn’t give her a chance to explain to you how completely embarrassing it is to have your angry father kick a cool girl out of your party in the middle of the night for texting rude things.

(7) you did all of this without having a conversation with your wife about the best course of action. (8) you essentially have appointed yourself judge and jury of your 14 year old daughter’s friend group with the final (and really only) say in who stays and goes

Deep-Tomorrow −  YTA for not talking to your daughter first. 14 is an insane age and this girl could make her social life hell because of this.

blamb66 −  ESH. Obviously the spoiled girl an a**hole but I feel like most teenagers are TBH. On one hand I would be pissed as well if there was someone acting like this at my child’s party. But I do know this is how kids can be when they are that age. Plus it was 1am and I would probably just tell them to go to sleep and then talk with my child about it after everyone left. If my parents saw my texts/online chat at this age they would probably have taken me out of school and not let me have any friends.

I feel like this could’ve been a teachable moment for you to talk to the spoiled girl and maybe get to apologize possibly? Not sure if that would work or not or at least give her a warning that this type of behavior wouldn’t be tolerated and she needed to apologize to your daughter. I worry that this action may have more repurcussions for your daughter when she goes back to school with teasing if the spoiled girl decides to tease even more since she got kicked out of the party.

SweetRoosevelt −  I think ESH, but you most of all. You really should of pulled your daughter aside and asked her what she wanted. She’s 14, not 10 and it’s good for her to learn how to deal with these types of situations without interfering. If it’s a serious matter, of course get involved but social situations like this is different.

And invading for her privacy, I know you bought and paid for her phone but you were just being nosy/snooping. Also most teenagers are assholes or behave assholey, you stooped to that level being a smartass to a teenage girl instead of being mature. Which I am sure felt great at the time, but c’mon man.

The way the story comes across is you blindsided everyone, only YOUR input was important, probably made her slumber party worse, humiliated (not humbled) another teenager, and probably affected your daughter’s school life.

gausevern −  NTA, but the impulse to protect your daughter could do more harm than good, here. I would lean more toward letting her learn to deal with this girl herself (with your support and guidance, of course) rather than dealing with the situation for her. Not optimal parenting, in my opinion, but not an a-hole move, either.

prairiefiresk −  Nta. She didn’t want to be there si she got to go home. This girl is in no way your daughter’s friend. That’s her bully. Congrats on getting her out of your house with minimal hysterics.

Do you think the parent’s decision to remove the girl from the party was fair given her behavior, or was it an overreaction? How would you have handled the situation if you were in the parent’s shoes? Share your thoughts below!