AITA for refusing to return a tip AND telling a couple that I dont have time to play mediator?

A waitress shares a tense situation involving a couple at her table. The husband wanted a beer, but the wife was adamant he shouldn’t have one, leading to an argument that the waitress tried to avoid. Despite the conflict, the husband tipped her generously, but the wife later demanded the tip back. The waitress is left questioning if she did the right thing.

‘ AITA for refusing to return a tip AND telling a couple that I dont have time to play mediator?’

I’m a 22 year old, female waitress at Texas Roadhouse. This is one of my two jobs to put myself through college. Most days are fine but other days are a living hell. Yesterday I was assigned a table that had a husband, wife and what appeared to be a teenage daughter (maybe 17). Everything was going smooth at first and the wife ordered a margarita.

The husband then tried ordering a beer. The wife instantly lost her noodles and said “Uh, no. He will not have a beer. He will have a water.” She then turned to him and said something along the lines of him not needing to drink because he was driving. He said no, the daughter could drive. It was childish.

Anyways, he keeps telling me he wants a beer. She keeps telling me no. In this industry, situations like this are a lose/lose for waitresses. If I get him the beer, wife wont tip. If I dont get him the beer, he wont tip. Damned if I do, damned if I dont.

So while they were arguing AT me, I said “Listen, I really dont have time to play mediator here.” They went silent. I went and got both of them their alcohol. Daughter gives me an apologetic look upon my return, presumably because her mother was acting bat s**t crazy upon seeing me bring a beer in tow.

Flash forward to after their meals. Husband has had 2 beers at this point. Wife has stopped drinking and glares at me everytime I return. Wife and daughter go to the car while husband pays. Husband drops me a $40 tip on a $68 tab. I told him I couldnt accept it. He insisted. Eventually I pocketed it.

Wife comes in an hour or so later demanding that I give her the $40 her husband gave me, stating that I was a terrible host and went against her and I dknt deserve a tip. She got my manager involved who said “She is not obligated to give you her tip. You left the restaurant and the tip has already been processed. Have a nice night.”

She was fuming, screaming at me about how much of an AH I was for supplying her husband alcohol after she said no. Other guests started chiming in saying that she was being ignorant and that I was doing my job, which is to provide guests with what they want and said that it wasnt MY fault that she was a controlling wife. She storms out. Given the fact that I was put on the spot like that, I feel insanely guilty. AITA?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

[Reddit User] −  Nta imo, manager has your back (which is good!) and the other customers as well. Really she’s pissed at her husband not you. Edit- I think some people are reading this as if I think the wife is a h**py and drinking and driving is fine, I don’t, and I have no idea what happens in their life, for all I know he pulls this s**t all the time, or she’s the one who always has a glass of wine and he never gets to, etc etc. Just it’s clear the actual annoyance was not with the staff.

UnsightlyFuzz −  NTA NTA NTA! Glad your manager backed you up.

Redbeard1989_ −  You. Did. Perfect! F**k that lady. You’re not responsible for her insane control issues or their terrible marriage. The mom is the a**hole FOR SURE. Who comes back in demanding a refund on a tip they didn’t give, the audacity. I’m glad your manager was cool about it too. Spend that 40 frivolously on yourself, you absolutely deserve it.

Bearx2020 −  Absolutely NTA. He gave you that tip, not her. He was probably glad you stood up to her because he can’t. She seemed controlling and confrontational off the bat. My mum is like this, if anything doesn’t go the way she wants it, she loses it with everyone around her. I’m 29, I can’t even order a steak in front of her without her telling me it’s wrong and changing my order like I’m a child. If I change it back, she throws a tantrum. Btw, she does it wrong. She likes s**t past well done. Gross.

Not super relevant but another example of how controlling she is: I went on vacay with them, I didn’t have much money, I just needed a break from reality for a while. Covered my costs and food etc but didn’t really have much for fancy day trips and more expensive meals. We came across a boat trip that was like €30 each, between me and my bf, that was €60 and majority of our spending money for the week.

We declined, mother got huffy as f**k, throwing a tantrum about how we don’t do anything with her but wouldn’t pay for us. So it was a tantrum for tantrums sake. Dad took us off to get an ice cream and slipped us the cash, told us to act like we did a recount and could afford it. Did the trip, it was crap and definitely not worth it.

A few days later my parents are arguing about how my dad is so careless and disgusting. Asked what was up and she started screaming how my dad has lost €50 and he’s reckless. They kept at it for a while until I shouted at her and told her the truth. She drmanded I paid them back when we got home then refused to speak to any of us for the entire day, just because he gave money to his own daughter without Ok’ing it first..

HauntofhighAFtower −  How could you possibly be an a**hole in this situation. Did you just need a venue to vent this all happened? Who in the history of ever would be guilty that a petulant customer CAME BACK to harass you and demand money back that her husband freely gave you? I get you are 22, but if you are a server surely you must realize people are horrible monsters and we all here wouldn’t collective label you an a**hole even if you punched the woman in the face?. NTA.

[Reddit User] −  NTA, obviously, why did you even post here?

whitewer −  Nta, you did your job. You didn’t make the husband give you the tip and you stated you tried to give it back. She had no right to come back getting mad at you, that was something she should have taken up with her husband.

Arkitekt9 −  So this story is…”this lady was an a**hole, but i was just doing my job. I dont think Im the a**hole, my manager says im not an a**hole, random customers chimed in to say im not an a**hole, jesus came down and spoke to me and told me im not an a**hole, but im not sure! Reddit, am i the a**hole???”

[Reddit User] −  NTA. A lot of times, I used to think that embarrassment was built when I was younger. I had been pumped full of those happy little lies society tells woman, which is that we have to be Pleasers. You shouldn’t feel guilty. You were probably horrified and embarrassed and didn’t know how to handle it.

But everyone else had your side and that’s amazing. Don’t let people make you feel bad about yourself because they can’t handle their s***. She sounds like she is probably going to divorce that guy, and he would be lucky to be away from her.

Leucurus −  Given the fact that I was put on the spot like that, I feel insanely guilty.. What? No you don’t.