AITA For Moving Out Cause My Family Keeps Playing With My Cane?

A 17-year-old girl shared a difficult situation where her family, including her mom, stepdad, and younger half-siblings, have been treating her with disregard for her disability. She uses a cane due to injuries sustained in a car accident that also resulted in her father’s death, which her mother blames her for.

Recently, her family has been taking her cane during scavenger hunts for her younger siblings to find. After being scolded and belittled by her stepdad and mom, she decided to move out with the help of her grandparents. Now, her mother is furious and accuses her of turning the family against her. The girl is questioning if her decision to leave was justified.

‘ AITA For Moving Out Cause My Family Keeps Playing With My Cane?’

So I (17F) still live with my mom, my step-dad, and my two half siblings (5M and 7F). My dad died when I was 5, driving me to the hospital (Mom didn’t want to pay for an ambulance). He died in the crash and my leg and spine got busted up in a way that has left me needing a cane pretty much ever since.

My step-dad’s always been a little distant with me, he likes to make jokes about how I’m an ‘early blooming black widow’. I think he gets that from my mom, who blames me for my dad’s death. I do to, it *is* my fault after all, so I don’t push back on it.

Anyway, the point is that with the current situation my parents are always looking for ways to get my half siblings active and doing things without leaving the house, and have recently settled on scavenger hunts. I have no problem with this honestly. I wish they’d stop hiding stuff in my underwear drawer, but it’s a 5 y0 and a 7 yo so that’s not the worst.

My *problem* though is that they keep taking my cane when I’m not looking (I tend to get lost in my homework and my writing hobby and zone out) and having it be one of the items that my half siblings have to find. When I complain to my step-dad (he’s a SAHD so is usually the one running these things) he scolds me for being selfish

and points out that my swivel chair has wheels if I need the bathroom and that they always get it to me before I have to go downstairs for dinner. I tried my mom yesterday, and she said that I was being a b**t and that if I wanted a father who cared about me I shouldn’t have killed my dad.

I got really upset at that point and called my grandparents (my mom’s parents, Dad’s are dead too). They showed up at 10 PM yesterday, and Grandma screamed at them while Grandpa packed my stuff up and helped me out to their car.

My mom’s been blowing up my phone and email, calling me all sorts of names and accusing me of turning her family against her and trying to get her in legal trouble since minors can’t move out. And I can’t help but think that maybe she’s right so…AITA?

See what others had to share with OP:

BUTTeredWhiteBread −  Oh honey no. You didn’t kill your dad. It isn’t your fault. Accidents are accidents because they aren’t your fault. Your mother is unbelievably awful for the way she has been treating you and allowing you to be treated. Please stay with your grandparents.

And if you have access, maybe seek out a therapist to help you work through all this guilt you’re holding onto. More than anything, I send you hugs. Oh and, NTA. In any way shape or form. Do not go back to that abusive house. ETA: aww cmon yall I’m sure there’s people way more worthy of all your free awards, but thank you kindly.

Verity_Fox −  NTA Your mother is straight up abusive. Your father’s death is not your fault and she is frankly completely awful for allowing and reinforcing those beliefs.
Your step dad is an a**hole too for taking a necessary aid from you. If he wore glasses I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t find it funny if you kept hiding them.

These people are toxic and cutting them out of your life may well be your best decision here.

oreganoca −  NTA. First of all your father’s death was absolutely NOT YOUR FAULT. Your mother has behaved absolutely abhorrently towards you, and it’s downright horrific that anyone in your household thinks it’s okay to take your cane and leave you without means to get around your home easily.

Everyone in your household, except you, has behaved terribly. Good on you for getting out. Please also talk to your grandparents about getting you into therapy. You certainly have a lot of things to talk through and I think you would find it very helpful.

Individual_Ad_9213 −  NTA. Your grandparents are your allies. If things go to Child Services, be sure to tell them what was happening. You’re old enough that your wishes will be an important consideration. And to repeat: your dad’s death is NOT your fault. I’m horrified that you might believe that.

RVFullTime −  NTA. You didn’t cause your father’s death or your own disabilities.

HoopJeanne −  Wow. Is this for real? This is literally the most toxic post I’ve ever read on here. It is 100% not in any way your fault that your dad died and you are deserving of love no matter what. They should not take your means of mobility away from you ever.

You need to erect some serious boundaries between you and your immediate family. Stay with your grandparents and seek counseling ASAP!!. NTA, no way, no how.

pnutbuttercups56 −  NTA. First of all I’m very sorry for your loss and the situation with your step father and mom. You are not responsible for your father’s death. You were 5 and needed to go to the hospital. Accidents happen but you are in no way responsible.

Your step dad is being neglectful and abusive by not making sure you have your cane. Your mom has no right to say such awful things to you. Even if she is in pain about your dad dying. Your grandparents were right to come and collect you. Your mother’s behavior is why your grandparents are upset it has nothing to do with you.

Beautiful-Concern144 −  Woah. Sweetheart. You didn’t kill your dad. You were 5 years old and needed to go to hospital. It wasnt your fault there was an accident. Your mum has been abusing you with this concept for so long shes got you believing it and I really hope you get some therapy asap to see how utterly wrong she is.

I have a 5 year old daughter. NOTHING she could do would cause her to be in any way to blame for a tragedy like that. Even if she was throwing a tantrum at the moment of the car crash, it wouldnt be her fault. The adults involved are responsible for safety, not a 5 year old child.

Your stepdad needs to go to hell too. Stealing what you need to be able to walk, even temporarily, is massively abusive. Stay with your grandparents. Never go back.

Apgamerwolf −  The “mom didn’t want to pay for an ambulance part” makes me think she was already a bad mother even before op father died if there is an emergency situation and you rather your husband ALONE drives your child to the hospital cause you don’t want to pay for an ambulance?

And then the audacity to tell op a grieving child who was affected by the accident with permanent damage to her body that is her own fault her dad died in an accident cause she was in dire need for medical attention. Blame her for an accident she didn’t cause and could not prevent in any realistic way.

And then after years still have the audacity to say something so horrible. I know people don’t believe in fisica l violence but that woman deserves to be slapped if not straight out punch to the face.

The step dad is an AH for very clearly having favorites and straight out enabling the abuse of his wife if I was married and my wife were to say that to my step kid that then and there would have been grounds for divorce.

Finally op isn’t turning her own family against her she is so narcisitic to realize how people are disgusted for her own actions and how messed up her line of thinking I also bet she is been feeding lies to other family members about op being a b**t to justify her abusive behavior. So OP NTA you need to cut contact with this toxic poor of excuse of a human being who pretends to be your mother

LaFlibuste −  Wow, you whole family (grand-parents aside) really s**k super hard (OK, the kids get a free pass, they’re kids). Your step-dad should really not touch your cane, ESPECIALLY after you’ve asked him not to. And your mom!… She’s just so horrible all around, wow.

She’s turning her family against her all on her own, she is a despicable person. NTA. Also don’t blame yourself for what happened to your dad. Unless you yanked on the wheel to cause the car crash or something (and even then you were so young!), you are really not at fault for needing to be driven to the hospital.

I’m not sure what you had and if someone caused that, but there are a number of possible people at fault here: who ever or whatever made you need to go to the hospital, your father for maybe driving poorly, maybe other drivers on the road, your cheap-ass mom for not wanting to pay for an ambulance,

possibly your country for making ambulance rides expensive, etc. But you, one of the literal victims, a child who had done absolutely nothing wrong? No. You are blameless in this.