AITA for telling my husband he should be ashamed of himself and he would be incredibly lucky if his oldest daughter ever speaks to him again?

A Reddit user shared a conflict involving their husband and his estranged relationship with his eldest daughter, Annie. Years ago, the husband gave a cherished necklace that belonged to his late wife to his younger daughter, Amy, despite it holding deep sentimental value for Annie.

This decision caused significant rifts in the family, culminating in Annie cutting ties. Upon learning the full story at a family dinner, the user confronted her husband, calling his actions shameful and expressing doubt that Annie would ever forgive him. Her husband became angry, and his family criticized her for not supporting him.

‘ AITA for telling my husband he should be ashamed of himself and he would be incredibly lucky if his oldest daughter ever speaks to him again?’

I married my husband 3 years ago. He was divorced, and previously widowered. He has two daughters. Annie who is now 26 (I believe) from his first marriage and Amy who is 17 from his second. My husband told me about his late wife, his ex wife, the issues he had as a blended family when he remarried, 

and Annie was not on board with him remarrying and the fact this strain ended his second marriage. He was also honest that Annie never forgave him for remarrying and never wanted anything to do with Amy or him after she turned 18. What he did not tell me was the MAJOR role he played in all of this.

I found this out three weeks ago, at a dinner with his extended family. The story as I now know it. When Amy was around 5 years old she took a special interest in a necklace that belonged to his late wife. My husband gave the necklace to Amy, which upset Annie, because all her mothers possessions were meant to go to her.

My husband told Annie that it was just one item and she needed to get over it because Amy was entitled to have something too. Annie had brought up that it was the piece her mother wore the most. My husband told her that it was a special gift to give to her sister. That she was being selfish.

His ex wife told her that her mother would want “someone as special as your sister” to have a piece of her as well. Annie never got over it. She tried to take it from Amy and was punished. The last time she saw any of them she told them all to go to f**king hell. Amy still has the necklace too.

She has let it get into a bad way, and talks about it as if her dad bought it for her. I was shocked. I never would have expected my husband to be that way. He was very unapologetic about it and told me Annie would have to get over it some day. I told him he should be ashamed of himself.

That he should have allowed Annie’s mothers possessions to be hers, to do with as SHE chose, that Amy did not give a crap about his late wife or the significance of those items, but Annie would have. I told him he will be incredibly lucky if his daughter ever speaks to him again and I would not blame her if she never did.

He was furious I judged him. His family said I should take my husbands side over his daughter who I don’t even know (except for the nephew and niece who told the whole story, because they also think my husband did a fucked up thing).. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

11arwen −  NTA. Your husband doesn’t understand it 🙁 He likely lost Annie forever: her love and respect, and his place as her father in her heart. It was not the necklace itself, but the meaning of the necklace: love, respect, care, her Mom’s memory. Edit: Thank you to all Redditors 15.6k! Many thanks for the awards! – 16.3K Thanks!

stropette −  NTA but your husband certainly is. Amy most certainly was not entitled to her stepsister’s dead mother’s jewellery.. You are married to an A grade AH.

HegoDamask_1 −  NTA Losing a parent at a young age is bad enough and not having your remaining parent respect your boundaries when it comes to items of the deceased parent is just terrible.

OP did nothing wrong and spoke the truth to her husband. He has no one to blame but himself that he doesn’t have a relationship with his eldest daughter. To gild the lily, he then chose to bring his family into the argument with you which is never good.

BaltimoreBadger23 −  NTA: the necklace was likely just the big flashpoint, there’s a lot more to the story that you might never know. It’s likely that Annie was not given what she needed emotionally after her mother’s death. How long after the death of Annie:s mom, did your husband marry his second wife?

yvonnetongg −  NTA they don’t sound they have morals. OMG who in their right mind takes their child’s inheritance and give it to another just like that and acts that the did something wrong. I FEEL THIS IS A RED FLAG 🚩

TheGrimDweeber −  I hope you don’t have kids, that’ll make the inevitable divorce a lot trickier.

AngryWriterGrr −  NTA. Geez, what would he do with your things? Do you have children?

Peskanov −  NTA for all the reasons you mention. How callous of your husband and his family to do such a thing. They knowing kept that vital piece of information away from you bc they all knew they were the AHs. Eta: Just bc he’s your husband doesn’t mean you always have to side with him. You get to have you own opinions too. His family sucks.

OmnesViriDebentMori −  NTA I would consider reevaluating your relationship. It shows that your husband is not a good father and that’s a major red flag. He, his second wife, and daughter collectively created this persona that Annie was this monster. It also show he was probably dismissive of Annie,

I mean what kind of person gives a necklace of his deceased wife to someone other than her daughter. The mother of Amy is no better, I think this shows you the lack of sentiment he has and highlights some repulsive qualities. I couldn’t fathom being married to a man like that.

And the fact he has no problem with no contact with one of his daughters shows he doesn’t care. Thank god you don’t have kids with him and please don’t ever. He obviously doesn’t know how to raise them. And his family is just like him. I hope you reach out to Annie,

am I know this is petty but somehow steal the necklace and give it to her. I just can’t imagine how painful that situation must’ve been to her. She needs someone to look out for her. Hopefully you leave this guy and can build a relationship with Annie

ttnl35 −  NTA This is horrible advice and you should ignore me, but if Amy let the necklace get into a bad way, does that mean she doesn’t take care of it and her ‘losing’ it would be believable? Because that would be a huge shame. And those cousins being able to secretly get it back to Annie would also be absolutely terrible.

But I have no idea of the legal ramifications that could come from such a terrible sequence of events.