AITA for telling my disabled son and his partner I disapprove of their relationship?

A concerned parent navigates a difficult situation involving their 23-year-old son with cerebral palsy, who recently entered a relationship with a 58-year-old man. While the parent desires their son’s independence, they believe the age gap and the partner’s influence are alarming.

After learning their son isn’t gay and fears loneliness, the parent expressed disapproval, leading to tension. Did their reaction cross a line, or is their concern valid? Read the full story below…

‘ AITA for telling my disabled son and his partner I disapprove of their relationship?’

My son is 23 and has cerebral palsy that is quite severe. It only affects him physically. He is very smart. I have recently setup his financials where he gets his disability sent to him directly and got him his own place. His caregiver visits him daily at his new place. I did this because I wanted my son to be independent.

He did very well for a few months but recently he has gotten into a relationship with a 58 year old man that I simply do not approve of. It’s not that I’m h**ophobic. But it’s the fact that this man older then me has now moved in with my son. They’ve only known each other for three months.

And what’s worse is that my son isn’t gay. I had a heartfelt conversation where my son broke down and admitted he isn’t gay but is scared of dying alone. I have been heartbroken ever since and tried to setup some counseling sessions only to find out that his partner is double booking activities on those days and forcing my son to choose.

I’m not sure what this older man’s deal is. He is contributing around 25% of the rent and seems to work. Last Sunday I had them over for lunch and I couldn’t control myself. I called him a predator and I thought he was disgusting. He then proceeded to take it on himself to physically push my son out the house without even asking.

My son called me after and said that what I did was wrong and I don’t understand his predicament. Every instinct in me is telling me that man is bad news. I’m contemplating reporting him to the authorities. But that might be going too far and my son will likely resent me. Was I really the a**hole for calling out that c**ep like that?

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

drekiaa −  NTA: You aren’t the a**hole. At all. You are being protective of your child, and reasonably so. What in the hell is a 58 year old man doing with a 23 year old boy? You don’t want to hear this, but I can almost guarantee that that older man has some really creepy control fetishes.

Your son is physically disabled, and young and this older man can *easily* manipulate your son. Example: People who have fat fetishes. When their partner starts to lose weight, they have s** with them less often and tell them how they prefer when they were fatter…

And then person eats more to get fat again to appeal to their partner. It’s emotional manipulation, and it’s disgusting. There’s no way that isn’t what this man is doing to your son.. You did the right thing.

\*\*Edit: Holy cow this blew up! Disabling notifications, because I don’t have a computer over the weekend and I won’t really be able to respond. I made some comments that a report can be filed, and did concede that that may not be the best route but that it could help for potential future cases to build a paper trail in case this happens to be a thing he commonly does,

or may be do with people who are not mentally capable. OP’s son is clearly mentally capable. The boyfriend may not be creepy, but his behavior per the post suggests otherwise. OP’s son is a consenting **young** adult, making your typical poor 23 year old decisions. Hope he gets this sorted and finds out that he deserves love, real love. Good luck OP! **Edir2: A silver??? Thank you so much kind stranger!!

Pastel_I_Bella −  NTA. The guy sounds like a c**ep and was physical with your son. OP you are not worried about your son being with a guy, you are worried that your straight son is dating a man in his 50s,

who at one point was physical with your son, just because he is afraid of dying alone. OP I strongly recommend talking to your son again about his situation, but I wouldn’t call the authorities over it just yet.

[Reddit User] −  NTA. This guy sounds shady AF and now he is driving a wedge between you. Can you do a public record search on this guy? Police records, court records? Maybe if you had some facts to back up your feelings your son would be more open to your concerns.

Sleepo236 −  Well uhh i see your concern especially because your son even admitted that he isnt gay and honestly that other dude seems pretty creepy

BlueVelvet90 −  NTA. This older man’s actions just reek of predatory behavior.

[Reddit User] −  I have been heartbroken ever since and tried to setup some counseling sessions only to find out that his partner is double booking activities on those days and forcing my son to choose.. this is extremely concerning. NTA, but i’m not convinced you did it in the best way to help your son.

My son called me after and said that what I did was wrong. of course he did! you are making an emotional outburst and attacking his partner directly. you’re right to be concerned, but doing it this way made it very likely that this would create distance between you.

honestly i don’t know what you should do, but you’ve got to make it clear that if things get bad, he can escape to your house, no questions asked. and stay in contact in case the man tries to isolate him further.

Roshia188 −  NTA. As someone apart of the community I can say that there is definitely a problem with older individuals going after younger ones. Theres also what’s termed a ‘lesbian relationship’, which references how lesbians often move very quickly in their relationships. Eg, moving in on the first date etc. So you’re not wrong to call these things out.

I think you should research this further for how to handle this better. It’ll also help you build a case to present to your son. Personally, I think you should apologize for how you handled it, and how it upset your son. But explain your fear, and try to be empathetic about his situation.

My mum stayed with an abusive husband out of fear that she’d die alone. You are not wrong in worrying about your son. But no matter how smart the person, they are still human.

MeltingMandarins −  I don’t think this fits into a simple NTA/YTA. I think you should be thinking more along the lines of “was this a smart move?” rather than wondering if it was an a**hole move. And I don’t think it was wise. If you’re wrong about the guy, that’s a big oops that won’t be easily healed.

If you’re right (which is far more likely), then you’re at high risk of driving your son away right when he needs you most. Look up advice for families/friends of people in abusive situations. You have to resist the urge to judge/attack so that you can stay close to your son and support him when he chooses to leave.

Bangbangsmashsmash −  NTA; your son isn’t gay, but has a grown man living with him, in a gay relationship?!? You have to talk to your son and figure out how to get him away from this! Your sons physical handicap makes him at risk, and this is just not ok

[Reddit User] −  i hate to sound insensitive but this man is 35 years older than your son, in theory, wouldn’t he still die alone? besides that, i think you have to let your son make his own decisions. like most young adults we make mistakes and fall into bad relationships.

you trusted him enough to live on his own. trust him in this feat as well. if you have no evidence that he is hurting/abusing ur son you should support it so he doesn’t push you so far away you can’t keep a secretive eye on them.

Was the parent justified in confronting their son’s partner, or could there have been a better way to address their concerns? How would you handle a situation involving the well-being of a loved one? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the sequel: https://aita.pics/UnNLD