AITA for telling my sister she was out of her mind when she said she wanted to take back my child whom I adopted from her?
A Redditor (36F) shares a tense situation involving her sister (29F), who gave up her baby for adoption 11 years ago. The Redditor adopted the child and later married the child’s biological father.
Now, the sister has resurfaced, asking to take back the child because her new husband is infertile, leading to a heated confrontation. The sister threatened legal action and accused the Redditor of stealing her life. Was the Redditor too harsh in their response, or is the sister overstepping? Read the full story below…
‘ AITA for telling my sister she was out of her mind when she said she wanted to take back my child whom I adopted from her?’
My (36) sister N (29) got pregnant at 18. I am infertile and knew I couldn’t have kids so when N said she was giving her baby for adoption, I decided to be her mom. N went no contact 5 months after giving birth. For a bit of background,
N got pregnant by a one night stand and she apparently didn’t remember or know the father at the time of birth but when V was 2, a man T (35) messaged me on social media claiming to be the father of my child. N had run into him at a club and drunkenly confessed to the pregnancy.
We met up, he bonded with his daughter and well that man is now my husband of 7 years. Coming back to my sister, she called me yesterday. Although I was surprised at her call, I picked up. We made some small talk,
then she said she had just gotten married a year back and both of them wanted children but couldn’t because her husband was infertile but really wanted kids. I asked her if she wanted to adopt and she said she would just need to get her baby back.
I was speechless for a few moments before replying that if she wants to meet my child as an aunt she is welcome to and we both can sit V down and explain the reason for her absence but she can’t just ask me to give up my child. She said she’ll sue me as she’s the birth mother.
I told her she was out of her mind and I told her about T. She exploded. Calling me names and saying I stole her life. I got too emotional and hung up. T came home from work and on explaining to him, he was beyond furious.
I then got a call from my parents saying I was an a**hole for telling N she couldn’t she her baby. I said I never said that and I welcomed her to bond with V but they refused to listen and said I was being insensitive and harsh and flaunting my family.
I now feel bad because me and N were very close as sisters and I feel quite close to her situation since I know the struggles of infertility. T said there was no way he was letting my sister have full time and I agree but I want to know if am the a**hole for being too harsh and telling her about T.
Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:
NannyBismo − So let me get this straight, your child is now \~11 years old & your sister thinks she can just swoop in and become her Mom? NTA
arachnobravia − Wow big fat NTA there. She wants to take her 10 year old daughter back after having no contact with her. Just because she’s your sister doesn’t give her any social, emotional or legal superiority.
As long as the adoption was done legally then V is your daughter and the birth mother is just her estranged aunt. Your family are ridiculous for not listening to you rather than equally hearing both sides of a story
Freakin_Merida88 − NTA. Sister IS out of her mind. If the adoption was done legally (and not just a “rehoming” like that deplorable YT couple) therr is no avenue for her to get the child back…especially eleven years on!
LittelFoxicorn − NTA, You adopted and raised that baby. You are her mom. Your sister gave up any claim to calling herself a mom when she gave her up for adoption. She is the birth mother and when the child is old enough to understand, she can be in her life in that way
But a child/baby and family are not disposable items you put down and pick back up when you please.. Tell her to go for a sperm donor.. (She did that once allready/s)
uhhhhwhat22 − NTA, but you all did everything legally…right? I’m very much a CYA- “**C**over **Y**our **A**ss” sort of person and I just want to know that’s what you did. Also, it might be good to get a lawyer involved now and maybe get a restraining order.. I feel like your sister is the type to run away with a child.
Whimsical_Mara − INFO – Did you legally adopt V? Is T on the birth certificate or has he legally adopted V? Did your sister give up her parental rights? Is T the actual father? Because if the answer is no…..
y’all might have trouble, depending on how far your sister is willing to push things. Depending on where you live, judges, money, etc, your sister could sue for custody and get at least partial if not full custody if y’all haven’t done things legally.
kbartucci76 − NTA. A child isn’t something you “rent out” or a toy to be set down and picked back up when it suits you. Your child is YOUR child. And for your sister to think that she can just slide into being her parent after all this time, is pretty much a SCREAMING red flag that she may not be a stable parent to any child.
nytefox42 − NTA. It’s not her baby anymore, she gave that up. You don’t get to demand a take-back on an adoption. Especially after you’ve had so long to bond with the child who likely views you and your husband as her parents. Your husband IS her parent by the sound of it, which gives her even less ground to demand V back. She’s revoked her parental rights. End of story.
msteacherladyy − NTA but there seems to be lots of holes in this story. She didn’t know you married the child’s father? And you didn’t know for a year that she was married? You have the right to make the decisions, but I would think that would be very frustrating and hurtful for your sister to just randomly find out?
RafRafRafRaf − INFO: have you legally adopted your daughter?
Does the sister have any right to demand her child back after over a decade, or is the Redditor justified in standing her ground? How would you handle this delicate family situation? Share your thoughts below!