AITA for secretly feeding my sister vegetables?

A concerned sibling took drastic measures to help their 16-year-old sister, who is pre-diabetic and struggling with her weight. They began secretly incorporating hidden vegetables into meals to improve her nutrition. However, their mother found out and accused them of being unethical for lying about the ingredients. The situation escalated into a family argument, leaving the sibling wondering if they were wrong to deceive their sister for the sake of her health. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for secretly feeding my sister vegetables?’

My sister is 16 and heavily overweight. She’s 5’2 or 5’3 but 170+lbs. She’s already pre-diabetic and if she doesn’t lose weight pronto she’ll have to go on metformin. Diabetes runs in our family (my mom and grandma both have it) and as it is she already has really low energy levels and clumps of her hair is falling out!!

I’m really worried about her and have tried to introduce her to various forms of “fun” exercises (like swimming, those weird indoor cycling classes with the EDM and the lights and s**t, 30-minute walks, wall climbing) but she absolutely HATED it all.

The other thing is, she doesn’t eat any fruits or vegetables, except maybe potatoes, and bananas when they’re in “acceptable” forms like in chocolate-banana smoothies or in banana bread.

As a last-ditch attempt, a couple of days ago I decided to just take over the family menu and feed her dishes that secretly have vegetables in them. For breakfast I made green smoothies but add lots of (sugar-free) matcha to explain the “green” color and mask the flavors of the fruits and veggies.

I make “cheese” sauces out of pumpkin and carrots and flavor them with nutritional yeast. I mix crushed cauliflower into fried rice, etc etc. I have to lie about them because even if it tastes good, if she *knows* there are fruits or veggies she doesn’t like in the dish, she’ll immediately stop eating it.

It was going well until our mom found out the dishes secretly had vegetables in it. She started this whole argument about how it was “unethical” to lie to my sister about what we were feeding her and it escalated into a yelling match where I told my mom she clearly wasn’t worried enough about my sister’s health and that she knew nothing about nutrition.

(She thinks apple pie is healthy???) My mom has banned me from preparing the meals and is guilt-tripping me for lying, but I really think I was making an honest effort to help? I feel bad for yelling at my mom but I dunno, was I really such an a**hole for lying about the vegetables?

**EDIT:** I really didn’t expect my post would blow up like this. I just want to emphasize that I’m not a nutritionist or a doctor, I just listen to what the doctor + nutritionist says during the monthly checkups and take that as fact, so thank you so much for pointing several things out. I will try to be more self-informed in the future.

I’ve taken note of her possibly having ARFID, thyroid problems, or PCOS and will try to get my mom to get her to a therapist as well as a doctor, thanks very much for bringing these up. Also, my mom is really hard-headed but she’s still trying, I feel bad that I’ve made such a horrible impression of her.

She has type 1 diabetes that she has to manage on top of her job and taking care of us 2 kids so please don’t say she’s terrible 🙁 Also, everyone asking me for my recipes can check my comments, I made a comment on this post detailing how I did the cheese sauce and stuff. Thank you very much for your suggestions, I really appreciate them.

**EDIT 2**: My mom has type 1 diabetes, my grandma on my dad’s side has type 2. According to the doctor my sister is at risk for Type 2 because of her high blood sugar + high cholesterol.

These are the responses from Reddit users:

auberus −  NTA. You were trying to save your sister’s life/health, and your mom should not have yelled at you. Frankly, your mother’s refusal to enforce a healthy diet on your sister verges on child abuse/n**lect. I can’t pretend to understand her motives, but her behavior is incredibly irresponsible.

ilovecaptaincrunch −  **NTA** \- Can you cook for me lol? but for real i mean you are the cook, your sister doesn’t have to eat it if she doesn’t like it not like your forcing it down her throat…

but obviously your good enough of a cook to make veggies taste good so i don’t see why your mom has a problem with it. I don’t understand your sisters logic though, if something tastes really good yet has veggies in it will she just not eat it out of pure spite of veggies? idk ur mom sounds like an ultra boomer haha.

SciFiEmma −  ESH. She’s 16 not five; you’re trying to help but she needs a long term sustainable solution. Which is probably a nutritionist to scare the hell out of her. Your mum shouldn’t be yelling at you for good intentions. Your sister is troubled.

[Reddit User] −  she already has really low energy levels and clumps of her hair is falling out!! I had the same symptoms which turned out to be caused by my thyroid becoming underactive as a side effect of some meds I was on. If she hasn’t already, it might be a good idea for her to get her thyroid function checked.

ZhenHen −  NTA. Diabetes isn’t the only thing she has to worry about

SultanofShit −  NTA you seem to be the only person in her life actually trying to help her.

[Reddit User] −  this is not at all related to my ethical dilemma lol but I am getting a lot of PMs asking me for my recipes and I am all for encouraging healthy eating haha. I don’t really follow recipes, I just adapt recipes I find online and change stuff along the way so this is the best I can explain:

**pumpkin-carrot cheese sauce**: I adapted this recipe from the vegan mac & cheese recipe of chocolate covered katie (literally the first link that pops up on google search when you google “vegan mac & cheese”). But instead of purely using pumpkin puree I used 1/2 pumpkin puree and 1/2 carrot puree (pumpkin is kinda starchy i think so i wanted to add something more nutritious).

Then instead of cashews I used silken tofu (I read that cashews are high-calorie and pretty fatty even if it’s the good kind of fat), the texture came out creamy and you can’t really taste the tofu once you add the nutritional yeast (aka vegan cheese) so be liberal with the yeast for that cheese flavor

**green smoothies**: honestly the best way to fill yourself with greens without actually tasting the greens. DO NOT use watery fruits like apples/watermelons/pears—have tried adding these before and just makes it taste disgusting.

bananas/avocados are a great creamy base and then you can add fruits that match it like bananas+strawberry or avocado+peaches and blend them with a non-dairy milk (I use oat milk) then add a handful of leafy greens (I usually use spinach and romaine lettuce.)

If you like matcha then mango+bananas+coconut milk (full cream) and spinach is the best combo, then you can add as much matcha powder as you like. If you don’t like non-dairy milk then whey powder is also a good option, I personally use a berry flavored whey powder and mix it with a frozen banana, oat milk, and spinach!

**cauliflower fried rice**: you can get any ole’ fried rice recipe and just switch out the rice for 1/2 rice and 1/2 crushed cauliflower. crushing the cauliflower in a food processor is the easiest way but you can do it by hand, it’s just time-consuming.

you can also replace the rice entirely with cauliflower if you like. saute the cauliflower (and rice if you’re still adding it) with some garlic and white onions, then add 1 meat (shrimp, chicken strips, beef cubes, etc) and some vegetables of your choice (brocolli, cauliflower, diced carrots, etc). When I made this for my sister I just used shrimp lol.. ​ please live healthy lives!!! diabetes is awful!!

rebeccavt −  ESH. You have good intentions, but I don’t think dishonesty and food tampering is the way to help someone. Food issues can be like d**g addictions. You can’t coerce, trick, beg, shame, or educate someone into getting help or changing their diet if they don’t want to. It has to come from a place of true self-motivation.

I know it’s hard and it’s really, really frustrating when someone you love is hurting themselves and won’t listen to advise, but sneaking vegetables into her meal is not going to make her magically want to change. It will just cause distrust and resentment.

[Reddit User] −  ESH – you shouldn’t sneak things into people’s food. 16 is old enough for your sister to recognise the dangers of her situation, but it’s still a vulnerable age so you need to tread carefully. Your mum should be stepping up to help handle the situation in the most delicate way possible.

c-est-magnifique −  NTA. Obesity kills. Letting her due would make you an a**hole.

Would you secretly add healthy ingredients to a loved one’s meals if you thought it would help their health? Is it ever okay to lie about food, or should honesty always come first? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments!