AITA I went with my friend to a restaurant that was originally reserved for me and my wife.
A man (30M) shared a birthday plan with his pregnant wife (28F) that involved a special dinner at a Korean BBQ restaurant. However, his wife canceled at the last minute to visit a childhood friend, saying her friend’s upcoming move to Germany was more urgent than his birthday.
Frustrated, he decided to spend his birthday with his best friend, including using the dinner reservation originally intended for him and his wife. When his wife returned, she became upset that he had gone to the restaurant without her, accusing him of being controlling. Now, she’s giving him the silent treatment. Read the full story below.
‘ AITA I went with my friend to a restaurant that was originally reserved for me and my wife.’
Yesterday was my birthday. My(30M) wife(28F) and I had made reservations at this really nice Korean BBQ restaurant for dinner. My wife is 4 months pregnant. However, her friend wanted to hang out with her and had called her the night before my birthday.
My wife said that this was a childhood friend of hers and that she really wanted to spend time with her. I reminded her that it’s my birthday but she just dismissed it saying my birthday comes every year but her friend will be leaving for Germany in a few weeks.
I told her that she could go after my birthday as well but she did not listen and just went to a sleepover at her friend’s place. I got really mad at her and instead of waiting for her to return home to talk things out, I asked my friend if he would like to hang out with me.
He was fine with it so we spent the day fishing, grilling, hiking, and went to the Korean BBQ for dinner. When she came home after spending time with her friend, she apologized to me saying it was an unavoidable circumstance. I told her that it wasn’t a problem and that I spent the day with my best friend.
She got mad that I’d take him to the restaurant that we had booked for ourselves. I said that it was originally for us but since she prioritized her friend over me, I took the person who prioritized me on my birthday. She said that I’m controlling and that I shouldn’t be deciding who she spends time with. Now she’s neither talking to me nor coming out of the room. I think I went too far by telling her whom she should be spending time with.. AITA?
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
B4pangea − NTA. Seems to me SHE’s actually the one being controlling; she doesn’t prioritize you on your birthday but then wants to say you shouldn’t continue with your plans, with your friend in her place? She would have preferred you sitting at home waiting for her, on your birthday? That’s really not very nice. ETA: and correct me if I’m wrong, but this was a milestone birthday? That’s not right.
[Reddit User] − I’m confused. What did she expect you to do, sit at home and cry? NTA. Your wife is the a**hole. She didn’t need to visit her friend that day, she didn’t need to stay out all night and come in the next morning. That’s weird.
emmakobs − NTA. This is a no-win situation. You can’t hang out with her OR your friend on YOUR birthday? What were you supposed to do, stare at the wall like a Sim until she got home?. Silly.
AcceptableHome3 − I may be missing info but it doesnt really sound like you told her who she should be spending time with at all. You two had made plans, she wanted to cancel, on your bday no less, to hang with a friend, you provided ways she could do both, and she chose to do what she wanted.
You chose to celebrate your birthday with someone who wanted to celebrate with you, theres nothing wrong with that. Like at all. She ditched you on your birthday, is now feeling s**tty about, and is projecting her guilt on you so she doesnt feel as bad.. NTA.
28Improved − NTA I would’ve told her “it was an unavoidable circumstance” And also “it’s just one meal, it comes every year”
EffectiveApricot − NTA she declined your birthday dinner reservations so you took a friend instead? What’s the problem? Sounds like a fun birthday with your buddy tho, Happy belated!
CalgaryChris77 − NTA, why would she be mad, she is the one who cancelled on you?
StellaBella2010 − NTA. Demand a paternity test 🙁
forgottenenvies − NTA. The idea that she’s mad you didn’t spend your birthday alone and miserable is quite sad.
CuriosiT38 − NTA from what you’ve written here. You didn’t tell her who she should be spending time with, you asked her to prioritize you over her friend on your birthday. That was not an unreasonable request and you offered alternatives for her to spend time with her friend.
She doesn’t get to make that decision and then be mad about how \*you\* spent your birthday when she chose not to share it with you. There’s no indication you have penalized her or wouldn’t be able to celebrate with her another day. Besides, what harm to still use the reservation? It would have been wasted otherwise.
Was this husband justified in celebrating his birthday with someone who prioritized him, or should he have handled the situation differently? How would you feel if your partner canceled birthday plans for a friend? Share your thoughts in the comments!